"Yes, Your Partner is Amazing but Do Not Forget They Are Still HUMAN"

When embarking on a new relationship we place our partners on an elevated pedestal especially when we talk to others about the one we love. We boast that they can never and will never do any wrong. While doing this we allow our minds to be constantly tricked. Our words become thoughts and we immediately envision our partner on a throne unable to make the simplest mistakes and believe it or not most relationships FAIL because of this small yet colossal misconception.

When we place our loves too elevated on the totem pole we rid our minds of their flaws and shortcomings. It is essential to remember that your loved one is human and that they will make mistakes whether big or small. You will never find a perfect man or woman when it comes to love because our minds and expectations or so diverse that we are destined to do wrong in the eyes of our lovers. But this is okay; this is how we learn of the expectancies, needs and wants of our partner.

If you continue to falsely convince yourself that your partner does no wrong, then when they do make a mistake (and believe me they WILL make a mistake) you will be so surprised and taken away by their actions that you will emotionally and mentally break down. It will be such a shock to the mind and heart that you will more than likely feel the relationship cannot go on.

The surprise we get is heartbreaking when someone we thought so highly of breaks our personal judgment. It becomes difficult to look at them in the monumental light we did before.  We become constantly stressed about their whereabouts, doings and ultimately question the success of the relationship. We were so fixated on their perfections that we overlooked the FACT that they carry flaws just like any other individual.

Yes your man is amazing but he is still a MAN. Do not be surprised when he just wants to sit in front the T.V, hang out with the guys, chill without being bothered or doesn’t want to constantly be under you. These are not stereotypes but these are the commonly known characteristics of a MAN. No, your man is not like any other man. He is unique otherwise you would not love him as much as you do; however, understand that he is not flawless and if you plan on building a secure, loving relationship with him you have to accept his flaws just like you accepted the perfections.

Embrace the shortcomings of your love because we all have them including YOU. You will never be with someone who does everything to your liking. Love is about perfectly loving your lover’s imperfections.

As you constantly convince yourself that your man/woman is above all you are deceiving your mind and leading it down instability emotionally and mentally. It is amazing to have high hopes and admiration towards your partner and it is very much needed. You are suppose to have this kind of confidence with the being you’re choosing to share your love with but you have to make sure you have REALISTIC comprehensions.

Do not trick yourself into an unfortunate relationship. At the same time keep your high thoughts of your partner ALWAYS but when she forgets to clean her hair out the sink, when he forgets his ring, when she overcooks your meal, when he misses your call because the T.V was too loud REMEMBER they are HUMAN. And it should not make you love them any less. Accept it, forgive them (because that is what a REAL love does), love them and be REALISTIC about your perfectly flawed, unique lover.

The Written Words of AJT

"Don't Plan On Giving Up The Goods? Then Quit Your Teasing!"

Playing “hard to get” has been proven to turn most men on – This is true. Unless a man is in search of an easy fix towards his sexual desires, playing hard to get is a sure way of making him want a woman more as the chase creates intense attraction opposed to when a woman opens her legs on the first encounter. Agreed?

Essentially there is nothing wrong with a little chase ladies. What causes my uneasiness is when women make a man chase what they have no intentions of giving up. Playing hard to get and intentionally TEASING a man are two different things. If you don’t plan on giving up the goods, don’t send signals as though you are ready to be sexually open with him.

What kind of signals am I referring to? Well in this fast growing technological world of ours it includes texting, social network messages, photos and video chats. Do not text a man telling him what you cannot wait to do to him when you really have no intentions of having a sexual relationship with him any time soon or in the near future. Please do not seem surprised by my words because as women we have all done it; we have acted as though we were up for more than we could handle. Be real about your sexuality and your expectations of the relationship. As women we partake in this popular action because we presume we are holding the man on a tighter leash by teasing him of what he can be getting. However when he finds out you are composed of talk held by no action he will be second-guessing a reason to trust you. Be real with him. If he is truly into forming a relationship with you it will be no issue for him to keep it in his pants for a little while longer.

