Have you ever been with someone who had the weirdest sexual fetishes?
I remember my girlfriend asking me if she should feel weird that every time her and her man have sex he turns on lesbian porn.
I guess everyone has his or her unique turn-ons but when your partner’s fetish makes you feel uncomfortable should you still give into the act? Small requests like different sexual positions or toe fetishes, butt fetishes and other “heard of” obsessions are not too bad. However when a request begins to turn you off of your partner, well then it becomes an issue.
Now my dilemma here is- I do not believe in keeping sexual desires away from your partner. You should be able to tell them your desires and aspirations of the bedroom even if it is something new or strangely spoken. The communication should always be open. BUT then there are some fetishes that can make a person sound so perverted that you become afraid to share sexual satisfaction with them. Should some fetishes be kept in the closet to avoid scaring our partners away?
I remember writing a blog “What You Won’t Do For Your Partner, Another Will”. Well, could a lack of “fetish fulfillment” be the same as a lack of “emotional fulfillment” causing your partner to stray to another who can compensate for your lack of sexual imagination? If a sexual fetish goes un-nurtured it can very well lead to an unsatisfied partner in bed. So what do you do? What do you do when your partner is asking you to participate in a rather abnormal act?
DO IT!
JUST KIDDING!!!!! (kinda) =)
It all depends on how far you would go for the person you are with. If it is just a boyfriend/girlfriend who you feel connected to but not that comfortable with yet then you should stay away from the sexual fetishes until the comfort level is at a more reasonable level.
On the other hand, if your spouse, fiancé or someone who you are absolutely sure you will be spending the rest of your life with asks you to partake in a special sexual connection well I SAY GIVE IT A TRY =).
Yes Do it!
When you are married or in a serious, committed relationship you will definitely experience new things. Even more directly, you will experience new sexual ventures! If it’s your spouse, you two will eventually do everything imaginable in the bedroom, as it should be! So, if your spouse or longggggg term lover asks you to try something different- Hell, why not? This is the person who you plan on being with for eternity therefore all comfort levels should be at an all time peak already. Even if the new position, the new sexual entrance (wink) or that new object being included in the bedroom does not work out you have nothing to lose.
With a short-term boyfriend/girlfriend where an excessive amount of comfort is lacking, you may find that the relationship didn’t work after you already partook in that “special” sexual act. That scene will play over and over in your head and turn into REGRET. If you are going to do some kinky, freaky, out of the ordinary things in bed with someone, make sure it is with someone who you see yourself being with for the long haul. It would be a shame walking away from a relationship and then saying “Damn I wish I hadn’t let him/her put that in my______. I hope he/she don’t tell nobody!” LOL just keeping it real.
I think sexual fetishes keeps the sex fresh. There is nothing wrong with trying new things with someone you love. But being in a relationship for a few weeks and deciding to fulfill the fetish of your boyfriend/girlfriend is not so smart. Give the relationship time to flourish. It is all about the comfortableness. What is comfortable? If you can’t fart or tell your girlfriend/boyfriend that you are about to have a mean run in with the toilet then you are definitely not comfortable enough to let them stick that thing up your thing and lick it and partake in that kind of out of the ordinary sexual experience. Comfort takes time and it does not happen overnight. So don’t rush it and save it for your special, one and only someone because trust me those objects aren’t going anywhere!
The Written Words Of AJT
Sunday 27 November 2011
Wednesday 23 November 2011
INDEPENDENCE- How Too Much Of It Will Leave You LONELY!
When did we enter this new phase of life where individuals have become so “independent” that in order to prove their independence they run from love? Independence can be hindering. Why? Because too much of it will leave you lonely and that is not just for women but men as well.
I recently wrote a short story entitled “Untouched” and its message was wrapped around an exceptionally successful woman who, every night, would have sexually exotic dreams about a man making incredible love to her. However, when she awoke she realized he was non-existent and that until she made time for love it will FOREVER be non-existent.
There was a reason why I wrote that short story.
On too many occasions I have heard my ladies saying, “It’s hard to find a man who can handle my independence and success.”
It’s almost as if, to them, this is a confidence booster. What is so great about admitting to yourself that your success is keeping you lonely at night?
Truth is, it’s not the success. What keeps you lonely is the mindset that your career is a burden to your love life. That is not true. I don’t care how much money you’re making or how much you aspire to make, and as cliché as this sounds - all the riches in the world will not make up for your empty bed. No one wants to dine alone. You need someone to share those professional accomplishments with. And it is not to my surprise that most of you “independent women/men” already know this but you continually convince yourselves otherwise to cover up the fear. You are fearful of loving because you think it will distract you from your professional goals. Therefore you construct these insane standards “Oh he has to be built, he has to make this much money, he has to be a business man.” Men, the same goes for you, “she has to have long hair, I don’t want her to work because I am the money maker and she has to wear this and look like that and blah blah blah”. These standards are A COVER UP! Most times the standards of a fearful individual are impossible to meet and they know that- it keeps them secure in believing “I will never find a partner who owes up to who and what I am”.
Here is the mix on that- if the love you find is genuine, it will not distract you but instead it will stimulate you to want more, do more and become more of that professional individual than you could have ever imagined. Real love progresses your individuality. It enhances your character. If it pulls you off your track of success and diverts you from your goals then it is a deterrent and that is when you need to walk away. Making up these sorry excuses of “ I can’t find a good woman because I think they all want my money”, or “I can’t find a good man because none of them can handle me being so successful” are mental afflictions you place upon yourself and it eventually causes you to give up on love.
You can turn into an old Sally with 10 cats if you want to or you can get off your high horse and realize that there are men out there who are just as accomplished as you and do not gain insecurity from the accomplishments of their women. A good man stands proud that his woman is able to achieve so much. For my men, a good woman will compliment your wealth not take advantage of it.
I praise you ambitious souls out there – BUT I also fear for you. When people get on this accomplishment route they tend to chase the wealth and the accolades and ignore their yearning sensation to be loved. After a long day of work would you not like to be welcomed by someone who loves you? Would you not want to be able to go home and make love to that sexy woman or that handsome man? Would you not want to be able to spend those riches on living your life to the fullest with the love of your life? Come on! Do not be a fool by continually allowing your independence to lead you down a road full of cat litter! Be proactive! Use that success to your advantage and mingle. You do not have to look for love but sitting on your couch with your laptop and sales figures or in that corner office until midnight making excuses as to why love “just doesn’t work for you”, will get you no where. You want it all? You will not have it all until you have loved and in return felt love by someone just for you.
The Written Words Of AJT
I recently wrote a short story entitled “Untouched” and its message was wrapped around an exceptionally successful woman who, every night, would have sexually exotic dreams about a man making incredible love to her. However, when she awoke she realized he was non-existent and that until she made time for love it will FOREVER be non-existent.
There was a reason why I wrote that short story.
On too many occasions I have heard my ladies saying, “It’s hard to find a man who can handle my independence and success.”
