"Ladies, Stop Fronting! You Want It Just As Bad As He Does!"

Many times I hear so many women call men “sex craving” animals well ladies what are we?

Now ladies, you can read this sitting high and mighty as you pretend that us women do not want it as bad as men do but the truth is…

IF WE DON’T WANT IT AS MUCH…WELL THEN WE WANT IT MORE!

(Hey, I have to be completely honest here right?)

Sometimes as women we allow our classiness to take away from our sexuality. We believe that we have to stay classy and sophisticated therefore we hide our sexual urge. However as ladies we need to understand when it is appropriate to hide it and when we need to reveal it. I do not suggest that we prowl the streets in search of a man to bring into our sheets NOW THAT IS FAR FROM WHAT I AM SAYING. What I am saying is we too often expect our man to pursue us in bed: well there is nothing wrong with taking charge and feeding our urge by pursing our men in bed. Showing him how bad you want it is not a turn off to any man. It is no hidden secret that a man loves his lady to be sweet, kind and classy in the streets but open to anything in the sheets. So ladies when you find yourself in your territory (you and/or your man’s home) show him how sexual you really are. Do not be so confined to stay within the lines. Give him something he can feel!! Wake up the next morning, get yourself together and head back to your business. CLASSY by day SASSY by night. =) And men think we do not have the same intensifying sexual urge? YEAH RIGHT!

Why are women probably more sexually needy than men? Just think- when men crave sexual satisfaction they call some girl they have in their phone as a sexual “just in case”. Men are not picky when they need something quick. A woman is totally different and that is why our urge is so much more robust. We will not just call anyone for a fix. We want the best! We want someone who is going to do what they been called to do and sometimes a woman has not come in contact with that toe curling man yet in her life…so she goes without. This automatically intensifies our sexual frustration. So why are women more sexually needy than men? WE HOLD OUT due to our standards MORE than men do.

I am positive that many of my ladies are going to bed gripping pillows between their legs because the urge is strengthening on a daily basis and they REFUSE to call someone who is mediocre in bed. Besides there is always Mr. Vib-Reliable. Women rather take out their batteries than go out to the club and bring a stranger in between their sheets. (I hope LOL)

So the truth is WE WOMAN WANT IT TOO! We may be a little more secretive and a bit PICKY when it comes to expressing those needs but trust me we want it just as much as you men crave it. While you men think you are the only ones looking at us women with sex craving eyes ummm we are looking at you too!

- The Written Words of AJT

"Stop Being Foolish. Close Your Heart for a Second and Open YOUR EYES!"

Does it really take one to know one?

When it comes to relationships, or the lack of stability in a relationship, does it take a cheater to spot a cheater? Does it not seem as though the naïve ones are the ones who are predominantly good, loving, caring and faithful to their partners? Are the only ones capable of knowing when their spouse/lover/partner is cheating are the ones who have found themselves caught in the act in the past? I wonder, because I see so many of the sweet, kind, “I will never cheat on my love” partners getting themselves in situations where the proof is starring them straight in the face but because of their lack of experience towards the matter they blame it on their “insecurities” while they continually are deceived. But then you have the “ex-players” who know the game so well that if their partner forgets to put on a sock they are calling them out on mistrust. So I ask again: does it take one to know one? Can you spot a cheater when you yourself have never experienced the act of cheating or the act of being cheated on? Is this the reason for the naivety?

You want to know why the non-cheater is likely to put up with the cheater’s excuses? Because they do not know how to tell the difference between someone lying to their face, and someone actually meaning they will do better. Now put an ex cheater in the same position and they have a keen sense towards the game therefore the excuses, lies and “baby please I’m sorry” won’t go too far with them.

I wrote this blog because many of you are living in this naïve state of mind. This does not only come into play towards unfaithfulness but also trust. You can definitely correlate your inexperience of being cheating on to being inexperienced towards relationships. I find that there is a trend in my naïve beings: None of them have ever held a steady, real, true relationship therefore when they finally get into one they become TOO submissive- meaning anything and everything their partner says or does is on the realm of gold. They believe their partners to do no wrong, say no wrong and mean no harm. So in a situation where they feel the trust is being tested they will mentally runaway from it and label it as “insecurity” on their part. What is that doing?

