In the fall of 2009 Jazmine Sullivan released her hit single “Bust Your Windows”. This song’s lyrics portray an enraged woman, due to heartbreak, who intends on getting her full revenge by vandalizing the man’s car. I never forget one morning I was on my way to school and the radio talk show host on Hot 97 did not hold back when expressing his feelings about the magnitude of Jazmine Sullivan’s song, “Well thank you Jazmine Sullivan for making it okay for women to act like they have no damn sense” As funny as it was at the time, did the radio talk show host have a point? Do music lyrics influence our actions towards love and in Jazmine Sullivan’s case – A lack of love? It made it even clearer when a month after that my girlfriend found out her man was cheating and as she calls it “pulling a Jazmine Sullivan her way”, instead of a crow bar she used her house key to devilishly tag her ex boyfriend’s car. Could Jazmine Sullivan be responsible for letting the monster free out of many enraged women?
Imagine you just found out your woman or man has cheated on you and as you are driving home the radio seems to be feeding your overly emotional attachment towards your past relationship. It seems like every break up song in the world is coming on! That alone will definitely make you want to drive off a cliff!
A close male friend of mine recalls his ex girlfriend, after he ended the relationship, breaking into his apartment and stealing his wallet while he was at the gym. He describes, “This chick lost her mind! She steals my wallet and goes shopping! I get home to Blu Cantrell “Hit Em Up Style” playing on repeat”
Blu Cantrell’s song “Hit Em Up Style” basically gives a woman the go ahead to shop till she drops with her man’s credit cards after he has done her wrong. Yes indeed it was a pretty popular song back then and I am sure that it WRONGFULLY affected many women.
Now on a more positive note- not all songs promote negative gestures of love. I personally hold a large love and respect for Usher’s song “Let It Burn”. I have seen this song, even today; play a huge role in mature, adult breakups. It promotes the idea that after multiple endearing attempts towards a relationship and wanting it to work so bad, even though deep down you know it cannot, you get to a point where you know its time to let go and let it burn because “the party ain’t jumping like it used to”. Great song! Cuddos to Usher!
We underestimate the power of lyrical artists. Lauryn Hill for instance – her entire album “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” is not a bitter album towards relationships and break ups, instead it includes songs from all different point of views of love. The lyrics will get you through the twists and turns and ups and downs of relationships THE RIGHT WAY.
We can name many artists, both male and female, whose lyrics motivate us to move on, love our partners better or to just appreciate the possibilities of love as a whole.
You may believe, “Music plays no role in how I love” However, Past artists have set the mood for the way we love today. You don’t believe me? Go ahead and ask your parents what song lead up to you being born? Believe me whether it was Lenny Williams, Teddy Pendergrass, Rick James, Luther Vandross, The Isley Brothers, Guy, Bobby Womack, Gerald Levert – I can name so many more of the artists who promote GOOD LOVE MAKING/ BABY MAKING music. We should pay homage to the artists who created lyrics like these because without those tunes many of us will not be here today!
Stay away from those songs that will have you cheating on a good partner, vandalizing that man’s car, being a gold digger or disrespecting someone you love. You think the song is good for you when really all that is behind it is an artist trying to make some good money! Do not let lyrics ruin something good, instead if it has any effect on how you love, let it lift you into being the best partner. I am personally in love with “Cater To You” by Destiny’s Child. It gave me great insight on how to treat a good man deserving of my love in a very sexy way. (wink) lol
If you are single, play a song that gets you going about self-improvement and loving you first. If you are recovering from a break up do not turn on sad lonely music, instead add some life to yourself and play music that gives you the strength to love again. If you don’t want to take this course in direction well go ahead and let Jazmine Sullivan sing you into busting that man’s car windows but she will not be in court with you on Monday!
The Written Words Of AJT
Sunday 30 October 2011
Wednesday 26 October 2011
"Women Lie Men Lie"
Oh how the man underestimates the intentions, doings and capabilities of the female!
It is as if men are conditioned to believe that their women do no wrong. They believe that while they are out doing their dirt or even when they are out doing good, that their women are at home faithfully waiting on them to get back. Well for some women this is the story. Some women find it pleasurable and more than enough to please one man but for many others (let me add a broad emphasis on MANY) they play the field just as much as men do or even more!
Yes it is true WOMEN DO CHEAT and the quicker men realize this the quicker they can break their conditioned mind of believing “a lady does no wrong”.
**Quick side note: This blog is not intended to dog my ladies but more so to be real and fair in confirming that when it comes to cheating it is definitely not one sided and when it comes to getting away with it, women have the upper hand.
Why? Because women are so afraid of being hurt that most of them never give their men the benefit of a doubt in the first place so once that intuition sets in they immediately act upon it. However, a man will usually ignore the signs and can be so prideful that he cannot even fathom the thought of his woman between another man’s sheets or another man between his sheets while he is working, flirting and out and about. And you wonder why men are so unlikely to catch their women in the act when she is jumping from bed to bed, or even between friends. A woman can be sleeping in a man’s bed one night and his friend’s the next and both men will still be believing that THEY ARE THE ONLY ONE. Is a man’s pride and ego so big that it leads to an overdose in denial?
DENIAL PLAYS A BIG ROLE IN MEN WHO NEVER FIND OUT THEIR WOMEN ARE CHEATING.
If a woman is treating him right, complimenting him, being a good woman to him he will never believe that she will sneak out on him with another man. However sorry to break it to the men, but this is all in the game and Oh did we not learn from the best? Men play it off very well. I have known a woman who was with her man and the “other man” for the same amount of years and was never caught out! How is this possible? And yes they were in the same town! She says, “I treated them both like Kings and till this day they have no idea and they think of me as the good woman who got away”
I GET IT- Men think women are so emotional; they could not handle the games, tricks and “emotionless sex” that come along with cheating and playing the field. Could it be that men are so into playing their game that they overlook the signs of their women playing the field as well? Or can it be they underestimate the power that women have? (We all know what that power is) One last huge question that I ponder on while I write this blog is- do men actually know when a woman is cheating but rather not address the issue because she is a “good woman” to him?
It is scientifically proven that males are less emotional than women, so would they really care if their woman was cheating? As long as she is doing right by him (keeping him feed in the bedroom and the household), would he care that she is creeping with another man?
Just think, it does not ruin his reputation but more so it tramples hers. We all know that once it gets around that a woman is “GETTING AROUND” she is automatically labeled a hoe, easy or whore. What is it that a man loses when he is in a relationship with a woman who sleeps around? He is getting some on the regular and is being treated like a king at home. Still as some men think this way, “why should I care because she is handling me just fine”, others find it repulsive to know that the lady he has been dealing with is spreading her legs for another man. This can turn a man upside down into a violent rage! Difference between when a man finds out a woman is cheating and when a woman finds out is the anger. A woman may throw a blow dryer but more than likely, if it is his first offense, she will be making love to him that same night. It’s just the typical emotional reaction that women give off. On the other hand, when a man finds out his woman is cheating he is not sleeping with her, he is gone! Not only is he hurt but in most cases it has killed his pride. He feels weak. Once a man’s pride has been at stake you can pretty much kiss the relationship goodbye.
