Wednesday 27 June 2012

"We Had Sex…Now I Think I love Them! Am I Trippin?"


A common misconception with sex is thinking we have fallen in love from it.  The sex can be so good that it has us daydreaming about walking down the aisle, moving in together, and baby names when we have only been dating our partners for a short period of time! This is familiarly the case with individuals who take giving away their goodies seriously. People who see sex as less of an attachment do not find themselves falling in love over it. Still, when we have sex with our partners, before deep feelings and connections have become visible, there is always someone in the relationship who will grow a bit attached to this new physical partnership. This attachment I speak of has the power to confuse post sexual feelings with falling in love and disregards to see it for what it really is– LUST. SO to answer your question…YES, YOU TRIPPIN!
Good sex has power. Toe curling, body trembling PHYSICAL power but also butterflies in the belly, saying things we really don’t mean, emotional confusion, MENTAL power. The physical power holds less confusion because it is something we cannot help. If the sex is good our bodies will react to it BUT when it comes to sex’s mental power we LOSE all control! We confuse the fact that we are having good sex with our partner to thinking we have fallen in love with our partner. We rush the most important aspect of the relationship – the journey of falling in love. Which is why you hear many relationship councilors stress the importance of waiting to have sex because with sex comes perplexed feelings, overprotective egos and a rushed relationship.
The only time we can downgrade the magnitude of the emotions that comes with sex is when we are not having sex with our partners yet. However, once a sexual relationship begins EVERYTHING changes. What puzzles me is that we often link women to this overly attached, post sexual emotion when the truth of the matter is it affects both sexes. Not all men have sex casually. Not all men are able to sleep with a woman they care nothing for. So yes, men can to be hypnotized by sexual encounters. The sex makes him feel as if he has now taken ownership of all she possesses physically. In his eyes, she is his and the very thought of her giving the goods to another man makes him furious. This is the mental and emotional bondage that comes with sex and one that causes us to confuse sex with love. Being sexually WHIPPED does not mean you have found your soul mate.
So to all of you who are putting rings on it because between the sheets you have reached your highest level of ecstasy…THINK AGAIN. I am not saying that having sex with your partner is the wrong thing to do. What I am saying is that sex rushes emotions and can play terrible tricks on the mind disregarding the truth within the heart. So just let the sex be good! You do not have to go out planning the wedding, kids and retirement! Chill out, fall in love and naturally let the emotions mature.
The Written Words of AJT

Sunday 17 June 2012

"Putting Yourself Down Infront of Your Man? Very Unattractive Ladies!"


Ladies, are we searching for a compliment when we tell our men “babe I am so fat…I think I should lose some weight…my stomach looks so gross after the baby... I don’t feel like I look good in this”? Either we are searching for a compliment or we are putting ourselves down in front of a man who OBVIOUSLY finds us attractive. My women, you are your own worse enemy. Quit dragging your man into your self-conscious fits!

It is not attractive to him when you constantly put yourself down. A man finds confidence in a woman to be one of her sexiest assets. Women who may not be the prettiest in the bunch but have great self esteem always score bigger than a pretty face with a lack of confidence. Confidence is a sign of personal strength and affirmation. Another reason why men love it? Because it makes their job much easier! A man does not want to constantly remind his woman of how beautiful she is. Of course he will compliment her regularly but when a man has a woman who already sees the beauty within herself, he does not have to build her confidence or esteem. Men do not like endlessly having to put you in front of a mirror to remind you how amazing you are. They want you to already know!

Men are aware that a woman with confidence will rarely nag him and falsely accuse him of unfaithfulness. Within confidence lies independence and trust. When a woman is confident she does not have to place jealousy and envy in her head towards other women. It is jealousy and low self esteem that fuels women to accuse faithful men of being dishonest. A woman’s jealousy and lack of confidence will form worries and negative thoughts within her mind, which will eventually lead to her over analyzing everything her man does. She will continually flip his actions into him being untrue to her. MEN HATE THIS! The last thing a faithful man wants to do is spend his days proving to you how genuine he is actually being. After a while it gets old and your lack of confidence will have a good man running straight for the door.