It’s almost as if, to them, this is a confidence booster. What is so great about admitting to yourself that your success is keeping you lonely at night?
Truth is, it’s not the success. What keeps you lonely is the mindset that your career is a burden to your love life. That is not true. I don’t care how much money you’re making or how much you aspire to make, and as cliché as this sounds - all the riches in the world will not make up for your empty bed. No one wants to dine alone. You need someone to share those professional accomplishments with. And it is not to my surprise that most of you “independent women/men” already know this but you continually convince yourselves otherwise to cover up the fear. You are fearful of loving because you think it will distract you from your professional goals. Therefore you construct these insane standards “Oh he has to be built, he has to make this much money, he has to be a business man.” Men, the same goes for you, “she has to have long hair, I don’t want her to work because I am the money maker and she has to wear this and look like that and blah blah blah”. These standards are A COVER UP! Most times the standards of a fearful individual are impossible to meet and they know that- it keeps them secure in believing “I will never find a partner who owes up to who and what I am”.
Here is the mix on that- if the love you find is genuine, it will not distract you but instead it will stimulate you to want more, do more and become more of that professional individual than you could have ever imagined. Real love progresses your individuality. It enhances your character. If it pulls you off your track of success and diverts you from your goals then it is a deterrent and that is when you need to walk away. Making up these sorry excuses of “ I can’t find a good woman because I think they all want my money”, or “I can’t find a good man because none of them can handle me being so successful” are mental afflictions you place upon yourself and it eventually causes you to give up on love.
You can turn into an old Sally with 10 cats if you want to or you can get off your high horse and realize that there are men out there who are just as accomplished as you and do not gain insecurity from the accomplishments of their women. A good man stands proud that his woman is able to achieve so much. For my men, a good woman will compliment your wealth not take advantage of it.
I praise you ambitious souls out there – BUT I also fear for you. When people get on this accomplishment route they tend to chase the wealth and the accolades and ignore their yearning sensation to be loved. After a long day of work would you not like to be welcomed by someone who loves you? Would you not want to be able to go home and make love to that sexy woman or that handsome man? Would you not want to be able to spend those riches on living your life to the fullest with the love of your life? Come on! Do not be a fool by continually allowing your independence to lead you down a road full of cat litter! Be proactive! Use that success to your advantage and mingle. You do not have to look for love but sitting on your couch with your laptop and sales figures or in that corner office until midnight making excuses as to why love “just doesn’t work for you”, will get you no where. You want it all? You will not have it all until you have loved and in return felt love by someone just for you.
The Written Words Of AJT
Sunday 20 November 2011
"Open Relationships: He Can Roam - She Stays Home"
For those of you who are oblivious to the ins and outs of open relationships it means just what it is called: basically your relationship is wide open for physical and emotional freedom; meaning you can sleep with people out side of your “primary” relationship, while still maintaining a more intense and meaningful relationship with the person you have waiting for you at home. Easy to understand right?
But are the rules of an open relationship equal between men and women? I know many female friends who find themselves in open relationships without wanting to be in open relationships. They want to be monogamous with their men however men are known to stray away from that monogamy in fear of jeopardizing their freedom. Open relationships are all about keeping the independence to roam the dating scene and still have something good waiting for you at home. It’s like you have your cake and eat it too. Every person’s dream right?
Open relationships have to be the most honest relationships on the planet! Just think, while being in an open relationship lies become pointless. Your partner already knows the type of relationship being shared among you two therefore when they ask if you were out with another man/woman why lie? It is valid to say yes because the “contract” of an open relationship willingly allows the actions to take place. It’s like going home to your man/woman and them asking “hey baby where were you all night?” and you replying, “oh well last night I was screwing Jamie and tonight I am screwing you.” As crazy as it sounds this type of behavior is A-Okay in an open relationship. BUT what about possessiveness…
Men, who fail to admit to it, are very possessive. Even if they are not in an "exclusive" relationship with the woman, if they are sleeping with her and carrying on an intimate relationship with her, they will not be okay knowing that she is sleeping with another man. Men find it okay to have multiple sex partners but when that one sex partner who they are more attached to carries on the same actions as them their pride is immediately battered. They cannot handle it. Women can handle the situation far better than a man. Why? Because lets be real WOMEN ARE USED TO GETTING CHEATED ON. Believe it or not, but once a woman finds out her man has cheated she sets herself at ease because she does not have to worry about his sneaky actions anymore. Men are not used to being betrayed because they know women seek monogamy so much that they commit to holding a faithful relationship.
Men handle a woman's promiscuity completely different. Once men are approached with the situation of their women cheating or partaking in the means of an open relationship they cringe. It’s like they are saying, “girl it's fine for me to sleep around but you need to lock it down. I am the only one getting in that.” What fairness comes from this? Absolutely none!
Men want open relationships because in doing so their freedoms are not endangered however they rather their women be locked down to them AND ONLY THEM. They do not want their women to think it's okay for them to partake in the festivities of an open relationship. So what is an open relationship between a man and a woman? It is a man wanting his freedom but still wanting to keep “wifey” at home tending to his needs. What do you think? Are women “exempt” when it comes to open relationships with men?
The written words of AJT
But are the rules of an open relationship equal between men and women? I know many female friends who find themselves in open relationships without wanting to be in open relationships. They want to be monogamous with their men however men are known to stray away from that monogamy in fear of jeopardizing their freedom. Open relationships are all about keeping the independence to roam the dating scene and still have something good waiting for you at home. It’s like you have your cake and eat it too. Every person’s dream right?
Open relationships have to be the most honest relationships on the planet! Just think, while being in an open relationship lies become pointless. Your partner already knows the type of relationship being shared among you two therefore when they ask if you were out with another man/woman why lie? It is valid to say yes because the “contract” of an open relationship willingly allows the actions to take place. It’s like going home to your man/woman and them asking “hey baby where were you all night?” and you replying, “oh well last night I was screwing Jamie and tonight I am screwing you.” As crazy as it sounds this type of behavior is A-Okay in an open relationship. BUT what about possessiveness…
Men, who fail to admit to it, are very possessive. Even if they are not in an "exclusive" relationship with the woman, if they are sleeping with her and carrying on an intimate relationship with her, they will not be okay knowing that she is sleeping with another man. Men find it okay to have multiple sex partners but when that one sex partner who they are more attached to carries on the same actions as them their pride is immediately battered. They cannot handle it. Women can handle the situation far better than a man. Why? Because lets be real WOMEN ARE USED TO GETTING CHEATED ON. Believe it or not, but once a woman finds out her man has cheated she sets herself at ease because she does not have to worry about his sneaky actions anymore. Men are not used to being betrayed because they know women seek monogamy so much that they commit to holding a faithful relationship.
Men handle a woman's promiscuity completely different. Once men are approached with the situation of their women cheating or partaking in the means of an open relationship they cringe. It’s like they are saying, “girl it's fine for me to sleep around but you need to lock it down. I am the only one getting in that.” What fairness comes from this? Absolutely none!
