"Sweeping Out Skeletons, Cleaning Up For Love!"

When can we differentiate a well-kept secret and a secret that just has to be told? Does the seriousness of secrets come in different levels? When in committed relationships what kind of secret is just too important to hold from our significant others?

Our pasts are full of details regarding what we have done, whom we have been with and the activities that we were involved in. Most of these details we are hesitant in sharing with someone we plan on spending a lifetime with because of the risks involved. We do not keep these secrets to harm the one we love but we see it as “what happened in the past, who I was in the past and what I did then has nothing to do with who I am now and how I am loving you.” That is a true statement. As we grow, we change and subconsciously we tend to forget who we were then because our mindsets changed as well. However, are we not suppose to be honest with our loved one? It is natural to want to know everything about the person we love. We are in love with the person they are now but knowing their childhood, their family, the place they grew up, how they grew up and those fun, mysterious stories that we all have, makes that love stronger because we feel more connected to their life. Not just the present but also the past.

Still, I can understand when individuals feel the need to hide certain aspects of their life. Let’s not play as if we do not have skeletons in the closet. We all have embarrassing actions or moments that we never want to re live, and talking about it may simply bring back too many memories. Therefore we bottle it up and forget about it and NEVER tell our significant others. But, in love, when you find someone who you plan on spending your life with why wouldn’t you want to relieve yourself of those skeletons. Get them out of the closet! If you know the individual you are in love with, which you should, then telling those things about the past that you have been holding in for so long may be a great way to vent as well as a great way to find out if the love is real. There are many individuals who cannot handle a secret. Opening up to them about your past can backfire on you because they may feel that your past actions are too much to handle. Unfortunately, it may blur their perspective of you. But let me ask this: if they love you NOW, if they TRULY love you, will they judge you because you had so many sex partners BACK THEN, or that you experimented a little BACK THEN, or that you used to live a “hard to approve” lifestyle BACK THEN? If they judge the love they have for you off your actions and life before you met them that only shows their dishonesty towards loving you. You cannot fault a person for a past but you should love and admire them more for getting through it, getting over it, and growing from it.

Some pasts hold darker secrets. These secrets were more hurtful towards us, our lives and the way we live. I know that they are masked for reasons that we feel no one can understand. The trials we endure in life can be so over bearing that those secrets are unable to leave our tongues. But there are ways that keeping secrets can hold you back from giving someone you love all the love that they deserve. Without realizing it, we can be blaming our partners for the pain we endured in the past. We may not scream and yell and tell them “it’s all your fault!” but through our actions we are penalizing them. They do not know why you will not open up to them. They do not know why you are so afraid to say, “I love you”. They do not know why you are so afraid to share intimacy with them. They do not know why you hesitate on certain actions or why you rather not be seen at certain places. All of the reasons involved in our actions mostly form from a past experience. If you plan on spending your life with this individual don’t they deserve an explanation for not getting the love and full honestly from someone they plan on spending life with?

There is selfishness in holding secrets because half the time we do not notice the skeletons that hold us back from real love and pure satisfaction. We deprive our significant other of feeling all of our love because our past is trapping us. Secrets are holding us back. And if you love that individual you will not want secrets between you two and feeling that guilt can break you down inside.

Not until you are sure of the love you share with someone should you release these well kept secrets. Be sure that they are worth knowing what is it is you need to tell them. Be positive that the love is worth the release of those skeletons. One thing I can guarantee- once you open up to someone you love you will not feel that guilt, that pain or that hurt anymore because if it is real love you will feel a sense of comfort, joy and happiness. That joy and happiness comes from knowing that someone loves you despite who you were, what you have done, and what you have gone through. And if you are really lucky, they will love you more because you trusted them enough to share something so precious with them.

- Written Words Of AJT