Ladies, you have to stop comparing yourself to every woman you see. You have to quit thinking your man wants every pretty face. You have to stop thinking that you are not good enough. You have to stop letting your low self-esteem push a good man away from you. If he did not think you were beautiful, good enough, amazing, one of a kind then he would not be here with you right now proving himself true. You must see in yourself what he sees in you. Do not make it hard for him to love you. Do not make it hard for him to stay. Know your beauty just as he knows your beauty. Come on ladies…GET YOUR MIND RIGHT!

The Written Words of AJT

Sunday 10 June 2012

"As I Age and My Body Changes...Will His Love For Me Change As Well?"


When it comes to aging most women become self-conscious and insecure. This insecurity springs from physical change (pregnancy, aging etc.) & wanting to keep our tight physique from our 20s and 30s because it is what drew our men to us, defined us as women and molded our self confidence. Hmmm. I guess? The mental strains that are placed upon women as we age are unnecessary. Aging is unavoidable. Aging beautifully is not. However we must take into account that aging beautifully is not just about hitting the gym, eating right and using good creams…it is also about our emotional and mental states towards our self-image. When you know and feel as if you look amazing you will look amazing. Still, the most terrifying question that arises is if our men, who fell in love with our tight 20-year-old figures, will still remain attracted to our more curvaceous, maybe a little wrinkles a few stretch marks and a few pounds gained, physiques when we exceed our primes. Once we realize that external beauty fades it is only then that we can approach aging with security, confidence and appreciation.

Ladies, while you wonder if your man is going to love you after your physical changes come into play, he also wonders the same about you. Men age just as we do. Do you not think he has insecurities as well when it comes to adding an extra candle on his birthday cake? He may be wondering if you are still going to find him attractive after that 6 pack you loved so much fades out of sight. However, you may THINK he fell in love with your youthful limbs, gorgeous legs and tight physique but really that is not where love gains its longevity. Love is about keeping the flame after the “prettiness” fades. He may have first caught attraction due to some of your physical attributes but his love for you persevered because of who you are beyond physicality. Being pretty has no association with longevity because “prettiness” is temporary.

Pregnant women often find themselves as key victims of being fearful of the aftermath of their bodies. They wonder if their men will stray due to their physical changes. Well, not to my surprise, after speaking to some fathers and soon to be fathers, they assured me that when they found out their woman was pregnant it made her more beautiful to them. This one man in particular told me that he found his girlfriend’s stretch marks to be powerful and a sign of female strength. He said he loved her differently from that point on not just because she was going to be the mother of his child but also because the beauty she possessed after and during her child bearing was one he can only have sincere respect for.

Ladies, we are our own worse enemy!  We associate sexiness and prettiness with our physical features; our butts, our legs, our smiles and of course our hair. Lol. But we do not give men enough credit because they envision our physicality in such a different way. They know we will grow old. They know that after we conceive their children our bodies will never be the same. They understand that our bodies go through more changes than theirs and they understand the emotional insecurities that come along with those changes. ******BUT this is not speaking for ALL men because let us not be naïve; there are some men who have not gained an understanding that physical features fade and unfortunately those men may never experience true love. Do not allow their comments and shallow opinions deter your self esteem. A man in touch with reality who is aware of your true worth, that of course stretches beyond your physique, is the only man worth the opportunity of sharing this aging experience with you.

Please, stop being so hard on yourself. We cannot pause the years. We cannot get back our younger days. I personally believe that aging is beautiful within us women. Aging is what enhances our wisdom of life, men, relationships and personal worth. When you are in your 20s you are making mistakes, dating the wrong men (most of us), not being good to our bodies, and still wet behind the ears. When we are in our 30s we begin being serious about our health, we are learning our lessons,  and beginning our careers and families. Once we hit our 40s we are full of wisdom, experience, good times and bad. We can spot a good man from a distance and a bad one from even farther away. We know whom we are, where we have been and where we are still trying to go. This is our timeline. Why do we constantly approach aging as just a physical change…it is a life change. A beautiful life change. Prepare yourself mentally for life as it comes and in every aspect of the way, age beautifully.

