Does it really take one to know one?
When it comes to relationships, or the lack of stability in a relationship, does it take a cheater to spot a cheater? Does it not seem as though the naïve ones are the ones who are predominantly good, loving, caring and faithful to their partners? Are the only ones capable of knowing when their spouse/lover/partner is cheating are the ones who have found themselves caught in the act in the past? I wonder, because I see so many of the sweet, kind, “I will never cheat on my love” partners getting themselves in situations where the proof is starring them straight in the face but because of their lack of experience towards the matter they blame it on their “insecurities” while they continually are deceived. But then you have the “ex-players” who know the game so well that if their partner forgets to put on a sock they are calling them out on mistrust. So I ask again: does it take one to know one? Can you spot a cheater when you yourself have never experienced the act of cheating or the act of being cheated on? Is this the reason for the naivety?
You want to know why the non-cheater is likely to put up with the cheater’s excuses? Because they do not know how to tell the difference between someone lying to their face, and someone actually meaning they will do better. Now put an ex cheater in the same position and they have a keen sense towards the game therefore the excuses, lies and “baby please I’m sorry” won’t go too far with them.
I wrote this blog because many of you are living in this naïve state of mind. This does not only come into play towards unfaithfulness but also trust. You can definitely correlate your inexperience of being cheating on to being inexperienced towards relationships. I find that there is a trend in my naïve beings: None of them have ever held a steady, real, true relationship therefore when they finally get into one they become TOO submissive- meaning anything and everything their partner says or does is on the realm of gold. They believe their partners to do no wrong, say no wrong and mean no harm. So in a situation where they feel the trust is being tested they will mentally runaway from it and label it as “insecurity” on their part. What is that doing?
THE NUMBER ONE ACTION OF A NAÏVE INDIVIDUAL IS THEIR CONSTANT NEED TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR THEIR FOUL LOVER.
The excuses include but are not limited to -----
“They were having a rough time and I wasn’t there”
“They didn’t come onto the person the person came on to them”
“They said they were sorry and they meant it”
**Or the big one…
“Maybe if I had…”
Quit blaming yourself for someone else’s shortcomings!
So to my naïve souls who continuously get cheated on, forgive and find themselves being played for a fool ONCE AGAIN!! Here are my tips for you:
1. If it happened once and you choose to forgive. Okay fine. If it happens twice and you choose to forgive…Umm okay…BUT If it happens again!!! And you choose to forgive guess what NAIVEEEEEE! STOP. THINK AND LEAVE!
2. If they continue to disrespect you and ignore your feelings of being belittled on a continual basis then guess what? They are taking advantage of you and they do not care about your feelings. STOP. THINK AND LEAVE.
3. If you are tired of hearing “sorry” after every infidelity, after every harsh word and after every time you catch them in the act of their lies and games well guess what. STOP THINK AND LEAVE.
I have said this time and time again – a person will only do what you allow them to do so if you find yourself constantly being deceived well guess what STOP, LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SAY THANKYOU because the hard truth is you have no one to blame but yourself. You kept yourself in the situation so long that your partner felt that what they were doing to you was fine because you would never have the will or intentions to leave no matter how much they disrespected you.
Well it’s time to start a new trend. PACK A BAG and see what it does to them then. Better yet PACK A BAG AND LEAVE! And do not come back. Let them know you mean business and when I say don’t go back I MEAN DON’T GO BACK. Because if they thought so low of you before then they obviously did not know your worth and therefore are not deserving of the love you have to give.
So let go of naivety and foolishness and remember – they fool you once shame on them, they fool you twice shame on YOU!
The written words of AJT
3 comments:
I really could relate to this blog so many times I have found myself being so submissive to a man for the sake of being in a relationship so it could lead to marriage that is why I am ln my second divorce at 23 not knowing my self-worth and settling and taking everything. I just ended a relationship because I show myself doing the same thing again. I had to put foot down and learn to open my mouth and realize I am way to beautiful and smart to just take the abuse
Mz.JAY!!! You are amazing!! Look at you!! A young woman fully aware of her worth. There is nothing that can compare to what lies ahead for you. And it is okay to have a past because you learned from it. You are young and there is so much more coming your way! This is a new beginning. =) Cherish it! -AJT
I really really like this Blog Anne that you have placed. When I do speak,I speak from experience. Most relationships that are of today are based on finding a true match. What I mean by this is: In the past relationships which everyone of us has a past relationship that may have taught us a lesson or in the present teaching a lesson. In my case I was taught a lesson. I realized that the chain of trying to change a man,or giving a man what he wants,doing what he tells me to do scared of loosing him, don't want to speak up for myself because he would cut me off by saying I don't feel like talking about that right now , and the list goes on and on. Those that I have mention caused me to realize in the end that it's not all about him. Then it may be the opposite its not all about just her. Yes you can tell a cheater if you are a cheater, true question: can someone that Cheats be able to tell when a man or women really does love you and desires only you? My love had been hurt so much from his past relationship that they just did tit for tat both of them instead of moving on they continued to lie and cheat on each other so much it became part of him and cheating was the name of his game he didn't care who got hurt but it wasn't gonna be him,so he thought. Long story short and to the point when him and I met because I first made it known that I am a gift from God and I don't have to have a man to complete me but its good always to have someone to share your days with as long as you respect each other in every way. I first put God and then my children and then the man. I allowed him to see that I also have a past but the past helped me to call a spade a spade and jack a jack. It was really hard for him to receive me because I was new to him, but a challenge. Ladies you don't let the man challenge you, that is a NO NO! A man wants a women who knows herself and truly loves herself because no matter what you all go through you have to show him that he can mess up if he wants but you do not have to accept just anything. Yes like Anne said you have to know your worth live the example.My love finds me hard to believe because a women who is beautiful inside and out can have another man if I choose to but I choose to wait for him, no matter how long it takes for him to come home. Its hard to be with a man that has been scorned and in a lot of cases even a women but in all things it takes God #1,time, love can over come a lot of things, a lot of hurt, and most important Patience is the key.True love has to taken serious and understanding each other. No excuses.
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