Trying To Be A "Ride Or Die" But Hurting Myself In The Process. Loyalty? Or Stupidity?

What exactly does it mean to be 100% down for your partner? Most would say, “it's about sticking by them no matter what”, “it's about going down with them if need be.” Are we obligated to stand by our partners through absolutely anything even if it is hurting us physically, mentally and emotionally? Should we ever allow someone else’s baggage to become our own circumstance?

The problem is our overly executed habit of rushing into relationships. We rush, we commit and we make promises to our partners without truly understanding who they are. I’m going to have to pick on my ladies because we are too good for falling into a man’s manipulation when it comes to his need of a “down a$$ chick”. Wanting so bad to have a title of such “committable prestige”, we find ourselves allowing our men to get away with continuous disrespect. They manipulate us into believing “they need help”, “they need us”, they “cant live without us” and eventually we place blame upon ourselves for their shortcomings.  When you find yourself exalting more energy into being his “down a$$ chick” than actually loving him, you have come to a point where his baggage has taken priority over your deserved happiness.

Just as women fall into temptation so do men. I find men being manipulated by beauty. A beautiful woman will have a man vulnerable. I have witnessed men put themselves in debt for women who did not care about them. I have seen men disown their family for women who disrespected their family. I have seen men care for a woman before they do their own children. They wanted their lady to know how much she meant, how important she was and how he was going to “ride with her” no matter what or who came into his life. Of course this sounds good. We all want to hear the kind of commitment that is unwavering but at what costs? We lose ourselves when we allow someone to take advantage of our ability to be 100% committed. There are too many people out there confining themselves to self-inflicting relationships because they feel their leaving would show their lack of loyalty. There is a distinct different between loyalty and stupidity.

Before we embark on relationships we should already have an idea of what we can put up with and what is totally unacceptable. We all have thresholds. Some can put up with more than others. The problem is, once we fall in love we make promises that naively erase the promises me made to ourselves before the person came into our life. We must always remember our threshold for love. Love can become dangerous. We rob ourselves when we allow someone to hurt us with their inability to be what we need.

Never allow someone to call you disloyal because his or her baggage is no longer bearable. There is a time when you say “Honey we can get through this together.” But one of the hardest decisions for us to make is to say, “Honey I love you but your issue is hurting me to a point where loving you has become unbearable and I have to think of me right now.” Love does not keep relationships together because not all love is unconditional and that is okay. You will not love every man/woman you date unconditionally. Before you can become a good lover, you must become a good person and understand yourself enough to know what you can take and what you simply cannot.

The Written Words of AJT