The Written Words of AJT

Tuesday 5 June 2012

What Determines Your Worth As A Woman? Ladies, Here is your WAKE UP CALL!


Why is “independent woman” often associated with women who withhold 6 figure salaries? Does that make a housewife less independent than that career woman? I bring this up because I recently came in contact with a woman who holds a very high paying job, has children however no man. (I am not getting stereotypical here either, so just stay with me on this one) She told me that her children are constantly at her throat for her lack of being home, dating or going to school meetings. She says, “I feel like I am being punished for being a successful independent woman. I don’t need nor want a man. My salary is proof enough.” Now where did this come from? Before tackling the fact that her children feel neglected she automatically bursts into the “I don’t need a man” speech that we so often hear from women who have either been hurt or have their heads so high in their corporate job that they deny the want of masculinity between their sheets. Why have so many women become brainwashed into believing that if they do not hold jobs of high statute, no mater how much neglect it causes their children and their happiness, they are inferior in society and personal security. It is as if their annual salary determines their worth.

Just as I know many women who claim to be “independent corporate, independent doctors, independent lawyers who DON’T NEED A MAN” I also know women who tend to their household fulltime and have a side job that may not bring in a lot of money BUT brings happiness to every aspect of their life. It enables them to fulfill their personal needs and still have time to be available to the ones they love. This is not me shooting down you ambitious, beautiful women out there who have high corporate, doctoral dreams - it is just me saying – Ladies, stop thinking you have to uphold these high career jobs that you hate to feel some kind of worth! If it’s what makes you happy DO IT…but if it stresses you to the point where you can’t even give attention to those who love you…LEAVE IT!

This woman later told me that she loves doing hair and always wanted to open up a shop but she refused to do so because the money was not there and the title of “hairdresser” didn’t dazzle a soul. Really? It makes me wonder how many women put themselves in these competitive categories. Chasing money will not make you rich! Working for someone will not make you rich. If she had opened up her own hair business, she would be working on her own terms and NO ONE would be signing her check. Of course it would take a while for the business to reach its peak but all great things take time to flourish.

The stress in women are caused by one of three things:
1.     They are unhappy in their jobs
2.     They are unhappy in their relationships (husband, kids, family etc.)
3.     They are unhappy with themselves
This unhappiness is caused when women settle for what is “right” in the eyes of society compared to what truly makes them happy.

Over the years women have had society to blame for why they feel the need to be independent. If a woman does not provide on her own, tend to her children, and uphold a stable life without the assistance of a man she is looked upon as weak. As much as I disagree with this claim it is the world we live in. Personally, I feel women who stay at home and tend to the house, children and husband are no less capable than a woman with a 6-figure salary. Problem is, women are brainwashed into believing that the title “house wife” holds no success. They find it to be a title that shows the inferiority of a woman. This is not true. It takes a lot to raise a child, tend to the home and keep a working husband fully satisfied. Just because two people are traveling different paths does not mean their life’s achievements will be any less. They may achieve differently but they are both still successful in their own way.

I meet so many independent women who feel they had to get that corporate job, they had to become a doctor, and they had to become a lawyer because the power makes them “more of a woman”. However ask a man who comes home from a long day of work to a clean house, happy children, a satisfied wife and a hot meal what makes a woman? Catch my drift? There is no standard of what makes you an independent woman. Your happiness will forever affect your life. So when will you change it? When will you start doing something on your own terms? You are a beautiful woman who deserves to be happy, doing what brings joy to your life. Stress and depression is killing so many women because they are afraid of change. It doesn’t matter how old you are. The ability to change your life does not have an age limit. Be you sweetheart!

The written words of AJT