"When Expectations Are Hard to Fill"

In relationships we often find that our partners expect more from us. Whether it is physical, emotional, mental or sexual, our partners sometimes want us to try new things, get better, or be precisely the way they want us to be. However, we run into issues when it comes to expectations because if it is asking our partner to lose weight, try a new sexual position, get a job, go to school, stop smoking/drinking, then in reality we are asking our partner to change. Change is not easy and when that change does not come in the time expected your partner then feels as if effort is not being made, or that the lack of change is holding them back from truly giving you their all. Maybe we do not want to change because we do not see any issues within ourselves. So what do you do now? What do you do when you partner wants you to change an aspect of yourself that you love?

Before I can jump into the solution of this very popular issue, I would have to bring another important factor into it first. ---THERE IS NO SOLUTION. The truth of the matter is that the deeper your feelings grow for your partner the more you want to change and be better in order to fulfill the needs of the relationship. Most of the time we do not realize that we are changing because we learn the likes and dislikes of our partners therefore changing to fit those qualities becomes natural. When we grow deep feelings for another, whether it is love or a strong like, we do not stay the same. As your feelings grow your daily habits become different. Men tend to stay home on Friday nights verses going out to the club with their boys. Women tend to carry themselves differently in the way they dress, speak, and socialize. Through her actions she shows respect for her relationship that, of course, she would not show if she were single.

There are going to be personal changes when involved in a committed relationship because there are going to be certain qualities that hurt your partner or that pulls them away from loving you completely. Maybe you are an indecisive individual. That is a trait that may scare your partner because when making important choices on your relationship, you may be known to change your mind in a week or a day. That causes uncertainty to them to trust your decision-making. How about having too many phone contacts of the opposite sex? Many believe this comes into the trust issue but really it lies heavenly in the respect category. Respect your relationship and the feelings of your partner and delete those contacts! Is it worth losing your relationship over? If so why are you in it? The little that you take away from yourself, the more you gain in becoming one with your partner. The change comes from you both. He shaves off a little and she shaves off a little. Soon you become one fit that could not have been formed without those necessary personal changes.

If it is not your ultimate goal to become one with your partner when you are in a committed relationship then you are wasting your time. If you have to second guess changing for the growth of the relationship then the relationship does not mean as much to you as you may think. Your actions speak louder than your words and by turning down necessary changes in yourself to better your relationship it shows your partner that you are not ready for the commitment. This is the downfall of many relationships today. The level of commitment has to be equal. One person trying in a relationship is not enough. It takes two. We must stop seeing change in a negative light for it is impossible to avoid it when being in a relationship. We have to let go of selfishness and let our love shine through our actions and growth. Change can be many things but when you love someone and you two are building, it becomes a beautiful thing.

Written Words of AJT