Truth of the matter is both parties cheat. Sometimes we dog men so badly and we forget that the slickest individual in the game is the woman. Believe me men when you are cheating, 9 times out of 10 your lady knows that you are cheating. However if she is cheating 9 times out of 10 you won’t have a single clue! I would tell you how to know if your lady is cheating but through this blog I cannot abandon who I am. Definitely not a cheater, but I am a woman and there are some things between the code of the vagina that is never released. (wink)
The Written words of AJT.
It is as if men are conditioned to believe that their women do no wrong. They believe that while they are out doing their dirt or even when they are out doing good, that their women are at home faithfully waiting on them to get back. Well for some women this is the story. Some women find it pleasurable and more than enough to please one man but for many others (let me add a broad emphasis on MANY) they play the field just as much as men do or even more!
Yes it is true WOMEN DO CHEAT and the quicker men realize this the quicker they can break their conditioned mind of believing “a lady does no wrong”.
**Quick side note: This blog is not intended to dog my ladies but more so to be real and fair in confirming that when it comes to cheating it is definitely not one sided and when it comes to getting away with it, women have the upper hand.
Why? Because women are so afraid of being hurt that most of them never give their men the benefit of a doubt in the first place so once that intuition sets in they immediately act upon it. However, a man will usually ignore the signs and can be so prideful that he cannot even fathom the thought of his woman between another man’s sheets or another man between his sheets while he is working, flirting and out and about. And you wonder why men are so unlikely to catch their women in the act when she is jumping from bed to bed, or even between friends. A woman can be sleeping in a man’s bed one night and his friend’s the next and both men will still be believing that THEY ARE THE ONLY ONE. Is a man’s pride and ego so big that it leads to an overdose in denial?
DENIAL PLAYS A BIG ROLE IN MEN WHO NEVER FIND OUT THEIR WOMEN ARE CHEATING.
If a woman is treating him right, complimenting him, being a good woman to him he will never believe that she will sneak out on him with another man. However sorry to break it to the men, but this is all in the game and Oh did we not learn from the best? Men play it off very well. I have known a woman who was with her man and the “other man” for the same amount of years and was never caught out! How is this possible? And yes they were in the same town! She says, “I treated them both like Kings and till this day they have no idea and they think of me as the good woman who got away”
I GET IT- Men think women are so emotional; they could not handle the games, tricks and “emotionless sex” that come along with cheating and playing the field. Could it be that men are so into playing their game that they overlook the signs of their women playing the field as well? Or can it be they underestimate the power that women have? (We all know what that power is) One last huge question that I ponder on while I write this blog is- do men actually know when a woman is cheating but rather not address the issue because she is a “good woman” to him?
It is scientifically proven that males are less emotional than women, so would they really care if their woman was cheating? As long as she is doing right by him (keeping him feed in the bedroom and the household), would he care that she is creeping with another man?
Just think, it does not ruin his reputation but more so it tramples hers. We all know that once it gets around that a woman is “GETTING AROUND” she is automatically labeled a hoe, easy or whore. What is it that a man loses when he is in a relationship with a woman who sleeps around? He is getting some on the regular and is being treated like a king at home. Still as some men think this way, “why should I care because she is handling me just fine”, others find it repulsive to know that the lady he has been dealing with is spreading her legs for another man. This can turn a man upside down into a violent rage! Difference between when a man finds out a woman is cheating and when a woman finds out is the anger. A woman may throw a blow dryer but more than likely, if it is his first offense, she will be making love to him that same night. It’s just the typical emotional reaction that women give off. On the other hand, when a man finds out his woman is cheating he is not sleeping with her, he is gone! Not only is he hurt but in most cases it has killed his pride. He feels weak. Once a man’s pride has been at stake you can pretty much kiss the relationship goodbye.
Truth of the matter is both parties cheat. Sometimes we dog men so badly and we forget that the slickest individual in the game is the woman. Believe me men when you are cheating, 9 times out of 10 your lady knows that you are cheating. However if she is cheating 9 times out of 10 you won’t have a single clue! I would tell you how to know if your lady is cheating but through this blog I cannot abandon who I am. Definitely not a cheater, but I am a woman and there are some things between the code of the vagina that is never released. (wink)
The Written words of AJT.
Sunday 23 October 2011
My Celibate Lover
Sex. It makes the relationship more intense, more eloquent and it has the ability to draw individuals closer physically and spiritually. At least, that is the more poetic side of it. A less formal summation would include the fact that it is pleasurable, exotic and, if its good, draws our attraction for our partners in a more dominate way. We all like to think that when we first start dating an individual they are not thinking about sex, they just “want to get to know us”. True, however sex is still on the mind. When we are attracted to an individual of course we think about sex. We wonder how good they are, ladies wonder how “gifted and blessed” he is and men wonder “how tight or loose” she is. We size up individuals in a physical manner taking into account their physical attributes.
I remember having a conversation with my girlfriend a while back and we were talking about her first impressions of the guy she is dating. She stated, “When he picked me up for dinner girl I had to rush upstairs to change my panties. All I can think of was his strong arms and masculine hands undressing me. You can tell he worked out too!” Let me remind you this was the first date after she met him in the dairy section of the grocery store. So much for believing that men are the only ones who think of sex on a daily basis. Nope! Us women contemplate on getting some action too, especially when we have not had any in a while and our lace panties collect cobwebs as we start grabbing for the Hanes “grandma panties”. It gets redundant. So when a good fine looking man knocks at our door you better believe that we want the dinner to go by fast so we can invite him in afterwards.
However, what struck my friend about this man was that while they were having dinner he confessed that he was celibate and has been for the past 4 years. 4 years of no sex. Whewwwww!! I cannot understand how he does it or how anyone for that matter can position his or her mentality to go without. Still, there are many individuals out there who are celibate. To my friends disappointment she had the choice of either continually dating this man or walking out because the pleasure and satisfaction towards their intimate relationship would not exist: or so she thought. He explained that being celibate meant that he was abstinent of sexual intercourse however not of intimacy. That makes sense. Usually when we hear that someone is celibate we immediately believe that it means NO SEX, NO TOUCHING, NO KISSING, NO LOVE.