Men want open relationships because in doing so their freedoms are not endangered however they rather their women be locked down to them AND ONLY THEM. They do not want their women to think it's okay for them to partake in the festivities of an open relationship. So what is an open relationship between a man and a woman? It is a man wanting his freedom but still wanting to keep “wifey” at home tending to his needs. What do you think? Are women “exempt” when it comes to open relationships with men?
The written words of AJT
Wednesday 16 November 2011
"Baby Momma Drama! Will It Ever End?"
It feels great to break free from a relationship where there are no strings holding you to your ex. Unfortunately, that is not the story for many of us as we are forced, by the failure of birth control and self-control, to spend the rest of our lives attached to our ex because a condom failed, alcohol took over, or “you never thought this would happen”. Babies are a wonderful addition to anyone’s life but when that beautiful child attaches you to an intolerable ex it can lead to bigger problems that we are not ready to handle. Baby Momma and Baby Daddy drama is the worse kind of drama because there is really no escaping it. You both share blood to another human being. How can you get away from that?
In most cases when you have a baby father/baby mother it can be difficult to keep a civil partnership. I find that both parents understand that the child’s well being is the most important factor BUT the petty arguments and reasons for those petty arguments (usually holding on to the past) stand in the way of developing a civil relationship between the parents.
Not to call my women out but lets be real, some of you hold a “property line” for your baby fathers. Whether you want to deny it or not, you had a child by this man therefore your feelings towards him may not be what they were BC (before child) however there is an adamant connection between you both especially when you find that your baby father has moved on and you have not.
You get the number one saying of the baby mother pertaining to the baby father and his newfound love, “I better not find out that you had my child around that chick!”
I never understood this. Are women afraid to have their children around their baby father’s girlfriends/wives because they are threatened at the possibility that their child can become more attached to the new woman or are they jealous that the man is no longer with them and has moved on? Do women feel that because they birthed the man’s child they are entitled to some type of ownership? And that my folks is the “property line”. However, it should NOT exist.
Insecurity plays a large role in the immature tendencies of the baby mother. If your baby father is a good man, taking care of his child, paying child support on time well LET HIM LIVE and you need to go ahead and live your life as well. Put yourself in the man’s shoes; if you met a man who you cared about and wanted him to be a part of your life would you hide him and separate him from your child because of the insecurity of your baby father? And yes that is what it is- INSECURITY.
Now many of my ladies can argue that “the woman is bad news and I do not want her actions around my child”. Okay that is a reasonable argument. However if you feel the father is endangering your child by having them around this “horrible” stepparent then why not sit down with the stepparent and verbalize your expectations. Too often we avoid having contact with the exes new lover. Why do we do this? If both the baby mother and baby father are focused on the best interest of the child then why not all adults involved ACT LIKE ADULTS and sit down and converse about being more civil for the sake and well being of the child? I never see parents and stepparents take this route. Instead they go down a road of hatred and begin cursing each other. What does that ever solve?
Ladies, you are a parent therefore that involves you being mature and setting the example for your child. Let go of the past. Yes you had his baby but that relationship is over. Leave it where it is- the past. Get going and meet yourself a good man and be happy. You can’t worry about the happiness of an ex even if you do have kids by them. As long as they are doing right by the child that should be your only care and concern. Who they are with and what they do with that new woman is none of your business UNTIL it begins to affect your child.
Men you will not be let off easy. STOP DOGGING YOUR BABY MOTHER!
She cannot be that bad seeing as you saw fit to have a child by her. Mistake or not, at one point she was an amazing woman to you. Do not let the baby come in the picture and make you bitter towards a woman because “it was not in your plans to have a child”. You lay down with her and knew beforehand the consequences of sex therefore take care of your responsibilities. You do not need any relationship with the mother. Pay your child support (if you have to), take care of your kids and be the best father a child can have. One thing I see too often and it just makes me want to spit, are men who will sit around and spread rumors about their baby mothers. How can you disrespect the mother of your child? Whether you like her or not she has provided your seed. A gift that not too many can spare. So I just cannot understand how some men can demoralize their baby mother’s and in doing so fail to realize the embarrassment they place on their child. Hmmm men look in the mirror and BE A MAN. We need more good fathers out there and being a good father does in fact include respecting the individual who birthed you the title of becoming a father.
AND FOR BOTH MY BABY MOTHERS AND BABY FATHERS- STOP SCREWING EACHOTHER.
For some strange reason baby mothers and baby fathers tend to become each other’s “old reliable”. That is so dangerous! Old reliable is not suppose to be someone who you have had children by! Seriously? There is too much history for you to be able to leave your baby mother/baby father’s bed emotionless. It will not happen! And what if your child finds out that you two are sleeping together? You are confusing them. Leave it civil and lock it up! You may need some loving at night but once the sun rises you are both at each others throats again! It is a waste of time. Focus on your child together and if you cannot find someone to warm your sheets- Women, GO TO SPENCERS there are plenty of alternatives and men IT’S YOU AND YOUR HAND --- BUT PLEASE stay out of each other’s beds. Don’t have your child asking you “Daddy what were you doing in Mom’s bed at 3am?”
There are boundaries to every relationship. Cares we should have and cares we need to let go of. The relationship between baby mother and baby father is all about THE WELL BEING OF THE CHILD. So step into the world of adulthood where we handle business civilly and focus on the goal of raising good children.
The Written Words Of AJT
In most cases when you have a baby father/baby mother it can be difficult to keep a civil partnership. I find that both parents understand that the child’s well being is the most important factor BUT the petty arguments and reasons for those petty arguments (usually holding on to the past) stand in the way of developing a civil relationship between the parents.
Not to call my women out but lets be real, some of you hold a “property line” for your baby fathers. Whether you want to deny it or not, you had a child by this man therefore your feelings towards him may not be what they were BC (before child) however there is an adamant connection between you both especially when you find that your baby father has moved on and you have not.
You get the number one saying of the baby mother pertaining to the baby father and his newfound love, “I better not find out that you had my child around that chick!”
I never understood this. Are women afraid to have their children around their baby father’s girlfriends/wives because they are threatened at the possibility that their child can become more attached to the new woman or are they jealous that the man is no longer with them and has moved on? Do women feel that because they birthed the man’s child they are entitled to some type of ownership? And that my folks is the “property line”. However, it should NOT exist.
Insecurity plays a large role in the immature tendencies of the baby mother. If your baby father is a good man, taking care of his child, paying child support on time well LET HIM LIVE and you need to go ahead and live your life as well. Put yourself in the man’s shoes; if you met a man who you cared about and wanted him to be a part of your life would you hide him and separate him from your child because of the insecurity of your baby father? And yes that is what it is- INSECURITY.