Your appearance does signify your intentions. Let me repeat this YOUR APPEARANCE DOES SIGNIFY YOUR INTENTIONS. A scenario to support this fact: It is the first date and you decide to wear a tight fitted, close to the buttocks, cleavage showing dress. You cannot possibly believe a man will not assume you are asking for more than dinner and drinks? That dress is screaming, “TAKE ME OFF.” If you plan on being sexually conserved then your appearance should be sexually conserved.

And what leaves me perplexed is that many of you look puzzled when a man “tries” after you have worn such a get up on an evening out. Do not be surprised! What you look like, your demeanor and the actions you put off do reflect the way a man will treat you.  So if you are looking for a casual conversation opposed to what’s hanging in his pants then show him that and not your backside. It is possible to look beautiful, classy and sexy all at the same time without passing false messages that you want sexual desires met.

Ladies, we are perfectly aware of what we are doing - we know what we are asking for when we reach in the back of our closet for our freakum dress. It’s time we quit teasing our men because it does not turn them on but makes us look like a jar full of games. If you want sex TELL HIM. If you don’t want sex then don’t pretend or put on a show like you do. Men love a REAL woman so be one.

The Written Words of AJT

Men Are Hard of Hearing? Not So Much Ladies!

Women have 101 reasons and complaints about their mens' “easily distracted” trait however I cannot completely side with women on this one. Why? Because men DO listen. The reason we think they do not listen is because their body language reads, “I don’t care” when we constantly convey senseless, unimportant, repetitive subjects. These things will turn a man off because he may think you are insulting his intelligence or constantly complaining. Hence his reasoning for labeling you a “nagger”

As women we are too often in the habit of presuming our men are aware of our expectations. Bottom line is until you voice your concerns, expectancies and positions on the subjects your man will not know what you want of him. This is where so many of us automatically label our men as incompetent when really it is a lack of communication on our part.

I am not saying men ALWAYS listen but in my experience as well as watching, listening and gaining an understanding from the men who read my blog; they focus on listening to the things that matter. If you are coming home daily venting about your girlfriends’ business, why your boss “does not like you” or stressing your man about finances, bills, childcare etc. there are two reasons why you lose his attention.

1. Girlfriend talk is for your "GIRLFRIENDS". Many of us women are fortunate enough to have boyfriends/husbands who we can call our best friends however that does not mean we should place them in the “girlfriend” category and talk to them about subjects and topics that men rarely care about. A man loves a woman who can hold a deep, meaningful conversation because it takes him back to why he fell in love with her in the first place. Whether it is her humor, her intelligence or her interest for what he has to say, when giving him a meaningful conversation she raises the bar and his attention span!

2. Men (who know and uphold the persona of king of the jungle in the household - SN: These are the men I love and adore) already know the financial issues concerning the relationship and the family. They do not need their woman to come home nagging them about business that is, more than likely, already stressing them out. Men want to be the provider and sometimes life gets tough to where it begins to take a personal tool on his pride. As his woman you need to be encouraging him of better days not nagging him because you cannot buy a new dress, get your nails done or get that expensive hair do that you have been dying to try. Let your man be the man! Do not worry him about household issues that he already has a handle over. If you want to make innovating suggestions do it in a more conserved tone without rhetorical questions and a smart mouth. Your attitude and repetitive questioning does not make him feel good but instead turns him off of the conversation causing him to tune you out completely.

We do not give men enough credit. We hold high expectations of our men without ever taking into consideration the expectations that they hold towards us as women. Enlighten your man with a meaningful, profound conversation instead of bitterness, nagging and frustration. If you want him to listen give him something to listen to. When someone is disinterested it will be hard for him or her to stay focused on what you have to say. This is not just men this is the human race. Will everyone you meet be interested in EVERYTHING you have to say? No. So why do you expect your man to be? Ladies, we have to be realistic. Understand what we are asking of our men and make it achievable for them to provide it.

The Written Words Of AJT

"AM I FIT TO LOVE?"

What is The Simplicity of Love about? It’s about opening our hearts, minds and spirits to the possibilities of love. Please note that there is great emphasis on the word “possibility”. Love is achievable for everyone however just like any great endeavor it comes when we are ready, FULLY READY to embark on its great journey. It is up to us to figure out when we are ready for love. Below I have simply listed 5 of the most important aspects of being ready for love. Once you have finished reading them take a second and think to yourself; “Am I ready to be loved, am I ready to give love, am I ready to cherish love?”