I can start this paragraph by going into the subject of “there are other ways to make up for the lack of sex in the relationship.” But really, are there? Lack of sexual intercourse is just that- LACK of sexual intercourse. There is no penetration, no fulfillment, no mind blowing, body trenching, out of your mind SEX! So how can you make up for the lack of something so thrilling? Just think, even if we say – there are alternate options that do not involve intercourse that can fulfill the urge- do we really mean this statement? To me, other ways to fulfill the urge are basically actions of foreplay. They are teasing the body and getting the body prepared to begin the fulfilling act of sexual satisfaction. So basically these other acts that can make up for the lack of sex are acts of foreplay. Who wants foreplay with no sex? That’s like starting the engine but not taking it for the ride. It’s a tease and it can leave a man in pain (blue balls) and can leave a lady leaving the mans home sexually unsatisfied and rushing home for her toys stored in the back closet. No one is pleased here.
Do not misunderstand me; I am not saying that celibate individuals cannot partake in relationships with non-celibate individuals. However, it would not be an easy journey. It’s not just about the pleasure of sex but it is also about that possible connection being made with someone you love. That connection during sex brings two individuals closer which is why I can understand why many choose the religious route of celibacy and wait it off until the alter has been met and vows have been stated. Makes sense. And more power to the individuals who are able to wait it out all in the sake of love and religious faith.
Having a relationship with a celibate individual is possible. Just understand what long nights are ahead with the pillow grasping its way between your legs. But still, I am a strong optimist of love and I have seen many couples survive the “drought”. What’s your thought on the subject? Can you ever date a celibate individual?
The written words of AJT
I remember having a conversation with my girlfriend a while back and we were talking about her first impressions of the guy she is dating. She stated, “When he picked me up for dinner girl I had to rush upstairs to change my panties. All I can think of was his strong arms and masculine hands undressing me. You can tell he worked out too!” Let me remind you this was the first date after she met him in the dairy section of the grocery store. So much for believing that men are the only ones who think of sex on a daily basis. Nope! Us women contemplate on getting some action too, especially when we have not had any in a while and our lace panties collect cobwebs as we start grabbing for the Hanes “grandma panties”. It gets redundant. So when a good fine looking man knocks at our door you better believe that we want the dinner to go by fast so we can invite him in afterwards.
However, what struck my friend about this man was that while they were having dinner he confessed that he was celibate and has been for the past 4 years. 4 years of no sex. Whewwwww!! I cannot understand how he does it or how anyone for that matter can position his or her mentality to go without. Still, there are many individuals out there who are celibate. To my friends disappointment she had the choice of either continually dating this man or walking out because the pleasure and satisfaction towards their intimate relationship would not exist: or so she thought. He explained that being celibate meant that he was abstinent of sexual intercourse however not of intimacy. That makes sense. Usually when we hear that someone is celibate we immediately believe that it means NO SEX, NO TOUCHING, NO KISSING, NO LOVE.
I can start this paragraph by going into the subject of “there are other ways to make up for the lack of sex in the relationship.” But really, are there? Lack of sexual intercourse is just that- LACK of sexual intercourse. There is no penetration, no fulfillment, no mind blowing, body trenching, out of your mind SEX! So how can you make up for the lack of something so thrilling? Just think, even if we say – there are alternate options that do not involve intercourse that can fulfill the urge- do we really mean this statement? To me, other ways to fulfill the urge are basically actions of foreplay. They are teasing the body and getting the body prepared to begin the fulfilling act of sexual satisfaction. So basically these other acts that can make up for the lack of sex are acts of foreplay. Who wants foreplay with no sex? That’s like starting the engine but not taking it for the ride. It’s a tease and it can leave a man in pain (blue balls) and can leave a lady leaving the mans home sexually unsatisfied and rushing home for her toys stored in the back closet. No one is pleased here.
Do not misunderstand me; I am not saying that celibate individuals cannot partake in relationships with non-celibate individuals. However, it would not be an easy journey. It’s not just about the pleasure of sex but it is also about that possible connection being made with someone you love. That connection during sex brings two individuals closer which is why I can understand why many choose the religious route of celibacy and wait it off until the alter has been met and vows have been stated. Makes sense. And more power to the individuals who are able to wait it out all in the sake of love and religious faith.
Having a relationship with a celibate individual is possible. Just understand what long nights are ahead with the pillow grasping its way between your legs. But still, I am a strong optimist of love and I have seen many couples survive the “drought”. What’s your thought on the subject? Can you ever date a celibate individual?
The written words of AJT
Sunday 16 October 2011
A New Meaning to Zapp & Rogers "Computer Love"
TECHNOLOGY TECHNOLOGY TECHNOLOGY!
Before the software advancements of computers, in order to keep daily communication with loved ones far away we relied on the telephone. That telephone did so much for us (or so we thought). We would tell our partner what we were doing, what we were wearing, and most subjectively we would explore one of the many “alternatives” to sexual fulfillment when distance puts us at a disadvantage and that alternative is wonderful, amazing PHONE SEX!
Phone sex was what the housewives indulged in when their husbands were gone on business trips. It was what college students partook in with long distance lovers studying abroad. It is what people who met over the Internet would do (let me remind you they would do this without ever seeing this individual, not taking into consideration “beautiful perfect pictures” that we all put up on social networks and dating websites). Phone sex was booming at one point in time, well that is until the computer got webcams and the most amazing software of them all: SKYPE and there you have it. Webcam beat the telephone out the water. So now instead of telling your partner over the phone what you are touching (wink) you can show them!
Skype/Oovoo or any other webcam system out there, have become the survival kit for long distance relationships. Its one thing to hear the person you love over the phone but being able to see them no matter how far away they are is pretty extraordinary. Do not take it for granted! I remember being in a long distance relationship many years ago where Skype was un heard of and guess what? Even though I spoke to my partner on a weekly basis, sometimes even daily, it had gotten to the point where I literally could no longer match the voice to the face. Yes it is true; I FORGOT WHAT MY PARTNER LOOKED LIKE. I did not have any pictures of the guy and overtime the voice just was not enough.
Oh the many things that webcam has to offer! Ladies, lets say it is your man’s birthday and of course he is far from you and you are unable to spend this day with him. Well simply call him on Skype, put on some good music and give him a dance. Yes a dance! Make him know and love what he has waiting on him and make him never forget what he has the privilege of calling his.
But the number one thing that will drive your man crazy is to watch you masturbate on Skype. Do not be alarmed or surprised or weird about this. We are all adults here! After doing research on the subject, studies have shown that men love to see a woman play with herself. It gets them going. So you want to please your man? Strip, touch and let him enjoy =)
Men, do not be shy to show her what she has been holding out for. Distance can become a strain and every now and then a woman needs to know what she has far across the states, oceans or countries. It makes the wait worthwhile because when a woman is already undyingly attracted to you, giving her a full view every now and then will definitely make up for the distance. It will not achieve what you can do to her from her bed but it can damn sure hold her together. You do not have to dance for us; just standing in front of the camera letting it hang does more than enough! Please and thank you =)
The point is folks; its time to join the new millennium and take advantage of all that technology has to offer. Sitting on Skype all day with your love can get restless so spice it up and keep the flame going in your long distance relationship. Love can be shown in many ways, the human body can be explored and pleasured in MANY ways and thanks to technology you do not even need to be next to your partner to experience that fulfillment. Of course it will not be as great the REAL thing but It will definitely let the time go by a little easier until the next time you are able to enjoy sex with your love. So without further a due I will like to say thank you technology for fulfilling our long waited sexual desires =)
The Written Words of AJT
Before the software advancements of computers, in order to keep daily communication with loved ones far away we relied on the telephone. That telephone did so much for us (or so we thought). We would tell our partner what we were doing, what we were wearing, and most subjectively we would explore one of the many “alternatives” to sexual fulfillment when distance puts us at a disadvantage and that alternative is wonderful, amazing PHONE SEX!
