Life can be so overwhelming. Many times we find ourselves alone without wanting to be alone; our busy schedules hold us to that loneliness. Whether for you it is working 12 hours a day or being a full time student with a part time job, love sometimes can be drained by those current priorities. A young single mother around my age opened up to me today. She told me that even if she wanted to start dating again there simply weren’t enough hours in the day. I personally believed that there was always time for love but is there? When balancing so much in life whether it is parenting, a job, education or gaining stability, is love ALWAYS an option? Or does love depend on the timing? This blog may be a bit deep and more gearing to open up minds rather than to humor you tonight.
I think it is all about preparation. Prepping yourself to be loved should be a daily endeavor however it should be done without have noticeability that it is being done. What I mean by this is if you wake up in the morning and say, “I am going to yoga to see if that man is there”, you are chasing love. You are not chasing the satisfaction of becoming a better you; instead you are chasing the satisfaction that IF I do this then love will come to my doorstep. We have to prep ourselves for love without even noticing we are prepping ourselves for love. How do you do that? You take daily steps to be a better woman/man so that you can attract a better love. I have constantly gone over the law of attraction in so many of my past blogs because it is such an important aspect towards love to grasp.
*So how does an individual who is struggling in life, stressing and finding themselves depressed able to receive the love of another?
-They can’t.
When you are in that state of darkness the love of another cannot save you the way the love of yourself can.
Again, I used to believe love was the answer to everything and I still do. However I don’t believe that the love of another is the answer; I believe the love you must have for yourself is the answer. Life is not meant to be perfect or easy. You build strong individuals by making them lift heavier bricks; the heavier the brick the more their muscles get used to that weight. They begin to handle that weight with ease and sooner or later the weight is no longer heavy. That’s how life is. Whether you are a single parent, struggling to pay bills, working like a mull or educationally drained you are going through these difficult times now but later you will be stronger because you got through it. Where does love tie into all of this? Simple: this single parent I wrote to today told me she didn’t have time for love and I laughed and said “Girl love will save you and these hard times won’t feel so difficult because you will have love to go home to.” Now it is amazing the knowledge and wisdom you get from an individual who has been through some things. This girl was younger than me but she definitely taught me something when she replied, “The love of a man can’t define my happiness. Me overcoming the struggle will define my happiness. Not the struggle itself but just overcoming it for my child and for me so that we can live a better life and so that I can be a better woman and a better mom. The love of a man will not make me happy while I rage my storm but instead it may add to the weight. I can’t take on more than I can handle. So when I enter the sun I’ll open my heart. But while I fight this battle I have to fight alone and not depend on anyone but the love I have for me and my child.” These are the exact words she wrote me. In that she taught me so much.
I see so many depending on their partners when they are in a tough situation and sometimes we forget that we cannot let another human being fight our battles. If they want to help us, the best way to help us is to allow us to get through it on our own. To learn, to grow, to gain wisdom and to become stronger so that when the same brick is thrown at us we can throw it back because lets face it, not all relationships last and when they end who do you have to fight your battles then? YOURSELF.
In your search for your everlasting love understand that it is a process and that you must wither your circumstance before you decide to bring love into your life. You have to be ready mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Do not be broken and decide to enter into a relationship hoping that from it you will become repaired. Handle your situation first. Do not bring burden and pain into a new relationship. Love is too beautiful to be dismantled by the storm over your head. Clear the storm, clear your tears and then open your heart to love. Because it is only in this order that you will experience the happiness that comes along with it. You cannot be good to someone else until you learn to be good to yourself.
The Written Words of AJT
5 comments:
I am 36 years old and the man I am in love with was sentenced to 22 years but that is what man says but God has the last say so. I find myself at times lonely but I surround myself with people I love and love me. Love is a beautiful thing in life.The main ingredient to his and I relationship that holds us so close is God and respect for each others well being. I have learned over time that you have to love yourself and find security in oneself so that there is no room for ensecurity. He loves what is within you and that is your heart, of how you make him feel even through the storms that may come.If its true love,true love can weather any storm.