Now many of my ladies can argue that “the woman is bad news and I do not want her actions around my child”. Okay that is a reasonable argument. However if you feel the father is endangering your child by having them around this “horrible” stepparent then why not sit down with the stepparent and verbalize your expectations. Too often we avoid having contact with the exes new lover. Why do we do this? If both the baby mother and baby father are focused on the best interest of the child then why not all adults involved ACT LIKE ADULTS and sit down and converse about being more civil for the sake and well being of the child? I never see parents and stepparents take this route. Instead they go down a road of hatred and begin cursing each other. What does that ever solve?
Ladies, you are a parent therefore that involves you being mature and setting the example for your child. Let go of the past. Yes you had his baby but that relationship is over. Leave it where it is- the past. Get going and meet yourself a good man and be happy. You can’t worry about the happiness of an ex even if you do have kids by them. As long as they are doing right by the child that should be your only care and concern. Who they are with and what they do with that new woman is none of your business UNTIL it begins to affect your child.
Men you will not be let off easy. STOP DOGGING YOUR BABY MOTHER!
She cannot be that bad seeing as you saw fit to have a child by her. Mistake or not, at one point she was an amazing woman to you. Do not let the baby come in the picture and make you bitter towards a woman because “it was not in your plans to have a child”. You lay down with her and knew beforehand the consequences of sex therefore take care of your responsibilities. You do not need any relationship with the mother. Pay your child support (if you have to), take care of your kids and be the best father a child can have. One thing I see too often and it just makes me want to spit, are men who will sit around and spread rumors about their baby mothers. How can you disrespect the mother of your child? Whether you like her or not she has provided your seed. A gift that not too many can spare. So I just cannot understand how some men can demoralize their baby mother’s and in doing so fail to realize the embarrassment they place on their child. Hmmm men look in the mirror and BE A MAN. We need more good fathers out there and being a good father does in fact include respecting the individual who birthed you the title of becoming a father.
AND FOR BOTH MY BABY MOTHERS AND BABY FATHERS- STOP SCREWING EACHOTHER.
For some strange reason baby mothers and baby fathers tend to become each other’s “old reliable”. That is so dangerous! Old reliable is not suppose to be someone who you have had children by! Seriously? There is too much history for you to be able to leave your baby mother/baby father’s bed emotionless. It will not happen! And what if your child finds out that you two are sleeping together? You are confusing them. Leave it civil and lock it up! You may need some loving at night but once the sun rises you are both at each others throats again! It is a waste of time. Focus on your child together and if you cannot find someone to warm your sheets- Women, GO TO SPENCERS there are plenty of alternatives and men IT’S YOU AND YOUR HAND --- BUT PLEASE stay out of each other’s beds. Don’t have your child asking you “Daddy what were you doing in Mom’s bed at 3am?”
There are boundaries to every relationship. Cares we should have and cares we need to let go of. The relationship between baby mother and baby father is all about THE WELL BEING OF THE CHILD. So step into the world of adulthood where we handle business civilly and focus on the goal of raising good children.
The Written Words Of AJT
Sunday 13 November 2011
"SELFISH LOVE DOES NOT EXIST- LET IT GO"
A large turn off towards relationships is selfish individuals! They are the ones who only give in when it is convenient for them and beneficial towards their needs. They are the ones who believe the relationship is about pleasing one not both parties; the ones who every time you get into an argument all you hear is “I, ME, I WANT, I NEED”. Well damn, maybe you should be in a relationship with yourself. I know many of us have had our fair share of the selfish species. And even more ironic many of you, without knowing it, are currently in a relationship with them now!
We can be dating selfish individuals and be so blinded by “love” that when we become a doormat or a YES man/woman we do not even realize it. I get it, we all want to make our partners happy but a relationship involves two people therefore both parties need to be kept pleased not only the one who groans and moans when things do not go their way.
Being selfish is such a wide characteristic. However in a relationship it is not hard to detect the signs that you are dating a selfish individual. It's like the smallest requests turn into arguments, when requests are not met they turn into moans and groans and when you do for them but they can find every excuse in the book as to why they cannot do for you --- UH OH RED ALERT—you are dating a selfish person. Asking your partner to do something, or go somewhere with you should not be a strain. If it makes you happy then they should understand the magnitude of their presence there with you.
I know a big one for men is going to the mall with their girlfriends. I understand- you do not like sitting around waiting as she takes 40 minutes to an hour in one store. But just think, do you think your girlfriend enjoys being around all of your friends on game night? Do you think she enjoys making the food for your loud and rowdy friends and sitting through the entire game with a smile on her face?
I remember shopping with my girlfriend and she brought her boyfriend with us as well. Even though he hates the mall, he knew how important it was to her if he would just get off the couch and come out with her and do a little shopping. Okay, the fact that he agreed to getting off the couch and leaving his XBOX360 behind was indeed a great step to replenishing the man’s mind to understanding that there is more to do in a relationship than lay in the house, have sex, eat and sleep all day. Still, if you are going to do something considerate for your partner BE HAPPY TO DO IT. This guy walked around the mall with his mouth poked out and face frowned up the whole time. I could not even enjoy the new shoe collection at BAKERS because all he would do is huff and puff every time my girlfriend and I asked the saleswomen for a new shoe in a different size. And I lost count of how many times I saw him stare at his watch as if he had somewhere more important to be. Needless to say that relationship did not last long at all. What got me was that she would spend countless amount of hours catering to his needs and wants but when she asked for a simple gesture of his love for her, like taking her to the mall and holding a few of her bags, he was hesitant to say yes. Selfish? Indeed.
And it goes for women as well. One thing we as women can be so selfish about is our money. When we go to the mall our minds are focused on getting that new outfit, new shoes and making nail and hair appointments. Not once do we walk by a men’s clothing store and think, “Maybe I should surprise my man with a nice shirt, some nice shoes and a jacket". Why do so many women believe that the man has the duty to provide materialistic gestures and women are exempt? Are we not entitled to surprise our men with gifts just as we expect them to do for us? It is time we start thinking about the love we give to our men and cut the selfish acts out EVEN IF that includes cutting back on our shoe intake. You expect him to buy for you well pull out your wallets for your men sometimes as well.
Whether you are dating someone who is selfish or whether you are the selfish one, it is unhealthy for the relationship and quite infectious. When doing something nice or meaningful for your partner it is suppose to be just that and the emotions that you carry should display the intensity of the gesture rendered. Do not do something nice and then pout about it the whole time, which basically destroys the purpose in the first place. I know we are only human and selfishness kicks in to all of us. In the beginning of my relationship I found myself saying “I” too much. It is not uncommon but it can be fixed. Realize that you are now in a relationship with not only yourself but with someone else therefore his or her feelings and needs should be met also. You should be grateful and compassionate to make your partner happy even if you hate doing or going where they like, you should be blissful to just be there with them and put a smile on their face. So lets keep love alive and subtract the selfishness!
