Ladies, why do you find comfort in the love you give to your Mr. Wrong? When Mary J. Blige’s song hit the scene I remember a flow of Facebook statuses quoting her song lyrics. Am I blowing this out of proportion or is it taken too lightly how easily women fall into the realm of giving their unconditional love to Mr. Wrongs instead of Mr. Rights?
If you have given him the title “Mr. Wrong” then that proves to me that you know you are settling for less, you know you are being mistreated but you are held down by this evident circumstance. There is no reason why you should relish in your pain. Why do you not want more for yourself? For your heart? Why not have a sense of respect for your one of a kind love that you can be giving to a man willing to return that and so much more?
Do not allow a song to nail your feet to the ground in a relationship that has no chance of progression. And please refrain from telling me that even though your Mr. Wrong treats you so bad you find happiness and satisfaction in the “relationship” (notice how I quote relationship) Newsflash: you are not happy at all instead you have become content in your means of settling. Your emotions are used to the pain so the overall reaction of it no longer exists. Your expectations are low for your Mr. Wrong so every time he screws up you are less surprised for you expect nothing more of him. This is not the ingredient or factor of happiness it only shows that you have been putting up with bad for so long that your mind and emotions have become accustomed to the maltreatment. You trick yourself into believing that it is happiness when really it is self-infliction. Infliction that you have limited yourself to. You are where you are in your love life, attracting who you are attracting because of what you allow yourself to put up with.
Admitting that your man is Mr. Wrong and still being in the relationship does not show loyalty to your man or yourself instead it shows how cowardly you really are. It shows how little security you have within yourself. It is a pure reflection of your self-esteem (or lack of) and of what you believe you deserve or should I say: What you believe you DO NOT deserve. Break free from this crippling mentality because if you don’t you will have a long record of Mr. Wrongs and a non-existent record of Mr. Rights.
Do you know what happens when you spend all of your time and your love on the wrong man? Not only do you impede yourself from ever being with the right man but you also turn the right man the other way. When a man sees a woman putting up with less of what she deserves many will not try and rescue her from it. Men are becoming tired of the stereotypical mad, bitter, sad, un-confident woman. They do not want to build a woman; they want a woman who has already created herself. This foundation is to include her confidence, self-respect, ambition and worth. Men do not want to take on a project when searching for the right woman. Most rather find the right woman when they know they have become the right man.
In order to find your self-foundation, reach personal heights and gain your self-respect back you need to let go of the liabilities. And the number one liability that is holding you back is your Mr. Wrong. You have already admitted how insignificant and unworthy he is of your love by the title you have bestowed upon him, however a profounder change is needed. You must burn the ties you have to this man and give yourself a chance at more.
Please delete Mary J Blige’s song “Mr. Wrong” from your playlist. As a matter of fact erase it from your iTunes library and gain a sense of consciousness to what the song is doing to your love life. Yes music has the tendency to lead us down unsuccessful paths. Break free from the illusion of words in music and pay attention to reality. Reality is that no woman should take pride in Mr. Wrong. We should be perfecting ourselves in hopes of attracting Mr. Right.
The Written Words Of AJT
Saturday 31 March 2012
Wednesday 14 March 2012
How Important Is It That You And Your Partner Want Similar Life Goals? VERY!
We are all on differentiated levels in life. Our minds reside in diverse heights of open mindedness, understanding and awareness. This effects whom we love, how we love them and if the love is everlasting. One of the more imperative aspects of finding the right partner is making sure their goals are in alignment or coincide to your own. They do not have to have the same exact personal/professional ambitions as you however; they have to be headed in the same direction. Why? Because if two people are not on the same balance in life when it comes to the goals set and personal growth pursued then the relationship will never progress because someone will be either left behind or unwillingly dragged along.
A closed minded individual cannot and will not maintain a successful relationship with an open minded individual. Someone who lives for the day cannot and will not maintain a successful relationship with someone who plans, distinguishes and knows exactly where they want to be next week. Many of you will argue with me and say, “opposites attract”. Truth is this theory does not work for the full spectra of choosing a mate. Personalities can be different, style may be different but when it comes to the course of life, movement and growth, both parties have to be headed in the same direction focused on the same outcome. In order to keep the love on neutral ground both parties need to know what they want in life and how they are going to go about retrieving it. How can someone more interested in their profession and less interested in children hold a successful relationship with someone who dreams of having a family? Wouldn’t work.