The last paragraph you typed really spoke to me because I think that I am kinda going through that except I don't expect love to repair. I tell myself that I am over what happened in the past, but yet I still let the past haunt and get to me from time to time. Distance seems to make it work, but I feel once we get back in the same location I will be back to square room. I will admit since I have been away I have gotten stronger and I have learned to deal with what WILL happen. I just don't want to feel that I am cheating someone else of my time when I keep telling myself I am over the past. So how do you do that? How can you be over someone because of distance and meet someone new that you slightly feeling, but have the fear of reverting back to square 1? I know in my mind I'm over it, but I just don't know. #fightinghard
Ms. AJT, this is the first time I have read your blog, and though you made some very strong points ecspecially the last paragraph I disagree in one area. Me and my ex had a very intresting yet disturbing relationship that left me hurt in the end more than he was. I have found my self time and time again "looking" for love. My ex and I met when I was doing just that and though the relationship had it's obvious downfalls, I was determined to find the good in it. Need less to say the bad caught up with both of us and I'm left picking up the pieces. My only joy out of this entire mess, was not realizing to just love who I am, but to fall in love with who my God is! I've found more joy, comfort, peace, and most of all LOVE inside my Father's arms than I ever have. If this lesson learned relationship taught me any thing it was how to be a better daughter for my Father's kingdom, and be about His buisness. In turn i've learned how to love me and i've been given this "time-out" so I could focus on what really matters and that's the relationship with Him first! The bible says to seek first His kingdom and all His righteousness shall be added to you. I allowed a man's love to over ride God's and that's a no, no when your a child of God. Im sure this blog isn't spiritually based but I did take notice to your comment about being mentally, emotionally, and spiritually ready for a relaionship, but the true success to love is loving the Father first and allowing Him to direct your path! 1 Cor. 13:13 And now abide faith, hope, love these three; but the greatest of these is love.
TINA - I do believe TRUE love withers the storm and that no matter what the situation it will continually persevere. I respect your faith towards your relationship and how you are faithful to what has been brought to you. Love is a gift that not many are able to enjoy yet you have been blessed to do so. 22 Years is not forever. And to enjoy the good sometimes you have to get through the storms first. During this time that your love is away you have the chance to bond more emotionally and mentally and most importantly spiritually. The communication is more verbal than physical which means the talking never stops and you are constantly learning about one another. BOY O BOY when you two are finally together it will be in love's truest most realest form. I know it will work great for you. - AJT
ANNONYMOUS - It seems as if you know it is better for you and your past not to be together so why hold on to that possibility? If you continue to believe in the possibility of rekindling that past love then you will never be able to move on to another. Before you act on a new love make sure you get over your past love. Do not bring an innocent untouched love into your life and then hurt them because you are still yearning for what is in your past. You have to let go of what was in order to enjoy what can be. It does not happen over night but believe me it does happen. Just give it time and you owe it to the new person in your life to tell them the truth and that is that you are not fully ready to commit to another relationship until you have freed yourself from your past. - AJT
JOANNA MARTIN - I have nothing but respect for your response and even more so for your faith. From what I understand you disagree that you must love you first in order to love another because you find that when you did not love yourself you were still able to love God and that is amazing. However the love I prefer to is the intimate connection between you and your man. If you are not secure in yourself you will not be able to give nor receive intimate love from another because you constantly shield your heart by thinking you are not good enough or you don't deserve it and that is where the love of self comes in. And let me tell you that I love the way you restored yourself through faith and belief. that is so powerful and I thank you for sharing your story on my blog and I hope others are able to see it as well and find it to be inspiring and uplifting just as I did. - AJT
All that was read has its valuable points. First I want to say thank you Anne for your feedback on my post. Yes during this time that we are apart but even before he left my spiritual side was already there.(referring to one who commented with the word of God) Truly God has my heart #1 and because God is the head of my life my love one had to come to a place of respecting my value as a women of God because I put no man before God. God is who keeps my mind in perfect peace,and my heart built up that I learn to love those of my past that hurt me, used me, physcially and mentally abused me in before my divorced. I being still young has had my share and maybe still some challenges of relationships but my experience of marriage taught me a lesson. I know what it is to love a man as if he was my God, I did everything that I hoped would please him and I barely made any mistakes, but In the end I found myself trying to please the wrong man and that was my ex-husband. God allowed me to go through a lot and I would not take anything for my journey because I learned to love God more than ever, I learned to trust him in the mist of hurt, and pain, I learned to fight in the spirit realm instead of revenge for its the Lords.To ones who have been hurt, and scorned by bad relationships it is a must to allow God to heal and make you who again. It is nothing like being a women scorned. You will never know the love of who God has for you until you let go and forgive that is the number one step in moving on. I got divorced in 2009 and I thought that while we were seperated I was getting over him and I was ready to move on but I lost something that I had to go back to the enemies camp and take back what the devil stole from me and that was my Joy and peace that only God can give. I earned my joy and worked hard for it that God blessed him with and didn't appreciate it.I really recieved my healing when I could pray for him when he asked me to pray for him in his time of trouble and with a pure heart I did. Now I am able to love again because God has healed my broken heart, and I can recieve love and its for who I am that God has made me.
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