THE NUMBER ONE ACTION OF A NAÏVE INDIVIDUAL IS THEIR CONSTANT NEED TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR THEIR FOUL LOVER.

The excuses include but are not limited to -----
“They were having a rough time and I wasn’t there”
“They didn’t come onto the person the person came on to them”
“They said they were sorry and they meant it”
**Or the big one…
“Maybe if I had…”

Quit blaming yourself for someone else’s shortcomings!

So to my naïve souls who continuously get cheated on, forgive and find themselves being played for a fool ONCE AGAIN!! Here are my tips for you:

1. If it happened once and you choose to forgive. Okay fine. If it happens twice and you choose to forgive…Umm okay…BUT If it happens again!!! And you choose to forgive guess what NAIVEEEEEE! STOP. THINK AND LEAVE!
2. If they continue to disrespect you and ignore your feelings of being belittled on a continual basis then guess what? They are taking advantage of you and they do not care about your feelings. STOP. THINK AND LEAVE.
3. If you are tired of hearing “sorry” after every infidelity, after every harsh word and after every time you catch them in the act of their lies and games well guess what. STOP THINK AND LEAVE.

I have said this time and time again – a person will only do what you allow them to do so if you find yourself constantly being deceived well guess what STOP, LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SAY THANKYOU because the hard truth is you have no one to blame but yourself. You kept yourself in the situation so long that your partner felt that what they were doing to you was fine because you would never have the will or intentions to leave no matter how much they disrespected you.

Well it’s time to start a new trend. PACK A BAG and see what it does to them then. Better yet PACK A BAG AND LEAVE! And do not come back. Let them know you mean business and when I say don’t go back I MEAN DON’T GO BACK. Because if they thought so low of you before then they obviously did not know your worth and therefore are not deserving of the love you have to give.

So let go of naivety and foolishness and remember – they fool you once shame on them, they fool you twice shame on YOU!

The written words of AJT

"YOU GOT A BIG EGO AND SERIOUSLY- it's TOO big!"

Confidence is an attractive characteristic as well as a crucial trait for love’s success. BUT there is such a thing of having too much confidence and as the saying goes, “too much of anything isn’t always good for you”.

With confidence come standards. Those with a good level of confidence know their worth and know what not to settle for. But then you have those individuals whose confidence is so robust that they believe finding someone to fulfill their ideal standard is a one in a million chance. They do not believe this from a lack of confidence instead it comes from their overly vigorous amount of confidence. Individuals like these find themselves to be so irresistible and they find it easier to settle for a plethora of “friends with benefits” rather than settling down because they cannot find someone worthy enough to settle down with. I call this over confidence the trait of an EGOMATIC!! If you find that I just described you perfectly please do not be offended by this blog but I’m about to wake you up and bring your almighty, god’s gift to earth ego a little below the clouds its been flying so highly upon.

I believe that no one in this world is good enough to say, “I am too good to date you.” And when we come up with these impracticable standards we increase the chances of never having the opportunity at real love. There are some standards that are not only unrealistic but they are ignorant. When I meet people I always ask them questions, when appropriate, about their feelings towards love and relationships because it is a helpful insight for my blog. Recently I came across someone who felt finding a woman within his standards was almost impossible. He had the skin complexion, income, family affairs, abilities and height and weight of the woman he would be with down to a size and he would not lower any of these standards. He felt that he was supposed to think this highly of himself and he deserved more than just good enough. Okay that I can understand and to some extent I can appreciate his confidence. However sometimes we get so hooked on the physical and financial standards of a mate that we overlook the important traits. Call me cliché but she can be the most beautiful, richest, successful woman in the world but if she has a superficial attitude and a mouth of a sailor how do you expect to take her home to mom?

An “egomatic” individual will think they are too good for nearly every individual in this world, however they fail to realize that the over confidence they believe makes them attractive can actually turn many individuals off. Who wants to be with someone who compliments themselves more than their partner? Who wants to be with someone who is so superficial they cannot put another’s feelings, thoughts and emotions before their own? How is someone of that stature able to love another?