I notice too occasionally that individuals embark in relationships without giving any thought into the person they are with. You may have a physical attraction to your partner NOW, you may admire their occupation NOW but you have to dig deeper when searching for life companionship; just because they have a good steady job NOW does not mean it is the job they want for the rest of their lives. Find out the dreams and hopes of your partner and make sure you can willingly accept those dreams. The both of you need to understand each other on a more personal level. You need to learn your partners’ position when it comes to having a family, professional development and personal progress. So many get married, find that their future is aligning just the way they pictured it BUT their partner has different ambitions that are pulling them both in separate directions.
We often analyze the life that someone is currently living and we base our love on that alone. You cannot just be in love with someone for who they are now. You have to know that you are going to love them even if what they are doing currently is not what they want to be doing in the long run. It may sound a bit cliché but you would be surprised at how many individuals find out later in the relationship, after vows, promises and devotions have been made, that their partner (for example) wants to quit the firm and open a new business from scratch. It is not until this change of life direction do we realize that we may not be strong enough or able to love them for whom they are trying to become.
****You have to love who they are NOW but you also have to love who they want to become***
The direction in which you are traveling in your life you do not want to be halted because your partner’s life plan is either less or more differentiated. Both of you should have similar goals in mind so you can travel the road together, help one another and reach those heights collectively. Studies show that relationships working together, trying to reach a common goal have a greater chance of surviving compared to a couple where both parties live mentally separated, traveling different life paths. Defuse the surprises and learn upfront what your partner is about now and who they hope to be later on. Make sure that the person you love now you will love them no matter what route in life they choose to take. Support is crucial to a relationship’s triumph because it is where we really show our admiration, hope and faith in our partners. You cannot just support them when you feel like it – love entails support throughout. If you cannot accept their dreams, their beliefs or their directions in life then you need to leave their path and find someone who can travel yours in hopes of reaching a similar destination.
The Written words of AJT
A closed minded individual cannot and will not maintain a successful relationship with an open minded individual. Someone who lives for the day cannot and will not maintain a successful relationship with someone who plans, distinguishes and knows exactly where they want to be next week. Many of you will argue with me and say, “opposites attract”. Truth is this theory does not work for the full spectra of choosing a mate. Personalities can be different, style may be different but when it comes to the course of life, movement and growth, both parties have to be headed in the same direction focused on the same outcome. In order to keep the love on neutral ground both parties need to know what they want in life and how they are going to go about retrieving it. How can someone more interested in their profession and less interested in children hold a successful relationship with someone who dreams of having a family? Wouldn’t work.
I notice too occasionally that individuals embark in relationships without giving any thought into the person they are with. You may have a physical attraction to your partner NOW, you may admire their occupation NOW but you have to dig deeper when searching for life companionship; just because they have a good steady job NOW does not mean it is the job they want for the rest of their lives. Find out the dreams and hopes of your partner and make sure you can willingly accept those dreams. The both of you need to understand each other on a more personal level. You need to learn your partners’ position when it comes to having a family, professional development and personal progress. So many get married, find that their future is aligning just the way they pictured it BUT their partner has different ambitions that are pulling them both in separate directions.
We often analyze the life that someone is currently living and we base our love on that alone. You cannot just be in love with someone for who they are now. You have to know that you are going to love them even if what they are doing currently is not what they want to be doing in the long run. It may sound a bit cliché but you would be surprised at how many individuals find out later in the relationship, after vows, promises and devotions have been made, that their partner (for example) wants to quit the firm and open a new business from scratch. It is not until this change of life direction do we realize that we may not be strong enough or able to love them for whom they are trying to become.
****You have to love who they are NOW but you also have to love who they want to become***
The direction in which you are traveling in your life you do not want to be halted because your partner’s life plan is either less or more differentiated. Both of you should have similar goals in mind so you can travel the road together, help one another and reach those heights collectively. Studies show that relationships working together, trying to reach a common goal have a greater chance of surviving compared to a couple where both parties live mentally separated, traveling different life paths. Defuse the surprises and learn upfront what your partner is about now and who they hope to be later on. Make sure that the person you love now you will love them no matter what route in life they choose to take. Support is crucial to a relationship’s triumph because it is where we really show our admiration, hope and faith in our partners. You cannot just support them when you feel like it – love entails support throughout. If you cannot accept their dreams, their beliefs or their directions in life then you need to leave their path and find someone who can travel yours in hopes of reaching a similar destination.
The Written words of AJT
Wednesday 7 March 2012
Who Cares What They Think. Let Them Talk!