The written words of AJT
We can be dating selfish individuals and be so blinded by “love” that when we become a doormat or a YES man/woman we do not even realize it. I get it, we all want to make our partners happy but a relationship involves two people therefore both parties need to be kept pleased not only the one who groans and moans when things do not go their way.
Being selfish is such a wide characteristic. However in a relationship it is not hard to detect the signs that you are dating a selfish individual. It's like the smallest requests turn into arguments, when requests are not met they turn into moans and groans and when you do for them but they can find every excuse in the book as to why they cannot do for you --- UH OH RED ALERT—you are dating a selfish person. Asking your partner to do something, or go somewhere with you should not be a strain. If it makes you happy then they should understand the magnitude of their presence there with you.
I know a big one for men is going to the mall with their girlfriends. I understand- you do not like sitting around waiting as she takes 40 minutes to an hour in one store. But just think, do you think your girlfriend enjoys being around all of your friends on game night? Do you think she enjoys making the food for your loud and rowdy friends and sitting through the entire game with a smile on her face?
I remember shopping with my girlfriend and she brought her boyfriend with us as well. Even though he hates the mall, he knew how important it was to her if he would just get off the couch and come out with her and do a little shopping. Okay, the fact that he agreed to getting off the couch and leaving his XBOX360 behind was indeed a great step to replenishing the man’s mind to understanding that there is more to do in a relationship than lay in the house, have sex, eat and sleep all day. Still, if you are going to do something considerate for your partner BE HAPPY TO DO IT. This guy walked around the mall with his mouth poked out and face frowned up the whole time. I could not even enjoy the new shoe collection at BAKERS because all he would do is huff and puff every time my girlfriend and I asked the saleswomen for a new shoe in a different size. And I lost count of how many times I saw him stare at his watch as if he had somewhere more important to be. Needless to say that relationship did not last long at all. What got me was that she would spend countless amount of hours catering to his needs and wants but when she asked for a simple gesture of his love for her, like taking her to the mall and holding a few of her bags, he was hesitant to say yes. Selfish? Indeed.
And it goes for women as well. One thing we as women can be so selfish about is our money. When we go to the mall our minds are focused on getting that new outfit, new shoes and making nail and hair appointments. Not once do we walk by a men’s clothing store and think, “Maybe I should surprise my man with a nice shirt, some nice shoes and a jacket". Why do so many women believe that the man has the duty to provide materialistic gestures and women are exempt? Are we not entitled to surprise our men with gifts just as we expect them to do for us? It is time we start thinking about the love we give to our men and cut the selfish acts out EVEN IF that includes cutting back on our shoe intake. You expect him to buy for you well pull out your wallets for your men sometimes as well.
Whether you are dating someone who is selfish or whether you are the selfish one, it is unhealthy for the relationship and quite infectious. When doing something nice or meaningful for your partner it is suppose to be just that and the emotions that you carry should display the intensity of the gesture rendered. Do not do something nice and then pout about it the whole time, which basically destroys the purpose in the first place. I know we are only human and selfishness kicks in to all of us. In the beginning of my relationship I found myself saying “I” too much. It is not uncommon but it can be fixed. Realize that you are now in a relationship with not only yourself but with someone else therefore his or her feelings and needs should be met also. You should be grateful and compassionate to make your partner happy even if you hate doing or going where they like, you should be blissful to just be there with them and put a smile on their face. So lets keep love alive and subtract the selfishness!
The written words of AJT
Wednesday 9 November 2011
"Secret Lovers WAKE UP and Leave Silently"
You stupidly fall for them, you stupidly submit to them, you stupidly work around their schedules, you stupidly put your time and energy into making them happy and you stupidly allow your heart to grow fond of them, and in doing so you STUPIDLY dismiss the underlying circumstance. The circumstance that gives you the position of coming in second. You allow them to sleep in your bed during the day and creep back to their homes at night. You get used to the shadiness when their wives/husbands walk in on them talking on the phone with you on the other line. All of a sudden they are calling you by the names of their best friends. You become Bill or Joan and they hang up suddenly to give their attention and love to their number one, the one who in all actuality, matters the most to them.
Why would you be ‘okay’ with playing number 2? Sometimes it isn’t even number 2. Number 2 gives you the title of being a ‘priority’. No matter how much you convince your mind that you matter, many times the “other man” and the “other woman” are never a priority. They are just “something new” that comes without a lifetime commitment or a need to be exclusive. The “other man/woman” are secret lovers that add excitement to the life of the married/committed individual.
What leaves me astonished and slightly disturbed is how the secret lovers can convince themselves that one day this man/woman will be all theirs. They honestly believe that the man/woman will simply leave their wives/husbands and children at home to start a new one with them! First and foremost, through your actions you have shown yourself to be worthless and okay with settling for a low position. The fact that you are kept hidden and an even greater factor, that they abandon their homes where their families reside to fulfill their sexual urge for a few hours with you, not only shows how insignificant they see you as but also it shows the common fact of this situation- they are addicted to having a no strings attached relationship with someone who does not mind coming second, or having no priority in their lives at all.
Lets bring our focus to a more “hygienic” sense ---
Every afternoon or late night this married/committed individual is creeping in bed with you, having sex with you, kissing you with the same body, lips and touch that he/she goes home to their family with. The same penetration that you are getting from this ruthless affair they are bringing it home to their exclusive relationship. So basically you are having sexual/personal relations with their whole family WILLINGLY. Why put yourself at risk? Do you honestly think you are the ONLY one playing “other woman/man? You think there haven't been others?
However, to my greatest surprise and less sympathetic side, there are some individuals who take pride in being “home wreckers”. They feel “if he/she would have been doing their jobs I would not have to screw their wives/husbands.” They say this as if it’s their purpose in life to have sex with married/committed individuals in order to prove a point to their spouses and loves that they are not “handing their business at home”. I guess relationship councilors are no longer existent. I guess the world of relationships is being counseled by home wreckers who find it to be their “duty” to teach the victim a lesson –“ if you wont screw your man/woman the right way, well I will do it for you”. What a load of crap! For the ones out there who take pleasure in the title of “home wrecker” I hope you gain a sense of self worth because no individual would put themselves in the position to be less of a person and then make a sorry excuse for their actions by saying “ I am teaching his/her spouse a lesson in love by getting on all fours and pleasing their man/woman for them.” It is a sure sign of low self-esteem and inner personal issues when you take pride in being the secret lover.
Convey a higher degree of respect for yourself and have compassion for the family that your actions are bound to ruin. It takes two to mingle however it only takes one person to call it off. Take into account what you deserve. You may believe you are in love, you may believe you want this person so bad that coming in second or being no priority beats the hell out of not having them in your bed at all. But does it? Do you not realize the impairment you are voluntarily causing yourself emotionally? Your actions are convincing your thoughts that you are not good enough to be someone’s #1. Your actions are setting you up to carry a long routine of settling for a few hours of loving from an individual you can’t even call your own. You are doing so much mental harm to yourself and for what? A quickie on your lunch break or a late night hit? Is that all you are good for? Look in the mirror and tell me is that how you want to be loved? Is that what you deserve? Is that what anyone deserves?