Phone sex was what the housewives indulged in when their husbands were gone on business trips. It was what college students partook in with long distance lovers studying abroad. It is what people who met over the Internet would do (let me remind you they would do this without ever seeing this individual, not taking into consideration “beautiful perfect pictures” that we all put up on social networks and dating websites). Phone sex was booming at one point in time, well that is until the computer got webcams and the most amazing software of them all: SKYPE and there you have it. Webcam beat the telephone out the water. So now instead of telling your partner over the phone what you are touching (wink) you can show them!
Skype/Oovoo or any other webcam system out there, have become the survival kit for long distance relationships. Its one thing to hear the person you love over the phone but being able to see them no matter how far away they are is pretty extraordinary. Do not take it for granted! I remember being in a long distance relationship many years ago where Skype was un heard of and guess what? Even though I spoke to my partner on a weekly basis, sometimes even daily, it had gotten to the point where I literally could no longer match the voice to the face. Yes it is true; I FORGOT WHAT MY PARTNER LOOKED LIKE. I did not have any pictures of the guy and overtime the voice just was not enough.
Oh the many things that webcam has to offer! Ladies, lets say it is your man’s birthday and of course he is far from you and you are unable to spend this day with him. Well simply call him on Skype, put on some good music and give him a dance. Yes a dance! Make him know and love what he has waiting on him and make him never forget what he has the privilege of calling his.
But the number one thing that will drive your man crazy is to watch you masturbate on Skype. Do not be alarmed or surprised or weird about this. We are all adults here! After doing research on the subject, studies have shown that men love to see a woman play with herself. It gets them going. So you want to please your man? Strip, touch and let him enjoy =)
Men, do not be shy to show her what she has been holding out for. Distance can become a strain and every now and then a woman needs to know what she has far across the states, oceans or countries. It makes the wait worthwhile because when a woman is already undyingly attracted to you, giving her a full view every now and then will definitely make up for the distance. It will not achieve what you can do to her from her bed but it can damn sure hold her together. You do not have to dance for us; just standing in front of the camera letting it hang does more than enough! Please and thank you =)
The point is folks; its time to join the new millennium and take advantage of all that technology has to offer. Sitting on Skype all day with your love can get restless so spice it up and keep the flame going in your long distance relationship. Love can be shown in many ways, the human body can be explored and pleasured in MANY ways and thanks to technology you do not even need to be next to your partner to experience that fulfillment. Of course it will not be as great the REAL thing but It will definitely let the time go by a little easier until the next time you are able to enjoy sex with your love. So without further a due I will like to say thank you technology for fulfilling our long waited sexual desires =)
The Written Words of AJT
Wednesday 12 October 2011
"If The Ring Don't Fit...I'm Out" What?
In a world consumed in fashion, jewelry and keeping up with the trends have we carried over our materialistic ways into love? Over the years, it seems that the materialistic gesture of marriage is what passes judgment to the love between two individuals. “If the ring isn’t big enough then the man does not love her.” What? This is pure insanity.
I remember being a young girl talking to my girlfriends at the lunch table about how big the engagement ring will be when I find prince charming. I was more interested in the luxury of the “bling” than explaining to them what kind of golden prince I wanted to put it on my finger! I was more interested in the white gold; black diamonds and princess cut exposure of the materialistic gesture than the description of my perfect guy. But at that time was I any different than the women of this day in age? When a woman is proposed to she rather you pull out an 18K gold ring than to get on one knee in the “traditional” sense.
The sad part is that as women we have been making it so hard for our men! There are some men who can yet afford a fancy ring. There are some men who will never be able to afford that 3 million dollar ring that as women we fantasized about as young girls. But should it matter? Many will go to say, “I do not want to settle and I deserve the best.” That may be true. But if you are the type to let real love go because the man of your dreams cannot afford the luxurious ring then maybe you are not deserving of that good man. Does a worthy man deserve a woman who he has given all his love to yet she still remains unsatisfied because the ring falls too short of her expectancies?
We have allowed society and its advertisements to brainwash us into thinking that the ring is a replica of a man’s love for a woman. If men believe “if the ring is too small she will not marry me” that not only says a lot about the man but it says even more about the woman because he actually believes that she is so superficial that if the ring is not met to her highest hopes, not only will she turn him down, but she will walk away. How can we give our men these assumptions? Back in the day people did not need rings to get married. A heartfelt proposal from the right person was more than enough. Love is not materialistic nor is it based off materialistic gestures and the bulk of a man or woman’s wallet. We say we deserve this and we deserve that but until we really truly understand the sacred commitment of marriage and the true meaning of love how can we deserve to take vows to another human being, and in the same sense, become one with that individual? Knowing how to love holds tremendous importance. Many of us want to be married so bad that we prematurely jump the broom without having a legitimate grasp on the steps we are vowing to take.
Ladies, if you are worried about your finger being well accommodated when it comes to marrying your perfect guy then you have proven, not that you have high resting expectations, not that you do not settle for anything less, but instead it shows your lack of faithfulness towards real love. Love does not weigh the pocket change. You can have the most extravagant wedding that only costs 500 dollars! We get so wrapped into the exquisite wedding that we tend to forget the reason for the social engagement in the first place. It is not to walk down the isle in hopes that everyone is “hating” on how good you look. It is not to put up a front like the wedding did not set you back a few thousand dollars. It is not to keep focus on whether or not the ring can be seen from a mile away. At least that is not my vision of it. As a woman I would like to walk down the isle with nothing but him on my mind. I never want to look into the crowd for my eyes will remain glued on this man, my perfect man. When he places the ring on my finger I won’t even look down because I will still be in an admirable stage reciting throughout my mind the vows he just wonderfully promised to me. Nothing would matter but this moment and time where I promise to share my life with the man of my dreams. The day will be cherished as the day I take full advantage of pure, true, untouchable love. That is the day of a woman’s wedding. She is happy, she is joyous and at peace with her heart and soul because she has found her other half. So many times we over look the small things about the most precious occasions in life. We allow ourselves to be blinded.