1. When you look in the mirror what do you see?
* Believe it or not, but many of us do not know who we see when we look in the mirror. This just means we have yet to find our purpose, our meaning, and our reason for living. We all go through this stage in life where we stumble upon questions pertaining to our inner being. Let me ask you, if you do not know who you are or who you hope to become, how can someone fall in love with you; most imperatively how can you love another? Your confusion will attract another confused soul. Your lack of personal understanding will attract another individual who lacks personal understanding. Get my drift? Know you first, love who you are and who you hope to become THEN you can love another. Know the reflection beyond the reflection.

2. What is a “non-negotiable”?
* This is very important because it keeps you from settling. A “non-negotiable” is anything about a person that you will not settle for what so ever. An example; Maybe you are a spiritual person and you hope to find someone with a similar belief system as you. It can be very hard for an atheist and a Catholic (for example) to become one therefore many find conflicting beliefs to be a non-negotiable. If you are an extremely sexual person a non-negotiable would be dating someone who is too conservative to your liking in bed. Please keep in mind this does not make you shallow or superficial for having non-negotiables. You have to be happy in your relationship and that means dating someone who is pleasing to you and your lifestyle choices. You have to know what you want before you jump the gun.

3. What are you thinking?
* Your thoughts will be the death of you. Are you on a positive track or are you sinking in negativity? Clean up your mind because no one likes a negative Nancy. When a negative person embarks in a relationship it has a very slim chance of survival. Why? Because with that negative seed comes negative plants. That negative thinking will lead to envy, jealousy, hate, low self esteem and depression because a negative person is never satisfied with themselves and therefore is never satisfied with their partner. You want to be ready for love? Begin with planting positivity within your mind. There is so much beauty in someone who sees the light in the darkness. The more you shower that planted seed with light the greater the chance you have at attracting an even brighter soul. Law of attraction – You have to love it!

4. Know your situation and bask in it!
* I have heard so many single mothers complain about how men do not look at them twice. → This is a false statement. Whatever your situation is do not use it as a crutch. Embrace your kids. Men love a woman who does not try to hide their lives from them. You may think being a single mom turns men away but there are many men who will embrace ALL of you. Love means loving the whole person, their life and their situations. Keep a picture of your children in your wallet on that first date. Do not begin something with lies. Your children are precious and are a blessing and should not be hidden. A real man does not hold you liable because you have children. He respects your independence and motherly/fatherly role that so many of you are playing. So do not be ashamed of your situation but be honest with yourself and embrace it!

5. Timelines are irrelevant!
* I can care less if you expected to be married by the age of 30. I say this with much respect but the truth is timelines are on the list of factors that leave us lonely. They either lead us to giving up or they lead us to settling. I will briefly explain- Say you are now 29 years old and expected to be married by 30, in order to reach that timeline in your mind you are going to settle for the next man that comes around that corner and says your hair looks nice. This is not me judging you this is in fact your mentality effecting your actions. You have to let go of your timeline and remember “whatever happens, happens”. Before you settle down with someone you have to let go of your life’s relationship schedule because if it is one thing that is so unexpected in life it is love. Love does not have a cut off age. Live your life, perfect you! Do not allow your friends to constantly remind you of your biological clock. Rushed love is never a successful love. Take your time, enjoy yourself and when you get yourself together love will find you. → I am not preaching an illusion. Until you are 100% your love life will never reach its full potential.

I hope you take these 5 aspects into consideration. Of course these are not the ONLY aspects of being ready to love however in my book they are the most important. Love is not something you jump into. People become heartbroken because they were never ready to be in love and most importantly they were never ready to love another. Now is the time to polish your flaws, accept your life and know who you are. Time for you to get ready for LOVE!

The written words of AJT.

There Is NO LOVE in Your Mr. Wrong

Ladies, why do you find comfort in the love you give to your Mr. Wrong? When Mary J. Blige’s song hit the scene I remember a flow of Facebook statuses quoting her song lyrics. Am I blowing this out of proportion or is it taken too lightly how easily women fall into the realm of giving their unconditional love to Mr. Wrongs instead of Mr. Rights?

