Sex. It makes the relationship more intense, more eloquent and it has the ability to draw individuals closer physically and spiritually. At least, that is the more poetic side of it. A less formal summation would include the fact that it is pleasurable, exotic and, if its good, draws our attraction for our partners in a more dominate way. We all like to think that when we first start dating an individual they are not thinking about sex, they just “want to get to know us”. True, however sex is still on the mind. When we are attracted to an individual of course we think about sex. We wonder how good they are, ladies wonder how “gifted and blessed” he is and men wonder “how tight or loose” she is. We size up individuals in a physical manner taking into account their physical attributes.
I remember having a conversation with my girlfriend a while back and we were talking about her first impressions of the guy she is dating. She stated, “When he picked me up for dinner girl I had to rush upstairs to change my panties. All I can think of was his strong arms and masculine hands undressing me. You can tell he worked out too!” Let me remind you this was the first date after she met him in the dairy section of the grocery store. So much for believing that men are the only ones who think of sex on a daily basis. Nope! Us women contemplate on getting some action too, especially when we have not had any in a while and our lace panties collect cobwebs as we start grabbing for the Hanes “grandma panties”. It gets redundant. So when a good fine looking man knocks at our door you better believe that we want the dinner to go by fast so we can invite him in afterwards.
However, what struck my friend about this man was that while they were having dinner he confessed that he was celibate and has been for the past 4 years. 4 years of no sex. Whewwwww!! I cannot understand how he does it or how anyone for that matter can position his or her mentality to go without. Still, there are many individuals out there who are celibate. To my friends disappointment she had the choice of either continually dating this man or walking out because the pleasure and satisfaction towards their intimate relationship would not exist: or so she thought. He explained that being celibate meant that he was abstinent of sexual intercourse however not of intimacy. That makes sense. Usually when we hear that someone is celibate we immediately believe that it means NO SEX, NO TOUCHING, NO KISSING, NO LOVE.
I can start this paragraph by going into the subject of “there are other ways to make up for the lack of sex in the relationship.” But really, are there? Lack of sexual intercourse is just that- LACK of sexual intercourse. There is no penetration, no fulfillment, no mind blowing, body trenching, out of your mind SEX! So how can you make up for the lack of something so thrilling? Just think, even if we say – there are alternate options that do not involve intercourse that can fulfill the urge- do we really mean this statement? To me, other ways to fulfill the urge are basically actions of foreplay. They are teasing the body and getting the body prepared to begin the fulfilling act of sexual satisfaction. So basically these other acts that can make up for the lack of sex are acts of foreplay. Who wants foreplay with no sex? That’s like starting the engine but not taking it for the ride. It’s a tease and it can leave a man in pain (blue balls) and can leave a lady leaving the mans home sexually unsatisfied and rushing home for her toys stored in the back closet. No one is pleased here.
Do not misunderstand me; I am not saying that celibate individuals cannot partake in relationships with non-celibate individuals. However, it would not be an easy journey. It’s not just about the pleasure of sex but it is also about that possible connection being made with someone you love. That connection during sex brings two individuals closer which is why I can understand why many choose the religious route of celibacy and wait it off until the alter has been met and vows have been stated. Makes sense. And more power to the individuals who are able to wait it out all in the sake of love and religious faith.
Having a relationship with a celibate individual is possible. Just understand what long nights are ahead with the pillow grasping its way between your legs. But still, I am a strong optimist of love and I have seen many couples survive the “drought”. What’s your thought on the subject? Can you ever date a celibate individual?
The written words of AJT
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