Do not allow that man to slip away because your friends are saying “No that ring is too small.” And you wonder why they are still single? If this man treats you as his queen, does everything imaginable for you, gives you all he can and puts you first before his own life, how can you let this man walk away because he cannot provide you with the materialistic, worldly praise of a large diamond ring? Be smart and celebrate the occasion and the meaning of what you are about to partake in. A ring can be damaged it can be tarred, it can be destroyed but a real love does not die. It does not wither over time and unlike the ring it gets stronger, more beautiful, and the wealth is far more excessive than that of the 18K gold ring that lies upon your finger. No amount of worldly gesture can surpass the love between two individuals vowing to spend the rest of their lives together.
The Written word of AJT
I remember being a young girl talking to my girlfriends at the lunch table about how big the engagement ring will be when I find prince charming. I was more interested in the luxury of the “bling” than explaining to them what kind of golden prince I wanted to put it on my finger! I was more interested in the white gold; black diamonds and princess cut exposure of the materialistic gesture than the description of my perfect guy. But at that time was I any different than the women of this day in age? When a woman is proposed to she rather you pull out an 18K gold ring than to get on one knee in the “traditional” sense.
The sad part is that as women we have been making it so hard for our men! There are some men who can yet afford a fancy ring. There are some men who will never be able to afford that 3 million dollar ring that as women we fantasized about as young girls. But should it matter? Many will go to say, “I do not want to settle and I deserve the best.” That may be true. But if you are the type to let real love go because the man of your dreams cannot afford the luxurious ring then maybe you are not deserving of that good man. Does a worthy man deserve a woman who he has given all his love to yet she still remains unsatisfied because the ring falls too short of her expectancies?
We have allowed society and its advertisements to brainwash us into thinking that the ring is a replica of a man’s love for a woman. If men believe “if the ring is too small she will not marry me” that not only says a lot about the man but it says even more about the woman because he actually believes that she is so superficial that if the ring is not met to her highest hopes, not only will she turn him down, but she will walk away. How can we give our men these assumptions? Back in the day people did not need rings to get married. A heartfelt proposal from the right person was more than enough. Love is not materialistic nor is it based off materialistic gestures and the bulk of a man or woman’s wallet. We say we deserve this and we deserve that but until we really truly understand the sacred commitment of marriage and the true meaning of love how can we deserve to take vows to another human being, and in the same sense, become one with that individual? Knowing how to love holds tremendous importance. Many of us want to be married so bad that we prematurely jump the broom without having a legitimate grasp on the steps we are vowing to take.
Ladies, if you are worried about your finger being well accommodated when it comes to marrying your perfect guy then you have proven, not that you have high resting expectations, not that you do not settle for anything less, but instead it shows your lack of faithfulness towards real love. Love does not weigh the pocket change. You can have the most extravagant wedding that only costs 500 dollars! We get so wrapped into the exquisite wedding that we tend to forget the reason for the social engagement in the first place. It is not to walk down the isle in hopes that everyone is “hating” on how good you look. It is not to put up a front like the wedding did not set you back a few thousand dollars. It is not to keep focus on whether or not the ring can be seen from a mile away. At least that is not my vision of it. As a woman I would like to walk down the isle with nothing but him on my mind. I never want to look into the crowd for my eyes will remain glued on this man, my perfect man. When he places the ring on my finger I won’t even look down because I will still be in an admirable stage reciting throughout my mind the vows he just wonderfully promised to me. Nothing would matter but this moment and time where I promise to share my life with the man of my dreams. The day will be cherished as the day I take full advantage of pure, true, untouchable love. That is the day of a woman’s wedding. She is happy, she is joyous and at peace with her heart and soul because she has found her other half. So many times we over look the small things about the most precious occasions in life. We allow ourselves to be blinded.
Do not allow that man to slip away because your friends are saying “No that ring is too small.” And you wonder why they are still single? If this man treats you as his queen, does everything imaginable for you, gives you all he can and puts you first before his own life, how can you let this man walk away because he cannot provide you with the materialistic, worldly praise of a large diamond ring? Be smart and celebrate the occasion and the meaning of what you are about to partake in. A ring can be damaged it can be tarred, it can be destroyed but a real love does not die. It does not wither over time and unlike the ring it gets stronger, more beautiful, and the wealth is far more excessive than that of the 18K gold ring that lies upon your finger. No amount of worldly gesture can surpass the love between two individuals vowing to spend the rest of their lives together.
The Written word of AJT
Sunday 9 October 2011
"Whats It Mean To Be Dangerously In Love?"
What constitutes as being dangerously in love? Is it doing more for someone than you would do for yourself? Is it loving someone more than you love yourself? Is it putting someone else’s happiness in front of your own? These are all acts committed when a person falls in love. Deny it if you want but lets take a second to think about it. When you are in love and I mean REALLY in love, pretty much everything you do are in hopes that it makes the person you are in love with, happy. Whether that means buying a new outfit, getting to the gym, eating healthier, making them their favorite meal, ditching your friends on a Saturday night, and finally something that we are all guilty of: picturing our future with kids, a dog and a white picket fence. These are just the acts and changes that occur when we fall in love. So when does it become dangerous? Simple: When we are in love with someone who obviously is not in love with us, yet we still give give give but receive NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING.
Dangerous love usually kicks in when we find that we are giving more love than what we are receiving. Some can call it settling but its not exactly settling. The person can be amazing! They can have a great job, great salary, good family, amazing friends and they can be the most attractive individual in town but what makes it dangerous is the fact that we pour our hearts and soul into trying to keep this person happy and pleased beyond measure when the cold fact is they damn sure would not do the same for us.
With danger comes some sort of horrible consequence to the act. So what is the consequence when we love dangerously? Its more like what is NOT the consequence because so many tragic things can happen. First and foremost we put up a front. We tell ourselves that this person actually cares. Then we put up an even bigger front by making examples in our minds like “He/she has to care about me otherwise why would they be sleeping with me and why would they even be in this relationship?” hmmm ill answer that: They love what you can do for them; they love that you give them some on the daily basis or basically whenever they want it, they love that there are no expectations because no matter what they say to you, you eat it up and believe it so quickly that no explanations from them are necessary. All they have to say is “I love you” and you go running to the kitchen to make them a meal or hop on top to give them good sex. They win so easily by just whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Problem is:
YOU CANNOT FIGHT THE “SUBCONSCIOUS COMMON SENSE”
The subconscious common sense beats your excuses for staying with this individual. Most of the time it hits you after you have slept with them and you are starring at the ceiling thinking “why am I still here” (yes I know you have that thought). That is our subconscious common sense. It beats the heck out of all the lies you tell yourself, lying to your friends, and believing the crap that comes out of the individual’s mouth. You have fallen so madly in love that even though your mind knows its best to leave, your body will not let you. You are trapped in dangerous love! You actually think that if you get out of that bed and walk out for good you are going to be missing out on something. But seriously what can you possibly be missing out on? You have given the individual all of your love, you have done so much for them and the gestures never bring you happiness but you do it because it keeps them around. Is that what it is? Do we put up with just about anything to stray away from loneliness? Will we go through the craziest measures just to have someone in bed with us? To have someone to call our own? But after a while doesn’t it become tiring and redundant?