To all my secret lovers out there, it is time to step out of hiding, leave silently with dignity and class and find it within yourself to become someone's #1.
The written words of AJT
Why would you be ‘okay’ with playing number 2? Sometimes it isn’t even number 2. Number 2 gives you the title of being a ‘priority’. No matter how much you convince your mind that you matter, many times the “other man” and the “other woman” are never a priority. They are just “something new” that comes without a lifetime commitment or a need to be exclusive. The “other man/woman” are secret lovers that add excitement to the life of the married/committed individual.
What leaves me astonished and slightly disturbed is how the secret lovers can convince themselves that one day this man/woman will be all theirs. They honestly believe that the man/woman will simply leave their wives/husbands and children at home to start a new one with them! First and foremost, through your actions you have shown yourself to be worthless and okay with settling for a low position. The fact that you are kept hidden and an even greater factor, that they abandon their homes where their families reside to fulfill their sexual urge for a few hours with you, not only shows how insignificant they see you as but also it shows the common fact of this situation- they are addicted to having a no strings attached relationship with someone who does not mind coming second, or having no priority in their lives at all.
Lets bring our focus to a more “hygienic” sense ---
Every afternoon or late night this married/committed individual is creeping in bed with you, having sex with you, kissing you with the same body, lips and touch that he/she goes home to their family with. The same penetration that you are getting from this ruthless affair they are bringing it home to their exclusive relationship. So basically you are having sexual/personal relations with their whole family WILLINGLY. Why put yourself at risk? Do you honestly think you are the ONLY one playing “other woman/man? You think there haven't been others?
However, to my greatest surprise and less sympathetic side, there are some individuals who take pride in being “home wreckers”. They feel “if he/she would have been doing their jobs I would not have to screw their wives/husbands.” They say this as if it’s their purpose in life to have sex with married/committed individuals in order to prove a point to their spouses and loves that they are not “handing their business at home”. I guess relationship councilors are no longer existent. I guess the world of relationships is being counseled by home wreckers who find it to be their “duty” to teach the victim a lesson –“ if you wont screw your man/woman the right way, well I will do it for you”. What a load of crap! For the ones out there who take pleasure in the title of “home wrecker” I hope you gain a sense of self worth because no individual would put themselves in the position to be less of a person and then make a sorry excuse for their actions by saying “ I am teaching his/her spouse a lesson in love by getting on all fours and pleasing their man/woman for them.” It is a sure sign of low self-esteem and inner personal issues when you take pride in being the secret lover.
Convey a higher degree of respect for yourself and have compassion for the family that your actions are bound to ruin. It takes two to mingle however it only takes one person to call it off. Take into account what you deserve. You may believe you are in love, you may believe you want this person so bad that coming in second or being no priority beats the hell out of not having them in your bed at all. But does it? Do you not realize the impairment you are voluntarily causing yourself emotionally? Your actions are convincing your thoughts that you are not good enough to be someone’s #1. Your actions are setting you up to carry a long routine of settling for a few hours of loving from an individual you can’t even call your own. You are doing so much mental harm to yourself and for what? A quickie on your lunch break or a late night hit? Is that all you are good for? Look in the mirror and tell me is that how you want to be loved? Is that what you deserve? Is that what anyone deserves?
To all my secret lovers out there, it is time to step out of hiding, leave silently with dignity and class and find it within yourself to become someone's #1.
The written words of AJT
Sunday 6 November 2011
40th Blog Special Edition ** Letter From the Author AJT
Welcome readers, as we have reached blog # 40 I decided to open up to you all and allow you to understand why I came to begin “The Simplicity Of Love”. I had hoped that it would lead individuals to always having faith in love no matter how bad their luck was with relationships, no matter how much they had been hurt and no matter how bad they wanted to give up, because if there is one thing in this world that will change you and bring you back to life- it’s love. Don’t believe me? Well here I am the author Antoinette J. Thompson giving you my story because I believe someone somewhere will become a little more faithful in the essence of love. Here it is…
And after the liars, the cheap dates, the cheaters, the abusers and every bad competency you can think of that coincides with the journey of “Relationships Gone Wrong” I have found myself in this place with the right man, at the right time, in love truly for the first time.
I think through life we want so bad to be in love that we make it up in our heads with every relationship we enter. The person we are with can cause us more pain than happiness and because we stay through all of the hurtful words, actions and lies we believe it to be real. We find real love through the struggle of our relationships and we trick our minds into believing that “this is what love is about”. We say the tears we cry are only cried because we are in love. I am here to say that I have been there before and a love that hurts you more than it does good is not love at all but instead it is you tricking yourself and trying to persuade your heart that something you want is what you have.
I can count on one hand the number of relationships I have had in the past 6 years and many of them I uttered the words “ I love you” unknowingly. Most times I said it because it was said to me. The others, I said it because I had wanted to be in love so bad. It’s amazing what we would do for attention but its even more amazing the things we will push ourselves to believe in order to have a partner in our beds, no matter how much pain, agony and disrespect they bring into our hearts.
Truth is it is not until we stop, take a second and look back on those relationships that we realize we have never experienced love at all and that is what happened to me. One day I sat and I thought long and hard on my past relationships. I almost married one, and the rest I forced myself to stay in. Well, all of them I had forced myself to stay in even though deep down I did not want it, I just wanted what it could be but what it was never meant to be – REAL LOVE. Once I exited one relationship I rushed into another still on the search not knowing that one day the search would end because love would find me.
Well, when I was busy making other plans, trying to force my heart into another relationship, real love came, stopped me from making a huge mistake and sent me someone who was not hard to love, someone who I could not help but love. In the midst of living a lie, love came in and brought truth.
When I was 21 years old I fell in love for the first time. And let me tell you that I gave him hell. Not because he was a horrible man because actually he is an amazing, one of a kind man and not because I was already in a relationship, which I was. But I gave him hell because I was afraid. I did not know this feeling; I never experienced the thought of loving someone even more than I had loved myself. Putting someone else’s happiness in front of my own had never been a reality for me until this man came into my life. And it was then that I realized that the past was just that- it was not real, it was a stage in life that I had to pass in order to be ready to love the RIGHT way with the RIGHT man. Well after realizing that I was letting fear hold me back, I let go of the dishonest life I was leading and I choose to live a new one- in love for the first time.
My relationship is not perfect. We have our ups and our downs especially because I am in a long distance relationship. Our jobs cause us to be on two opposite sides of the world, not of the country, but of the WORLD. I know many of you are thinking – what? How can it work? Well, there were times when we argued everyday but no matter how much we argued the love never went dry. No matter how much I wanted to ignore him I could not. The urge for another? Never exists. You see the thing with long distance relationships is if you are with someone who you love enough that you cannot even think or picture yourself with anyone but them, then there is no other option but for it to work. Love does not discriminate no matter how far apart the hearts involved are. My man and I knew what we were going to have to deal with and the trials and tribulations that would follow. So no matter how bad it got we vowed to never give up and here we are today a year later loving each other more each day. This distance is temporary and everyday we get closer to waking up to each other for the rest of our lives.
