How Do I Introduce My Child To My New Love?

I notice that parents whom are not with their children’s father/mother hesitate when it comes to dating because they feel it is difficult to convey their situation to a possible mate and more importantly to their children. This is easily understood because when you are a single parent you have to make sure your dating does not negatively affect your family. Still, we make “re-dating” more difficult than it has to be. Approaching dating again should be fun and should not cause anxiety and panic.

A parent’s worse fear when it comes to dating is bringing someone home who his or her children absolutely hate. It makes the single mom/dad feel as if they are torn between the two. I have put together some tips on dating and how to involve your children as well as your children’s father/mother into your decision to introduce them to your new love. When we approach it wrongfully we tend to cause confrontation between the ex and the new lover and a battle between the children and the possible stepparent. Here are ways to avoid that awkwardness.

1.     Resolve any bad blood, past feelings or emotions with your children’s father/mother. Going into dating when you still have feelings or unfinished business with your children’s mother/father will cause turmoil in your family and you are risking the chance of hurting all individuals involved. NEVER open a new door when you have yet to close the last one.

2.     Do not start dating again without giving your children the heads up. We underestimate the mind of children too often. They know more than we think they know. When you hide things from your children they feel insignificant and it makes it difficult for them to trust you. Children do deserve explanations whether you believe so or not. If it is going to affect their lives and if you are planning on bringing someone permanent into their world, you need to sit them down and tell them beforehand that you are beginning to meet new people. Many children hold on to the dream of having their parents reunited and the only way to pull them from that fantasy is to give them an understanding of why their parents are apart and moving forward.

3.     NEVER include your children on your first date. You never want to expose your children to a man/woman until you have decided that the relationship is serious and you want to move towards a more committed union. Of course you want to let your children know you are dating but that does not mean introducing them to every date you have for this will only cause confusion.

4.     Before you introduce your children to your new man/woman you need to talk to your children’s other parent and inform them that you are bringing a new individual into the life of your children. I think one of the biggest issues in the situation is when a single parent adds someone new into their children’s life and the other parent feels blind sighted because they have no idea what kind of person their children are being exposed to. Believe it or not they have a right to know. Introducing your new beau to your children’s father/mother gives them assurance that their children are in good hands. Their approval is very important because when they feel their children’s safety is threatened or when animosity is between your new love and your old love custody battles may arise that can end up battering your children. So be smart about every move you make towards your new relationship.

As a parent you must understand it is not just about you when someone new comes into your life. It will affect your children as well. The adjustment does not have to be a trying one. Lets make it easier on our children by respecting their feelings because all of your choices will affect their lives.

The Written Words Of AJT