If you have given him the title “Mr. Wrong” then that proves to me that you know you are settling for less, you know you are being mistreated but you are held down by this evident circumstance. There is no reason why you should relish in your pain. Why do you not want more for yourself? For your heart? Why not have a sense of respect for your one of a kind love that you can be giving to a man willing to return that and so much more?

Do not allow a song to nail your feet to the ground in a relationship that has no chance of progression. And please refrain from telling me that even though your Mr. Wrong treats you so bad you find happiness and satisfaction in the “relationship” (notice how I quote relationship) Newsflash: you are not happy at all instead you have become content in your means of settling. Your emotions are used to the pain so the overall reaction of it no longer exists. Your expectations are low for your Mr. Wrong so every time he screws up you are less surprised for you expect nothing more of him. This is not the ingredient or factor of happiness it only shows that you have been putting up with bad for so long that your mind and emotions have become accustomed to the maltreatment. You trick yourself into believing that it is happiness when really it is self-infliction. Infliction that you have limited yourself to. You are where you are in your love life, attracting who you are attracting because of what you allow yourself to put up with.

Admitting that your man is Mr. Wrong and still being in the relationship does not show loyalty to your man or yourself instead it shows how cowardly you really are. It shows how little security you have within yourself. It is a pure reflection of your self-esteem (or lack of) and of what you believe you deserve or should I say: What you believe you DO NOT deserve. Break free from this crippling mentality because if you don’t you will have a long record of Mr. Wrongs and a non-existent record of Mr. Rights.

Do you know what happens when you spend all of your time and your love on the wrong man? Not only do you impede yourself from ever being with the right man but you also turn the right man the other way. When a man sees a woman putting up with less of what she deserves many will not try and rescue her from it. Men are becoming tired of the stereotypical mad, bitter, sad, un-confident woman. They do not want to build a woman; they want a woman who has already created herself. This foundation is to include her confidence, self-respect, ambition and worth. Men do not want to take on a project when searching for the right woman. Most rather find the right woman when they know they have become the right man.

In order to find your self-foundation, reach personal heights and gain your self-respect back you need to let go of the liabilities. And the number one liability that is holding you back is your Mr. Wrong. You have already admitted how insignificant and unworthy he is of your love by the title you have bestowed upon him, however a profounder change is needed. You must burn the ties you have to this man and give yourself a chance at more.

Please delete Mary J Blige’s song “Mr. Wrong” from your playlist. As a matter of fact erase it from your iTunes library and gain a sense of consciousness to what the song is doing to your love life. Yes music has the tendency to lead us down unsuccessful paths. Break free from the illusion of words in music and pay attention to reality. Reality is that no woman should take pride in Mr. Wrong. We should be perfecting ourselves in hopes of attracting Mr. Right.

The Written Words Of AJT

How Important Is It That You And Your Partner Want Similar Life Goals? VERY!

We are all on differentiated levels in life. Our minds reside in diverse heights of open mindedness, understanding and awareness. This effects whom we love, how we love them and if the love is everlasting. One of the more imperative aspects of finding the right partner is making sure their goals are in alignment or coincide to your own. They do not have to have the same exact personal/professional ambitions as you however; they have to be headed in the same direction. Why? Because if two people are not on the same balance in life when it comes to the goals set and personal growth pursued then the relationship will never progress because someone will be either left behind or unwillingly dragged along.

A closed minded individual cannot and will not maintain a successful relationship with an open minded individual. Someone who lives for the day cannot and will not maintain a successful relationship with someone who plans, distinguishes and knows exactly where they want to be next week. Many of you will argue with me and say, “opposites attract”. Truth is this theory does not work for the full spectra of choosing a mate. Personalities can be different, style may be different but when it comes to the course of life, movement and growth, both parties have to be headed in the same direction focused on the same outcome. In order to keep the love on neutral ground both parties need to know what they want in life and how they are going to go about retrieving it. How can someone more interested in their profession and less interested in children hold a successful relationship with someone who dreams of having a family? Wouldn’t work.