For some strange reason many of us believe we can pick and choose whom we love. Our hearts bear no care for our physical resistance towards the person we really love. I have known many who rather be alone and sad than be with the person they truly love because they were embarrassed to love them. Love is not an embarrassment and if they are good to you, if you know their heart and their love’s intentions towards you then you need to embrace and cherish it because many never come in contact with this kind of affection in this lifetime. We worry so much about the judgments of others that we would jeopardize our happiness so others would not talk about or dislike us. Who cares! Your happiness is more important than the ignorance of others or their simple-mindedness. Be bold and stop living by what others want for you and live for what you want for you.
I know many of us hide love because we feel if we expose it, it will be hindered. However if love was meant to be in the shadows how would we ever know what real love is? This does not mean you release all of your business. What I am saying is that your happiness deserves to be known and acknowledged. If not by others then by you. People notice when you have a glow, they notice when you are happy and when you hide it you are only feeding into the “talkers”. Why have something to hide if you do not care about what others have to say? When I found love…I mean REALLY found love I was so over joyed and I thought I had to hide it because I was worried about what others would think. I had just gotten out of one relationship and now I was in another. I thought people would see me as desperate and confused even though I knew that what I had was exactly what I wanted and deserved. I had come in contact with real happiness but was too afraid to speak of it or show it because I was too fixated on the judgments of others. How horrible is that? Having to hide your happiness because you are afraid of judgmental people? People are going to talk anyway so why not just be you without worrying about who says what?
Whether we take our partners back for a mistake they made or whether we break up with someone because we are no longer interested- people are going to pass judgment and talk. (Even though they have no idea what has went on behind closed doors between you and your significant other.) The unknown feeds into their gossip and they come up with their own assumptions. I was a victim of caring about the thoughts of others but the truth is NO ONE KNOWS WHO YOU ARE and it doesn’t matter. Pursue your happiness with your wants and needs in mind. Even if the crowd is fixated upon your choice you should never hold shame.
I don’t believe in hidden love. And I also do not believe in allowing one's business to soar the cities. There is a great balance between hiding due to embarrassment or shame and hiding because your love is your love. The kind of hidden I refer to in this blog is being afraid to answer honestly when someone asks about your happiness. Date who you want to date and love who you love because when you look into the eyes of your partner no one else should be relevant.
The written words of AJT
I know many of us hide love because we feel if we expose it, it will be hindered. However if love was meant to be in the shadows how would we ever know what real love is? This does not mean you release all of your business. What I am saying is that your happiness deserves to be known and acknowledged. If not by others then by you. People notice when you have a glow, they notice when you are happy and when you hide it you are only feeding into the “talkers”. Why have something to hide if you do not care about what others have to say? When I found love…I mean REALLY found love I was so over joyed and I thought I had to hide it because I was worried about what others would think. I had just gotten out of one relationship and now I was in another. I thought people would see me as desperate and confused even though I knew that what I had was exactly what I wanted and deserved. I had come in contact with real happiness but was too afraid to speak of it or show it because I was too fixated on the judgments of others. How horrible is that? Having to hide your happiness because you are afraid of judgmental people? People are going to talk anyway so why not just be you without worrying about who says what?
Whether we take our partners back for a mistake they made or whether we break up with someone because we are no longer interested- people are going to pass judgment and talk. (Even though they have no idea what has went on behind closed doors between you and your significant other.) The unknown feeds into their gossip and they come up with their own assumptions. I was a victim of caring about the thoughts of others but the truth is NO ONE KNOWS WHO YOU ARE and it doesn’t matter. Pursue your happiness with your wants and needs in mind. Even if the crowd is fixated upon your choice you should never hold shame.
I don’t believe in hidden love. And I also do not believe in allowing one's business to soar the cities. There is a great balance between hiding due to embarrassment or shame and hiding because your love is your love. The kind of hidden I refer to in this blog is being afraid to answer honestly when someone asks about your happiness. Date who you want to date and love who you love because when you look into the eyes of your partner no one else should be relevant.
The written words of AJT
Sunday 4 March 2012
Sex: Sometimes Less Is More so STOP Trying So Hard
The BEAUTY of lovemaking. Yes it is a magnificent activity BUT some of you try extremely too hard and take the pleasure away from this, supposed to be, marvelous endeavor. What do I mean by trying too hard? I am sure many of you have found yourselves with an individual who really wanted it to be good with you – referring to the sex. So they did a lot of extra yet unnecessary things to make sure the experience was great. Truth of the matter is sometimes less is more. And yes, there is such a thing as being too freaky and instead of turning your partner on it begins to turn your partner off.