***********Always remember that no relationship is perfect and the rough times will not last long – it is only temporary.
Understand this and listen to me carefully when I say – love that is real NEVER ends. You never break a part; you do not move on and give up. Love between two people – REAL LOVE- is a bond and that kind of bond is only at its most prominent when it is with the right person. Everything between you two, the spiritual connection, the physical and mental connection is not only on a "love level" but it is also an everlasting friendship. That bond, in my opinion, does not come around 3-4 times in a lifetime. It is rare and only a few people in this world have it. Even some married individuals do not have it and are married to the wrong person. There are some people, like I was, who are forcing themselves to be in relationships with the wrong person. Real love does not come around often and if you happen to experience it, you will see how it changes you for the better. You become a greater individual and no matter what storm is waving through your life you will still hold a smile because of that blessing you see everyday. That man/woman who makes the storms in life seem merely microscopic. It is a spiritual relationship because it involves the souls, spirits and essence of two individuals.
I write this blog “The Simplicity Of Love” because I have a profound respect for love. Even though my past is one where love played no existence, I was lead to love through all the misleading, failed attempts. I respect the journey of love because although the path may have you in tears, it may have you hating life, it may have you wanting to give up all together, it eventually leads you exactly where you are meant to be. You may just find yourself having fun being "in like" in most of your relationships and that is FINE. You will not be in love with every person you date. Just trust the capabilities of love's trail to get you where you need to be, into the arms of whom you belong. Cliche? But speaking from experience you will always end up right where you belong.
So if you take anything from my blog just take the ability to "LIKE" over and over again and to keep faith in eventually being confronted by love. When you least expect it, as you are making other plans, as I am a witness, love will change your life. It will make you a BETTER YOU and more importantly it will save you.
The written words of AJT
And after the liars, the cheap dates, the cheaters, the abusers and every bad competency you can think of that coincides with the journey of “Relationships Gone Wrong” I have found myself in this place with the right man, at the right time, in love truly for the first time.
I think through life we want so bad to be in love that we make it up in our heads with every relationship we enter. The person we are with can cause us more pain than happiness and because we stay through all of the hurtful words, actions and lies we believe it to be real. We find real love through the struggle of our relationships and we trick our minds into believing that “this is what love is about”. We say the tears we cry are only cried because we are in love. I am here to say that I have been there before and a love that hurts you more than it does good is not love at all but instead it is you tricking yourself and trying to persuade your heart that something you want is what you have.
I can count on one hand the number of relationships I have had in the past 6 years and many of them I uttered the words “ I love you” unknowingly. Most times I said it because it was said to me. The others, I said it because I had wanted to be in love so bad. It’s amazing what we would do for attention but its even more amazing the things we will push ourselves to believe in order to have a partner in our beds, no matter how much pain, agony and disrespect they bring into our hearts.
Truth is it is not until we stop, take a second and look back on those relationships that we realize we have never experienced love at all and that is what happened to me. One day I sat and I thought long and hard on my past relationships. I almost married one, and the rest I forced myself to stay in. Well, all of them I had forced myself to stay in even though deep down I did not want it, I just wanted what it could be but what it was never meant to be – REAL LOVE. Once I exited one relationship I rushed into another still on the search not knowing that one day the search would end because love would find me.
Well, when I was busy making other plans, trying to force my heart into another relationship, real love came, stopped me from making a huge mistake and sent me someone who was not hard to love, someone who I could not help but love. In the midst of living a lie, love came in and brought truth.
When I was 21 years old I fell in love for the first time. And let me tell you that I gave him hell. Not because he was a horrible man because actually he is an amazing, one of a kind man and not because I was already in a relationship, which I was. But I gave him hell because I was afraid. I did not know this feeling; I never experienced the thought of loving someone even more than I had loved myself. Putting someone else’s happiness in front of my own had never been a reality for me until this man came into my life. And it was then that I realized that the past was just that- it was not real, it was a stage in life that I had to pass in order to be ready to love the RIGHT way with the RIGHT man. Well after realizing that I was letting fear hold me back, I let go of the dishonest life I was leading and I choose to live a new one- in love for the first time.
My relationship is not perfect. We have our ups and our downs especially because I am in a long distance relationship. Our jobs cause us to be on two opposite sides of the world, not of the country, but of the WORLD. I know many of you are thinking – what? How can it work? Well, there were times when we argued everyday but no matter how much we argued the love never went dry. No matter how much I wanted to ignore him I could not. The urge for another? Never exists. You see the thing with long distance relationships is if you are with someone who you love enough that you cannot even think or picture yourself with anyone but them, then there is no other option but for it to work. Love does not discriminate no matter how far apart the hearts involved are. My man and I knew what we were going to have to deal with and the trials and tribulations that would follow. So no matter how bad it got we vowed to never give up and here we are today a year later loving each other more each day. This distance is temporary and everyday we get closer to waking up to each other for the rest of our lives.
***********Always remember that no relationship is perfect and the rough times will not last long – it is only temporary.
Understand this and listen to me carefully when I say – love that is real NEVER ends. You never break a part; you do not move on and give up. Love between two people – REAL LOVE- is a bond and that kind of bond is only at its most prominent when it is with the right person. Everything between you two, the spiritual connection, the physical and mental connection is not only on a "love level" but it is also an everlasting friendship. That bond, in my opinion, does not come around 3-4 times in a lifetime. It is rare and only a few people in this world have it. Even some married individuals do not have it and are married to the wrong person. There are some people, like I was, who are forcing themselves to be in relationships with the wrong person. Real love does not come around often and if you happen to experience it, you will see how it changes you for the better. You become a greater individual and no matter what storm is waving through your life you will still hold a smile because of that blessing you see everyday. That man/woman who makes the storms in life seem merely microscopic. It is a spiritual relationship because it involves the souls, spirits and essence of two individuals.
I write this blog “The Simplicity Of Love” because I have a profound respect for love. Even though my past is one where love played no existence, I was lead to love through all the misleading, failed attempts. I respect the journey of love because although the path may have you in tears, it may have you hating life, it may have you wanting to give up all together, it eventually leads you exactly where you are meant to be. You may just find yourself having fun being "in like" in most of your relationships and that is FINE. You will not be in love with every person you date. Just trust the capabilities of love's trail to get you where you need to be, into the arms of whom you belong. Cliche? But speaking from experience you will always end up right where you belong.
So if you take anything from my blog just take the ability to "LIKE" over and over again and to keep faith in eventually being confronted by love. When you least expect it, as you are making other plans, as I am a witness, love will change your life. It will make you a BETTER YOU and more importantly it will save you.