If you are putting in all your energy to keep someone happy but the acts of making them happy gives you no satisfaction then something is seriously wrong with the picture. When true love is in the presence of two individuals, partaking in selfless actions for each other gives both parties happiness and gratification. It does not make them tiresome, lonely, depressed and sad. After they make love they are happy, energetic, relieved and all they want to do is be held by one another and bask in the love that they BOTH share for each other. But when the equality of love lacks, you will not receive the happiness of the nice gestures. You are more like a maid. You do all the cleaning, the chores and you keep the household in shape but really you are not noticed at all. Just a fly on the wall. And no one wants to feel indivisible to someone they love.
So I know I usually end with a great conclusion towards one of love’s great mysteries but this time I can’t. The only way to remove yourself from dangerous love is to get tired of it. Once a person gets tired of giving and receiving nothing but a good hump in bed they will never revisit that empty place again. So until you get tired of living dangerously in love all this blog does for you is open your eyes to the situation you are drowning so willingly in. Yes I said willingly. Because when you know what you need to do in order to help yourself and get out of a pointless relationship but you choose not to: you are willingly involved in B.S! So tell me, are you tired yet?
The Written Words of AJT
Dangerous love usually kicks in when we find that we are giving more love than what we are receiving. Some can call it settling but its not exactly settling. The person can be amazing! They can have a great job, great salary, good family, amazing friends and they can be the most attractive individual in town but what makes it dangerous is the fact that we pour our hearts and soul into trying to keep this person happy and pleased beyond measure when the cold fact is they damn sure would not do the same for us.
With danger comes some sort of horrible consequence to the act. So what is the consequence when we love dangerously? Its more like what is NOT the consequence because so many tragic things can happen. First and foremost we put up a front. We tell ourselves that this person actually cares. Then we put up an even bigger front by making examples in our minds like “He/she has to care about me otherwise why would they be sleeping with me and why would they even be in this relationship?” hmmm ill answer that: They love what you can do for them; they love that you give them some on the daily basis or basically whenever they want it, they love that there are no expectations because no matter what they say to you, you eat it up and believe it so quickly that no explanations from them are necessary. All they have to say is “I love you” and you go running to the kitchen to make them a meal or hop on top to give them good sex. They win so easily by just whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Problem is:
YOU CANNOT FIGHT THE “SUBCONSCIOUS COMMON SENSE”
The subconscious common sense beats your excuses for staying with this individual. Most of the time it hits you after you have slept with them and you are starring at the ceiling thinking “why am I still here” (yes I know you have that thought). That is our subconscious common sense. It beats the heck out of all the lies you tell yourself, lying to your friends, and believing the crap that comes out of the individual’s mouth. You have fallen so madly in love that even though your mind knows its best to leave, your body will not let you. You are trapped in dangerous love! You actually think that if you get out of that bed and walk out for good you are going to be missing out on something. But seriously what can you possibly be missing out on? You have given the individual all of your love, you have done so much for them and the gestures never bring you happiness but you do it because it keeps them around. Is that what it is? Do we put up with just about anything to stray away from loneliness? Will we go through the craziest measures just to have someone in bed with us? To have someone to call our own? But after a while doesn’t it become tiring and redundant?
If you are putting in all your energy to keep someone happy but the acts of making them happy gives you no satisfaction then something is seriously wrong with the picture. When true love is in the presence of two individuals, partaking in selfless actions for each other gives both parties happiness and gratification. It does not make them tiresome, lonely, depressed and sad. After they make love they are happy, energetic, relieved and all they want to do is be held by one another and bask in the love that they BOTH share for each other. But when the equality of love lacks, you will not receive the happiness of the nice gestures. You are more like a maid. You do all the cleaning, the chores and you keep the household in shape but really you are not noticed at all. Just a fly on the wall. And no one wants to feel indivisible to someone they love.
So I know I usually end with a great conclusion towards one of love’s great mysteries but this time I can’t. The only way to remove yourself from dangerous love is to get tired of it. Once a person gets tired of giving and receiving nothing but a good hump in bed they will never revisit that empty place again. So until you get tired of living dangerously in love all this blog does for you is open your eyes to the situation you are drowning so willingly in. Yes I said willingly. Because when you know what you need to do in order to help yourself and get out of a pointless relationship but you choose not to: you are willingly involved in B.S! So tell me, are you tired yet?
The Written Words of AJT
Wednesday 5 October 2011
"What You Won't Do, Do For Love"
“Let Me Help You
Take Off Your Shoes
Untie Your Shoestrings
Take Off Your Cufflinks (Yeah)
What You Want To Eat Boo? (Yeah)
Let Me Feed You
Let Me Run Your Bathwater
Whatever You Desire, I'll Aspire
Sing You A Song
Turn The Game On
I'll Brush Your Hair
Help Put Your Do Rag On
Want A Foot Rub? (Yeah)
You Want A Manicure?
Baby I'm Yours I Want To Cater To You Boy”
Now that is what you call catering to your man! However, would we call it submissive? Too many times we get definitions and acts towards our relationships confused. The definition of submissive is – “ready to conform to the authority or will of others; obedient, passive.”
So now that we are good on the definition of submissive would you say that the song lyrics to Destiny’s Child’s “Cater To You” are submissive? Many that I questioned said yes they are-- well I beg to differ. To me, the song is about a woman who is pleasing her man and not by AUTHORITY but out of love and respect for what he does for her. So again does this song sound submissive?
A few men, once I interviewed them on the subject, said they want their woman to be submissive in some ways however too much submission is overwhelming. What? You see this is where I come to scratch my head and pause while I am writing this blog so here it is _____________.
Men want a woman who is not running the streets, has not been around the block too much, someone they can bring home to Mom, someone who can cook, clean, wash their clothes and be their better half right? But now you tell me that when a woman does these things too often it is too much for you to handle?
I understand that back in the day women were far more submissive than they are today. Over the decades society has given women more freedom and therefore they are more business prone than “cook, clean, wash clothes” prone. Not every woman knows how to cook as most did centuries ago. Not all women enjoy cleaning and washing their men’s clothes. Some women rather work long hours and expect a warm meal on the table when they get home from their MAN! So yes, times have changed and so have circumstances. BUT, I feel that women allow this to get to their heads sometimes. Working is amazing, getting an education is amazing! However, when you have a good man at home do not forget to keep him happy. Do not let your success and job leave you in bed lonely. Many women look at me with curved necks and rolled eyes and say “my man has two hands, if I am not there he can cook, clean and do whatever he needs to do!” True. I agree; no job is held to one sex. No one has a duty as a man or a woman when it comes to household choirs – BUT there is a large fact that many women miss out on and by the time they have figured it out they have already caught their man red handed playing husband in the home of another woman. And what gets me is that most women want to pay victim – Please read my blog “What You Won’t do For Your Partner, Someone Else Will”. So the large fact that women tend to forget is this:
A MAN HAS TO FEEL LIKE A MAN IN HIS HOME!