So for my overly confident folks please realize that your confidence is appreciated however don’t let it deter your chances of having a successful relationship. Come to grips with the idea that it is not all about you. Thinking of yourself as superior to those around you can lead others to find it hard to love you. A bit of humility wouldn’t hurt.

The written words of AJT

"How Can You Enjoy Love In The Midst Of A Storm?"

Life can be so overwhelming. Many times we find ourselves alone without wanting to be alone; our busy schedules hold us to that loneliness. Whether for you it is working 12 hours a day or being a full time student with a part time job, love sometimes can be drained by those current priorities. A young single mother around my age opened up to me today. She told me that even if she wanted to start dating again there simply weren’t enough hours in the day. I personally believed that there was always time for love but is there? When balancing so much in life whether it is parenting, a job, education or gaining stability, is love ALWAYS an option? Or does love depend on the timing? This blog may be a bit deep and more gearing to open up minds rather than to humor you tonight.

I think it is all about preparation. Prepping yourself to be loved should be a daily endeavor however it should be done without have noticeability that it is being done. What I mean by this is if you wake up in the morning and say, “I am going to yoga to see if that man is there”, you are chasing love. You are not chasing the satisfaction of becoming a better you; instead you are chasing the satisfaction that IF I do this then love will come to my doorstep. We have to prep ourselves for love without even noticing we are prepping ourselves for love. How do you do that? You take daily steps to be a better woman/man so that you can attract a better love. I have constantly gone over the law of attraction in so many of my past blogs because it is such an important aspect towards love to grasp.

*So how does an individual who is struggling in life, stressing and finding themselves depressed able to receive the love of another?
-They can’t.
When you are in that state of darkness the love of another cannot save you the way the love of yourself can.

Again, I used to believe love was the answer to everything and I still do. However I don’t believe that the love of another is the answer; I believe the love you must have for yourself is the answer. Life is not meant to be perfect or easy. You build strong individuals by making them lift heavier bricks; the heavier the brick the more their muscles get used to that weight. They begin to handle that weight with ease and sooner or later the weight is no longer heavy. That’s how life is. Whether you are a single parent, struggling to pay bills, working like a mull or educationally drained you are going through these difficult times now but later you will be stronger because you got through it. Where does love tie into all of this? Simple: this single parent I wrote to today told me she didn’t have time for love and I laughed and said “Girl love will save you and these hard times won’t feel so difficult because you will have love to go home to.” Now it is amazing the knowledge and wisdom you get from an individual who has been through some things. This girl was younger than me but she definitely taught me something when she replied, “The love of a man can’t define my happiness. Me overcoming the struggle will define my happiness. Not the struggle itself but just overcoming it for my child and for me so that we can live a better life and so that I can be a better woman and a better mom. The love of a man will not make me happy while I rage my storm but instead it may add to the weight. I can’t take on more than I can handle. So when I enter the sun I’ll open my heart. But while I fight this battle I have to fight alone and not depend on anyone but the love I have for me and my child.” These are the exact words she wrote me. In that she taught me so much.

I see so many depending on their partners when they are in a tough situation and sometimes we forget that we cannot let another human being fight our battles. If they want to help us, the best way to help us is to allow us to get through it on our own. To learn, to grow, to gain wisdom and to become stronger so that when the same brick is thrown at us we can throw it back because lets face it, not all relationships last and when they end who do you have to fight your battles then? YOURSELF.

In your search for your everlasting love understand that it is a process and that you must wither your circumstance before you decide to bring love into your life. You have to be ready mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Do not be broken and decide to enter into a relationship hoping that from it you will become repaired. Handle your situation first. Do not bring burden and pain into a new relationship. Love is too beautiful to be dismantled by the storm over your head. Clear the storm, clear your tears and then open your heart to love. Because it is only in this order that you will experience the happiness that comes along with it. You cannot be good to someone else until you learn to be good to yourself.