I notice too occasionally that individuals embark in relationships without giving any thought into the person they are with. You may have a physical attraction to your partner NOW, you may admire their occupation NOW but you have to dig deeper when searching for life companionship; just because they have a good steady job NOW does not mean it is the job they want for the rest of their lives. Find out the dreams and hopes of your partner and make sure you can willingly accept those dreams. The both of you need to understand each other on a more personal level. You need to learn your partners’ position when it comes to having a family, professional development and personal progress. So many get married, find that their future is aligning just the way they pictured it BUT their partner has different ambitions that are pulling them both in separate directions.

We often analyze the life that someone is currently living and we base our love on that alone. You cannot just be in love with someone for who they are now. You have to know that you are going to love them even if what they are doing currently is not what they want to be doing in the long run. It may sound a bit cliché but you would be surprised at how many individuals find out later in the relationship, after vows, promises and devotions have been made, that their partner (for example) wants to quit the firm and open a new business from scratch. It is not until this change of life direction do we realize that we may not be strong enough or able to love them for whom they are trying to become.

****You have to love who they are NOW but you also have to love who they want to become***

The direction in which you are traveling in your life you do not want to be halted because your partner’s life plan is either less or more differentiated. Both of you should have similar goals in mind so you can travel the road together, help one another and reach those heights collectively. Studies show that relationships working together, trying to reach a common goal have a greater chance of surviving compared to a couple where both parties live mentally separated, traveling different life paths. Defuse the surprises and learn upfront what your partner is about now and who they hope to be later on. Make sure that the person you love now you will love them no matter what route in life they choose to take. Support is crucial to a relationship’s triumph because it is where we really show our admiration, hope and faith in our partners. You cannot just support them when you feel like it – love entails support throughout. If you cannot accept their dreams, their beliefs or their directions in life then you need to leave their path and find someone who can travel yours in hopes of reaching a similar destination.

The Written words of AJT

Who Cares What They Think. Let Them Talk!

For some strange reason many of us believe we can pick and choose whom we love. Our hearts bear no care for our physical resistance towards the person we really love. I have known many who rather be alone and sad than be with the person they truly love because they were embarrassed to love them. Love is not an embarrassment and if they are good to you, if you know their heart and their love’s intentions towards you then you need to embrace and cherish it because many never come in contact with this kind of affection in this lifetime. We worry so much about the judgments of others that we would jeopardize our happiness so others would not talk about or dislike us. Who cares! Your happiness is more important than the ignorance of others or their simple-mindedness. Be bold and stop living by what others want for you and live for what you want for you.

I know many of us hide love because we feel if we expose it, it will be hindered. However if love was meant to be in the shadows how would we ever know what real love is? This does not mean you release all of your business. What I am saying is that your happiness deserves to be known and acknowledged. If not by others then by you. People notice when you have a glow, they notice when you are happy and when you hide it you are only feeding into the “talkers”. Why have something to hide if you do not care about what others have to say? When I found love…I mean REALLY found love I was so over joyed and I thought I had to hide it because I was worried about what others would think. I had just gotten out of one relationship and now I was in another. I thought people would see me as desperate and confused even though I knew that what I had was exactly what I wanted and deserved. I had come in contact with real happiness but was too afraid to speak of it or show it because I was too fixated on the judgments of others. How horrible is that? Having to hide your happiness because you are afraid of judgmental people? People are going to talk anyway so why not just be you without worrying about who says what?

Whether we take our partners back for a mistake they made or whether we break up with someone because we are no longer interested- people are going to pass judgment and talk. (Even though they have no idea what has went on behind closed doors between you and your significant other.) The unknown feeds into their gossip and they come up with their own assumptions. I was a victim of caring about the thoughts of others but the truth is NO ONE KNOWS WHO YOU ARE and it doesn’t matter. Pursue your happiness with your wants and needs in mind. Even if the crowd is fixated upon your choice you should never hold shame.

I don’t believe in hidden love. And I also do not believe in allowing one's business to soar the cities. There is a great balance between hiding due to embarrassment or shame and hiding because your love is your love. The kind of hidden I refer to in this blog is being afraid to answer honestly when someone asks about your happiness. Date who you want to date and love who you love because when you look into the eyes of your partner no one else should be relevant.

The written words of AJT