Giving your man an apron while you sit on the couch and expect dinner is not allowing him to be a man. He won’t feel like the man of the household. This is not about him cooking; it is about making him feel like the King in his Kingdom just like he makes you feel like his Queen. Ladies if you have a good man what is the issue? Sometimes he needs to be and SHOULD be catered to. Now I am not saying that a man should not cater to his woman what I am saying is that women need to drop the act of “He has hands he can do it himself.” Because while you are making him do it his self another woman will be doing it for him! Do not get into the fear that “I am not going to wait on my man hand and foot” however you expect him to do that for you?
The relationship between a man and woman is 50/50. It should always be equal. Nevertheless all relationships are different- Me personally, I love an equal relationship however when I know cooking, cleaning, keeping the body tight, doing my hair the way he likes it, and doing whatever he loves will keep him happy I am definitely going to give in. This is not me being a “submissive woman” it is me being a good woman to a good man. A good man does not come around too often and many women take them for granted by missing the simple things. We dog our men so bad and give them horrible reputations however, just like a woman a good man just needs to be loved the RIGHT way. So between work and school make sure the other important aspects of your life are getting attention as well. Catering to your man/woman should never include you losing your individuality or who you are.
Too many women have been hurt so much and they take that pain and find themselves living in fear and caution of giving the right man all their love. You will never attain happiness when you love fearfully. The rate of fearful women seems to be increasing. There are not many women willing to cater to the needs of their men. Submissive? No…it’s called showing your love in limitless ways.
The Written words of AJT
Take Off Your Shoes
Untie Your Shoestrings
Take Off Your Cufflinks (Yeah)
What You Want To Eat Boo? (Yeah)
Let Me Feed You
Let Me Run Your Bathwater
Whatever You Desire, I'll Aspire
Sing You A Song
Turn The Game On
I'll Brush Your Hair
Help Put Your Do Rag On
Want A Foot Rub? (Yeah)
You Want A Manicure?
Baby I'm Yours I Want To Cater To You Boy”
Now that is what you call catering to your man! However, would we call it submissive? Too many times we get definitions and acts towards our relationships confused. The definition of submissive is – “ready to conform to the authority or will of others; obedient, passive.”
So now that we are good on the definition of submissive would you say that the song lyrics to Destiny’s Child’s “Cater To You” are submissive? Many that I questioned said yes they are-- well I beg to differ. To me, the song is about a woman who is pleasing her man and not by AUTHORITY but out of love and respect for what he does for her. So again does this song sound submissive?
A few men, once I interviewed them on the subject, said they want their woman to be submissive in some ways however too much submission is overwhelming. What? You see this is where I come to scratch my head and pause while I am writing this blog so here it is _____________.
Men want a woman who is not running the streets, has not been around the block too much, someone they can bring home to Mom, someone who can cook, clean, wash their clothes and be their better half right? But now you tell me that when a woman does these things too often it is too much for you to handle?
I understand that back in the day women were far more submissive than they are today. Over the decades society has given women more freedom and therefore they are more business prone than “cook, clean, wash clothes” prone. Not every woman knows how to cook as most did centuries ago. Not all women enjoy cleaning and washing their men’s clothes. Some women rather work long hours and expect a warm meal on the table when they get home from their MAN! So yes, times have changed and so have circumstances. BUT, I feel that women allow this to get to their heads sometimes. Working is amazing, getting an education is amazing! However, when you have a good man at home do not forget to keep him happy. Do not let your success and job leave you in bed lonely. Many women look at me with curved necks and rolled eyes and say “my man has two hands, if I am not there he can cook, clean and do whatever he needs to do!” True. I agree; no job is held to one sex. No one has a duty as a man or a woman when it comes to household choirs – BUT there is a large fact that many women miss out on and by the time they have figured it out they have already caught their man red handed playing husband in the home of another woman. And what gets me is that most women want to pay victim – Please read my blog “What You Won’t do For Your Partner, Someone Else Will”. So the large fact that women tend to forget is this:
A MAN HAS TO FEEL LIKE A MAN IN HIS HOME!
Giving your man an apron while you sit on the couch and expect dinner is not allowing him to be a man. He won’t feel like the man of the household. This is not about him cooking; it is about making him feel like the King in his Kingdom just like he makes you feel like his Queen. Ladies if you have a good man what is the issue? Sometimes he needs to be and SHOULD be catered to. Now I am not saying that a man should not cater to his woman what I am saying is that women need to drop the act of “He has hands he can do it himself.” Because while you are making him do it his self another woman will be doing it for him! Do not get into the fear that “I am not going to wait on my man hand and foot” however you expect him to do that for you?
The relationship between a man and woman is 50/50. It should always be equal. Nevertheless all relationships are different- Me personally, I love an equal relationship however when I know cooking, cleaning, keeping the body tight, doing my hair the way he likes it, and doing whatever he loves will keep him happy I am definitely going to give in. This is not me being a “submissive woman” it is me being a good woman to a good man. A good man does not come around too often and many women take them for granted by missing the simple things. We dog our men so bad and give them horrible reputations however, just like a woman a good man just needs to be loved the RIGHT way. So between work and school make sure the other important aspects of your life are getting attention as well. Catering to your man/woman should never include you losing your individuality or who you are.
Too many women have been hurt so much and they take that pain and find themselves living in fear and caution of giving the right man all their love. You will never attain happiness when you love fearfully. The rate of fearful women seems to be increasing. There are not many women willing to cater to the needs of their men. Submissive? No…it’s called showing your love in limitless ways.
The Written words of AJT
Sunday 2 October 2011
"Men Say: I take the Ambitious Girl Over Big Booty Jobless Judy"
What is one of the biggest turn offs known to man/woman when it comes to finding that special one?
UNEMPLOYMENT.
Everyone, men and women, would like a little bit of security when it comes to being in a relationship. That security does not mean that they want to milk you for all you are worth, but it just means that you can hold your own. Men want a woman who is independent but in the same sense allows him to maintain his masculinity and pay for meals, buy her nice gift etc. Still, a decent man will not object to the fact that every once in a while it would be nice for the lady to pay for a date. This does not mean the man is cheap and ladies please do not see it this way. When a man feels that occasionally the woman should pick up the bill is a PLUS. Yes you heard me right. The man is basically showing you how he does not see you as inferior to him just because you are a woman instead he sees you as an equal in the relationship. This is how it should be. I love being able to occasionally pay for the meal when my love and I go out. Every once in a while a man needs to be treated by his woman as well. Men who feel they are obligated to pay at every date or outing can be showing a small sign of insecurity. They feel that it’s the “man’s job” to come out the pocket. Not really folks. It is no ones “job” nor obligation.