There are so many different sexual ventures when it comes to foreplay but the fact that many of you fail to embrace is that not all foreplay activities is for you! Maybe you are not flexible, maybe dancing isn’t your cup of tea and maybe oral sex grosses you out. Okay all of these claims are legitimate but when you still try to do it and your partner can tell that the action is overly forced you ruin the intimacy. The point is that in sex, just like all other situations in life, you have to be true to you! If you know you cannot dance ladies then please do not try and put on a show for your partner because half the time they KNOW you CANNOT dance before you even press play on the music. I am going to step away from making this blog about the ladies because it is not about one sex it is about BOTH.
Sexual activities before actual intercourse (foreplay) should be natural, fun and fulfilling and it should not be something you have to try so hard at that by the time you are ready to embrace intercourse your partner is screaming to be rescued from this nightmare. How awkward. Do not embarrass yourself during an intimate moment because you are trying to be someone you are not. It is sexy to be yourself. Your partner loved you before you tried to give them a circus show in bed- they loved you when you were just YOU. So stay true to that. It is more than great to want to give your partner more than the usual sexual experience because it strays away from keeping things boring but just make sure that any act you give into is a reflection of who you are and the attractions of your partner. Do not take part in something way out of your comfort zone that has your partner scratching their head wondering why you thought it was a good idea in the first place. Trying too hard will leave you looking a bit foolish and your partner afraid to embark in another sexual experience with you.
When it comes to sex we all have our skills, our likes and dislikes, our wants and desires and it is so important that we take that into consideration when we are having sex with our partners. It has to feel good for everyone involved. Sex is not one sided, it is an act to please both parties. Sometimes it is better to leave the extra, never been tried, not your cup of tea endeavors to the side because if you feel stupid doing it I am sure your partner feels stupid watching and taking part in it. Hey, I am just being real. LESS IS MORE. If your partner is freaky stay in the realms of their freakiness – do not assume that because they are freaky they like UNBELIEVABLY FREAKY things. There is a limit to freakiness that sometimes, depending on the partners involved, should not be experimented with.
So lets not turn our partners off or make them think we have lost our mind. Embarrassment in the bedroom, to my belief, is the worse kind of embarrassment because it makes the time after a bit awkward. Talk before you act. Do not try to surprise your honey with something too out of the ordinary. Just make sure it is to their liking because lets face it we would hate to have our partners scared, hesitant or unenthusiastic about having sex with us.
The written words of AJT
There are so many different sexual ventures when it comes to foreplay but the fact that many of you fail to embrace is that not all foreplay activities is for you! Maybe you are not flexible, maybe dancing isn’t your cup of tea and maybe oral sex grosses you out. Okay all of these claims are legitimate but when you still try to do it and your partner can tell that the action is overly forced you ruin the intimacy. The point is that in sex, just like all other situations in life, you have to be true to you! If you know you cannot dance ladies then please do not try and put on a show for your partner because half the time they KNOW you CANNOT dance before you even press play on the music. I am going to step away from making this blog about the ladies because it is not about one sex it is about BOTH.
Sexual activities before actual intercourse (foreplay) should be natural, fun and fulfilling and it should not be something you have to try so hard at that by the time you are ready to embrace intercourse your partner is screaming to be rescued from this nightmare. How awkward. Do not embarrass yourself during an intimate moment because you are trying to be someone you are not. It is sexy to be yourself. Your partner loved you before you tried to give them a circus show in bed- they loved you when you were just YOU. So stay true to that. It is more than great to want to give your partner more than the usual sexual experience because it strays away from keeping things boring but just make sure that any act you give into is a reflection of who you are and the attractions of your partner. Do not take part in something way out of your comfort zone that has your partner scratching their head wondering why you thought it was a good idea in the first place. Trying too hard will leave you looking a bit foolish and your partner afraid to embark in another sexual experience with you.
When it comes to sex we all have our skills, our likes and dislikes, our wants and desires and it is so important that we take that into consideration when we are having sex with our partners. It has to feel good for everyone involved. Sex is not one sided, it is an act to please both parties. Sometimes it is better to leave the extra, never been tried, not your cup of tea endeavors to the side because if you feel stupid doing it I am sure your partner feels stupid watching and taking part in it. Hey, I am just being real. LESS IS MORE. If your partner is freaky stay in the realms of their freakiness – do not assume that because they are freaky they like UNBELIEVABLY FREAKY things. There is a limit to freakiness that sometimes, depending on the partners involved, should not be experimented with.
So lets not turn our partners off or make them think we have lost our mind. Embarrassment in the bedroom, to my belief, is the worse kind of embarrassment because it makes the time after a bit awkward. Talk before you act. Do not try to surprise your honey with something too out of the ordinary. Just make sure it is to their liking because lets face it we would hate to have our partners scared, hesitant or unenthusiastic about having sex with us.
The written words of AJT
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)