The Written Words of AJT

"ENCOURAGE Your Man Don't Walk On His Dreams"

So I had my mind set on a totally different topic tonight; that is until I ran into a young couple in the Electronics store this evening.

Now, I didn’t mean to ease drop but the boyfriend was saying he wanted to buy a MAC because it would help him create original mixes for his DJ’ing. The girlfriend, and I kid you not, rolls her eyes and says to him, “Seriously? When you gonna give up those childish dreams? You need to get a real job.” She grabs his hand and walks away. By the look on his face, after he realized I heard her flush his dreams down the toilet, he was embarrassed, sad, and discouraged all in one. It made me think; women always ask for “good” men; Men who have ambition and dreams but when those dreams are not pleasing to the woman or seen as “young and naive” she isn’t the first to encourage him but instead she is the first to shoot him down. How can we want better men if we, as their women, are not encouraging them to be better men?

For a woman to change her ways it usually takes heartbreak because she gains understanding that the change must first come from within and in doing so she finds her worth. A woman’s change usually always has something to do with her past heartbreaks, shortcomings of relationships or when she finds a good man she so desperately wants to please. -----

Now let us consider the man. When a man changes it’s usually for one reason – the right woman. The right woman will open his heart to softer possibilities and he will gain a sense of ambition and the will to become a grown man actions and all. He finds himself wanting to give her the world and by any means necessary he will see to it that he provides just that.

A woman who encourages her man makes him greater. She is his other half therefore no matter how crazy society, his friends or his family may feel his ambitions are she is the one right there beside him, holding him down and believing in him. The number one thing that a man needs from his woman is support not her negativity. A man’s pride is more robust than that of a woman therefore when he finds himself in the midst of failure “I told you so” will not motivate him to do more but instead it will discourage him to succeed. He needs the support of the woman he loves and he needs to hear her say, “Try again. Get up and try again because you can do this.” We need to believe in our men and show them just how much we do.

So when I was in the store listening to this young woman down play her man’s dream all I could think was “What is so insecure in this woman that she feels she can kick him down when he was just about to make a step towards his goal?” He wanted to put money towards a reasonable resource to start his journey. If I were the girlfriend what would I do? I would have took out my credit card and bought the computer for him. Why? Because that is support. It’s saying, “If I don’t care about your dream as much as you do, then I care about it more.”

Sometimes the actions of women with good men disgust me. Women want so bad to experience true love and when they find it they do the most idiotic things imaginable and end up losing it. It is not always the man who messes up. Women are so used to the bad men that when a good one comes along they have no idea what to do with him. Just as you gave your love to the man who treated you like dirt, you need to give your love to the man who is willing to strive to give you the world. Just like you supported the man who was illegally making money you need to support the man who is legit and making his dreams a reality.

Women- you make the good men. A woman’s love is enough to change a man; to mature him, to encourage him and to get him to his greatest achievements. So ladies be that woman who when your man is at his highest pedestal he says, “I could have never done it without the support of my beautiful, encouraging lady.” Be that woman. Don’t be the woman to shut him down but instead be the woman who keeps him lifted.

The written words of AJT

I’m A Woman Who Can’t Cook! Will I Be Single Forever?

As women we have gained a familiarization to the phrase “the quickest way to a man’s heart is to his stomach” but there are exceptional women out there who are more than capable of loving their men in many ways, however fail at the obstacles of the kitchen. Does that give them less of a chance to find Price Charming? Truth is… it just might.

Men love a woman who can cook. I do not know one single man who does not care if his woman can cook or not. You want to keep your man pleased? LEARN HOW TO THROW DOWN IN THE KITCHEN!

My boyfriend is vegan and I am vegetarian. Cooking for myself is easy. I just cross out the meat but cooking for him was by far the hardest obstacle I have ever endured in the kitchen! I had to make alternatives for dairy and desserts. Still, after much studying I finally learned to cook delicious vegan meals. Why did I put so much effort in cooking for him? Well as a woman we want to please our men in more ways than one. It’s not about filling the “women must cook for their men” idea of the 1800s. It is more so about keeping the relationship FULLY satisfied and yes cooking is a large part of that. Especially for women. Why? Because this is the way we thank our men for being amazing to us. Men, just like women, have duties to the relationship and a good man takes care of his household. The least we can do is keep a meal on the table.