I know that with the economy etc. there are reasons for the rate of unemployed women and men however that is not a legitimate excuse to be unemployed for years to come. There is a difference between an individual who is trying and one who is playing the blame game --- “ Its society’s fault that I am jobless, homeless and unstable” Stay away from those individuals! People who are full of excuses can’t possibly know what it means to be in a true relationship. Every time they are late, every time they lie, every action that is not to your liking will come with an excuse. WASTE OF TIME!
I see too often people making excuses for someone they are dating who have been jobless for years. As I said, I do understand circumstance however before I go jobless I will be out there flipping burgers to keep food on my family’s table and to be able to take my significant other on a nice date. Most importantly, to ensure that my loved one does not feel overwhelmed by the bills and other financial duties. Having a job works out best and being secure in yourself means that you would go find a job and not ever come to think that you are too good for the job being offered. Money is money! I had a girlfriend whose man was turning down every job because he felt he was “qualified” for a higher position. This man turned down every restaurant, bank teller, and mall position because he felt he should have been handed a managerial job right on the spot! Not to mention they had a child to look after and college tuition debt to be paid. My girlfriend was doing it all alone. Of course if I was her I may have had one foot out the door to scare him into taking a position. Or do you feel that love over powers all? Maybe if the case was that the man had just became unemployed and was actually trying to change that circumstance. The issue is, this man has been this way during the whole relationship. It would have been different if he actually came in with a job but on the contrary he was not working the whole four years that they had been together. The financial obligations were hung over the head of my girlfriend from the beginning.
Men you are no different. I know plenty of guys out there who stay with women who have no jobs because they love the way she looks. Big Booty Judies hardly have to work a 9-5. As long as they are pleasing their men and being the fine trophy girlfriend he needs her to be then all is well. Still, after asking some men would they want their girlfriends to work one man replied “Here’s the thing, I do not want a gold digger and if she is not working that means she expects me to pay her bills, get her nails and hair done and trust me I do not mind doing all that for my lady but after a while I may find a Ms. Independent with some ambition and a lot more to offer than a body like buffy. The body fades but that ambition is everlasting. There is nothing like a woman working hard for her own trying to get to the top. I hate women who just want things handed to them. ” Many other men agreed that an ambitious women trying to make it to the top is far more sexier than a jobless big booty Judy. Hmmmm makes you think huh ladies?
The point is you want someone who is trying to do better for them and for the sake of your relationship. Money is not everything and that is not what this blog is insisting; however it is insisting that weight needs to be pulled both ways. Ladies, it does not make you a gold digger to have a qualification that you do not date jobless men. Men, it does not make you a moocher to have a qualification that you do not date jobless women. I do not care who is bringing home more bacon but what I do care about is that I am not bending over backwards working while my man is sitting on the couch eating fruit loops on an annual basis!
The Written Words of AJT
UNEMPLOYMENT.
Everyone, men and women, would like a little bit of security when it comes to being in a relationship. That security does not mean that they want to milk you for all you are worth, but it just means that you can hold your own. Men want a woman who is independent but in the same sense allows him to maintain his masculinity and pay for meals, buy her nice gift etc. Still, a decent man will not object to the fact that every once in a while it would be nice for the lady to pay for a date. This does not mean the man is cheap and ladies please do not see it this way. When a man feels that occasionally the woman should pick up the bill is a PLUS. Yes you heard me right. The man is basically showing you how he does not see you as inferior to him just because you are a woman instead he sees you as an equal in the relationship. This is how it should be. I love being able to occasionally pay for the meal when my love and I go out. Every once in a while a man needs to be treated by his woman as well. Men who feel they are obligated to pay at every date or outing can be showing a small sign of insecurity. They feel that it’s the “man’s job” to come out the pocket. Not really folks. It is no ones “job” nor obligation.
I know that with the economy etc. there are reasons for the rate of unemployed women and men however that is not a legitimate excuse to be unemployed for years to come. There is a difference between an individual who is trying and one who is playing the blame game --- “ Its society’s fault that I am jobless, homeless and unstable” Stay away from those individuals! People who are full of excuses can’t possibly know what it means to be in a true relationship. Every time they are late, every time they lie, every action that is not to your liking will come with an excuse. WASTE OF TIME!
I see too often people making excuses for someone they are dating who have been jobless for years. As I said, I do understand circumstance however before I go jobless I will be out there flipping burgers to keep food on my family’s table and to be able to take my significant other on a nice date. Most importantly, to ensure that my loved one does not feel overwhelmed by the bills and other financial duties. Having a job works out best and being secure in yourself means that you would go find a job and not ever come to think that you are too good for the job being offered. Money is money! I had a girlfriend whose man was turning down every job because he felt he was “qualified” for a higher position. This man turned down every restaurant, bank teller, and mall position because he felt he should have been handed a managerial job right on the spot! Not to mention they had a child to look after and college tuition debt to be paid. My girlfriend was doing it all alone. Of course if I was her I may have had one foot out the door to scare him into taking a position. Or do you feel that love over powers all? Maybe if the case was that the man had just became unemployed and was actually trying to change that circumstance. The issue is, this man has been this way during the whole relationship. It would have been different if he actually came in with a job but on the contrary he was not working the whole four years that they had been together. The financial obligations were hung over the head of my girlfriend from the beginning.
Men you are no different. I know plenty of guys out there who stay with women who have no jobs because they love the way she looks. Big Booty Judies hardly have to work a 9-5. As long as they are pleasing their men and being the fine trophy girlfriend he needs her to be then all is well. Still, after asking some men would they want their girlfriends to work one man replied “Here’s the thing, I do not want a gold digger and if she is not working that means she expects me to pay her bills, get her nails and hair done and trust me I do not mind doing all that for my lady but after a while I may find a Ms. Independent with some ambition and a lot more to offer than a body like buffy. The body fades but that ambition is everlasting. There is nothing like a woman working hard for her own trying to get to the top. I hate women who just want things handed to them. ” Many other men agreed that an ambitious women trying to make it to the top is far more sexier than a jobless big booty Judy. Hmmmm makes you think huh ladies?
The point is you want someone who is trying to do better for them and for the sake of your relationship. Money is not everything and that is not what this blog is insisting; however it is insisting that weight needs to be pulled both ways. Ladies, it does not make you a gold digger to have a qualification that you do not date jobless men. Men, it does not make you a moocher to have a qualification that you do not date jobless women. I do not care who is bringing home more bacon but what I do care about is that I am not bending over backwards working while my man is sitting on the couch eating fruit loops on an annual basis!
The Written Words of AJT
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