The written words of AJT
Wednesday 2 November 2011
"WHY ROB THE CRADLE?"
Are you one of those individuals who in 20 years will bring home a date that is the same age as your oldest child? In other words, will you be known to rob the cradle?
Do not confuse this blog as me declaring that I am against dating someone younger because that is not true, however I do believe there should be a line in the relationship between loving your younger partner and feeling like you are raising your younger partner. When you date someone younger (and I am not talking about a year or two younger than you- I am preferring to a decade) you take the risk of being confused because there will come a point in the relationship where you will not be able to tell if you are loving your younger partner or parenting them.
There is no problem with dating someone younger because the age does not matter. You can be 30 years old and find a 20 year old just as mature and level headed as you. It is not the age.
What matters is the person and the experiences that they bring into the relationship.
Dating someone younger than you makes it evident that they are a little wet behind the ears compared to you because you have about 10-20 more years on them. This can be good or this can be bad. Good because together you two can learn more about one another and your partner can keep you young. However, a lack of experience can lead to your younger partner handling situations in a more immature way. Now do not get me wrong, many of us at any age can sometimes find ourselves handling situations in an immature manner. However the difference comes in when our actions come from anger vs. your 12-year younger partner whose actions are coming from lack of experience.
Okay so what about the sex? Personally, I do not want to feel like I am sleeping with a 14 year old. Bird chest babies with no signs of puberty (chest hair) is a no go for me LOL. However, everyone is different. Many people believe that sleeping with someone younger will be more exciting than sleeping with someone their own age or older. Maybe. In terms of endurance I am sure a 25 year old woman will be more active and flexible than a 45 year old woman. Every man loves a good “ride”.(wink) And maybe a 25-year-old man will last a bit longer than a 45 year old man. Every woman wants to have sex long enough to reach her climax. BUT with time comes wisdom and intellect on how to really maneuver the human body (for most). Speaking as a woman, who wants a man who has to look under the sheets in order to guide himself in? Someone experienced has a mental map!
A friend of mine recalls having sex with a man who was 9 years younger than her as she states, “ Girl, I am 40 years old and I want passion but all this youngin wanted to do was go fast, too hard and reach his own climax. What is up with young men wanting to pound you and rush like a damn dog!” If that is not funny enough, could it be true? Are younger individuals just about sex and not love making?
I don’t know about other women out there but I prefer a man who is intellectually blessed when it comes to the a woman's anatomy rather than a youngin who has just found the location of the g-spot. EXPERIENCE MATTERS~
No one wants to add extra weight on when it comes to loving someone. Loving someone should not be hard and in most cases when you find yourself dating someone younger the strain is more complex. It is possible to be in a successful relationship with someone younger but more work will be needed to make it work. This does not just include the age barrier in numbers but also mentality and life. However never think that just because someone is younger than you in mentality or age that you cannot learn anything from him or her. Sometimes it takes being around a younger individual to enjoy life more. Younger people are more carefree and sometimes we need that spur of energy in our lives.
So to date younger or not to date younger? Well I cannot answer that question for you. It is an evaluation. You must evaluate where you are in life, where you want to go and whom you want to take along with you. Most importantly, you need to evaluate the person because whether someone you are dating is younger or older is not the biggest issue, the biggest factor comes in dating someone who helps you progress, makes you better and makes you want to be even greater. That is not discriminate upon age. The more you learn with your partner and the more you stop looking at the age barrier the closer it will pull you both together. So robbing the cradle? It’s not too bad – if they are legal LOL – It’s about the love and where it can take you.
The written words of AJT
Do not confuse this blog as me declaring that I am against dating someone younger because that is not true, however I do believe there should be a line in the relationship between loving your younger partner and feeling like you are raising your younger partner. When you date someone younger (and I am not talking about a year or two younger than you- I am preferring to a decade) you take the risk of being confused because there will come a point in the relationship where you will not be able to tell if you are loving your younger partner or parenting them.
There is no problem with dating someone younger because the age does not matter. You can be 30 years old and find a 20 year old just as mature and level headed as you. It is not the age.
What matters is the person and the experiences that they bring into the relationship.
Dating someone younger than you makes it evident that they are a little wet behind the ears compared to you because you have about 10-20 more years on them. This can be good or this can be bad. Good because together you two can learn more about one another and your partner can keep you young. However, a lack of experience can lead to your younger partner handling situations in a more immature way. Now do not get me wrong, many of us at any age can sometimes find ourselves handling situations in an immature manner. However the difference comes in when our actions come from anger vs. your 12-year younger partner whose actions are coming from lack of experience.
Okay so what about the sex? Personally, I do not want to feel like I am sleeping with a 14 year old. Bird chest babies with no signs of puberty (chest hair) is a no go for me LOL. However, everyone is different. Many people believe that sleeping with someone younger will be more exciting than sleeping with someone their own age or older. Maybe. In terms of endurance I am sure a 25 year old woman will be more active and flexible than a 45 year old woman. Every man loves a good “ride”.(wink) And maybe a 25-year-old man will last a bit longer than a 45 year old man. Every woman wants to have sex long enough to reach her climax. BUT with time comes wisdom and intellect on how to really maneuver the human body (for most). Speaking as a woman, who wants a man who has to look under the sheets in order to guide himself in? Someone experienced has a mental map!
A friend of mine recalls having sex with a man who was 9 years younger than her as she states, “ Girl, I am 40 years old and I want passion but all this youngin wanted to do was go fast, too hard and reach his own climax. What is up with young men wanting to pound you and rush like a damn dog!” If that is not funny enough, could it be true? Are younger individuals just about sex and not love making?
I don’t know about other women out there but I prefer a man who is intellectually blessed when it comes to the a woman's anatomy rather than a youngin who has just found the location of the g-spot. EXPERIENCE MATTERS~
No one wants to add extra weight on when it comes to loving someone. Loving someone should not be hard and in most cases when you find yourself dating someone younger the strain is more complex. It is possible to be in a successful relationship with someone younger but more work will be needed to make it work. This does not just include the age barrier in numbers but also mentality and life. However never think that just because someone is younger than you in mentality or age that you cannot learn anything from him or her. Sometimes it takes being around a younger individual to enjoy life more. Younger people are more carefree and sometimes we need that spur of energy in our lives.
So to date younger or not to date younger? Well I cannot answer that question for you. It is an evaluation. You must evaluate where you are in life, where you want to go and whom you want to take along with you. Most importantly, you need to evaluate the person because whether someone you are dating is younger or older is not the biggest issue, the biggest factor comes in dating someone who helps you progress, makes you better and makes you want to be even greater. That is not discriminate upon age. The more you learn with your partner and the more you stop looking at the age barrier the closer it will pull you both together. So robbing the cradle? It’s not too bad – if they are legal LOL – It’s about the love and where it can take you.
The written words of AJT
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