Ladies, if you cannot excel in the kitchen do not use that as an excuse to why you cannot get a man because it’s reversible. So instead of complaining of what you can’t do, learn how! Cooking is not difficult and it can be a fun task. So bring out some cookbooks, ask mom or grandma for some home cooked recipes and brush the dust off your stoves. I understand that times have changed but the love that men have for a woman barefoot in the kitchen cooking up his meals has not and I doubt will ever change.

For my Ms. Independents who feel he has hands so he can cook for himself. Sorry to say but you may be preparing to be lonely. Cooking is not changing who you are to be pleasing to a man. It is more so helping you claim competencies important for the success of a woman. Whether it is raising children or tending to your household. Don’t think of it as a task to please a male ego. I am not sexist at all and for many years I refused to cook for a man. However being as young as I was I did not understand the importance of doing so. It shows a high sign of maturity because cooking is not only pleasing your man’s stomach but it is also proving that you are capable of being a successful asset to the household. Men want to feel equal to their women but at the same time they want to keep their masculinity. When things break in the house we expect the man to fix it right? Well when our man comes home from work should he not expect a meal?

Not knowing how to cook will not keep you “manless” for the rest of your life because I believe all women hold beauty and fascination to them that can keep a man around for a lifetime however being a great woman to your man also involves keeping him satisfied on a large scale. We have to keep our men healthy and watch what goes into their systems. A man and a woman must take care of one another. So while not knowing how to cook may not take any points from you it definitely will not give you any.

So start of with a salad or pasta and go from there ladies! The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach? It’s not the only way but it most definitely is a short cut =)

The Written words of AJT

Ditching Old Sheets and Embracing the NEW!!

Yay it’s the first blog of 2012!! Happy New Year to you all and welcome back! =)

After asking many of you what your plans are for the New Year when it comes to love; those in relationships named great ways to keep their current relationship steady, flowing and beautiful. Those who brought in 2012 single named great ways to focus on themselves and in doing so essentially welcome new love.

Well tonight I want to focus on NEW love because I know the dating scene can get boring, depressing and sometimes you feel like you should just give up. When we go into dating with that negative attitude the worse thing can happen; we can find ourselves picking at the past. The one thing you do not want to do this year is END UP BETWEEN THE SAME SHEETS YOU WERE IN LAST YEAR!!

Find new love, new sex new hobbies besides feeding the craving with an old flame. Seriously, many of you look at me like “not me” but believe me when you are tired of dating and aggravated by the results you tend to get a little desperate and start texting people from the past and sending subliminal messages on your Facebook statuses. Yes I have seen it already and we are only 4 days into the New Year!

Dating can be brutal but also successful. The thing is you can’t give up and throw in the towel and you cannot be too aggressive. Let things flow naturally and never rush. Most of all you have to stay optimistic. Nothing great is accomplished over night and love takes time more importantly the success of love takes time.

If you find yourself tired of casual dating and more prepared to settle down then you MUST make sure you look for it in all the right places. Personally, I never trusted meeting people in the club. Alcohol and a good conversation just do not mix because there is too much emotion and sexual energy rather than the want to get to know one another on a more comfortable, clear headed level. The easiest way to find someone for you and someone whose interests are favorably connected to yours is to meet someone at a spot that you go to often during the day. Whether it is the gym, the mall, a lounge or restaurant; meeting someone in the daytime gives you a chance to see them clearly, hear them speak without any impairment and hold a pleasant conversation. If the conversation goes well then you can agree to meet up and do a nighttime dinner. It is always better to meet someone in the light because the darkness brings limitations.

So it’s time to step out and meet new people. Do not allow yourself to become tempted by the past. 2011 is gone and we are welcoming new possibilities, new opportunities and new love. Out with the old and in with the new. Stay optimistic and open to dating. We all have a soul mate out there and when we give up we miss them on our path.

The written words of AJT