Intuition can make or break a relationship. Our feelings and thoughts that intuition can produce can lead us to taking risky assumptions of the person we are with or the relationship as a whole. But as we are all familiar with the proverb “Follow your intuition” can our intuitions sometimes be misleading? When a negative feeling strikes towards our relationship should we immediately act upon it because it is “our intuition trying to tell us something”? Sometimes those intuitions can evolve because negativity clouds our thoughts. When this happens it is quite possible that we shield those thoughts and subconsciously believes them to be “females/males intuition.”
The problem with intuition is that it is often hard to distinguish being “too suspicious for absolutely nothing”, and “my intuition never lies”. For example, you believe your significant other is cheating because you are getting these feelings and thoughts in your head and you believe that they are not there for nothing. However, sometimes they are. Your love may not be giving you any reasons to feel the way you do. They are constantly showing you love, appreciation and all the qualities of a trusting person however you continue to feed into those intuitions and accuse them of doing things that they have never had intentions of doing.
When negative thoughts arise they have the ability to cloud the judgments we have of our significant others and cause tension in the relationship. You are trying to figure out why you cannot trust them and they are trying to figure out what they are doing wrong to make you feel you cannot trust them. It begins a chain reaction of your loved one feeling as though they are not good enough when they are the best you ever had. Never make a good man/woman feel down about how they are loving you when they are giving you all the love they are capable of giving. Do not allow your negative thoughts to cause you to lose one of the best things that has ever happened to you.
So I know you are wondering when is the intuition real and not evolving from negative thinking? Easy answer- when your significant other is giving you reasons to believe that something is going on. It seems cliché but it is the truth. How can you excuse someone of dishonesty when they are not portraying any actions leading to that dishonesty? Once your loves’ routines, actions towards you, emotional distance and carelessness becomes evident then you can wonder if you should have something to worry about. However, if the love has not changed, and they are continually being true to their word and the relationship, do not allow your thoughts to poison a solid union.
It is important to control our thoughts. Figure out why these thoughts are coming about. Maybe you have never been in such a great relationship or had such an amazing love and the “it is too good to be true” thought begins to give way to your negative thinking. That comes into knowing what you deserve. You should know that you deserve a true love and that true love does exist. Get over thoughts that love never plays out to be a wonderful thing because believe me it does. You do not want to be the one in the relationship causing the dysfunctions and arguments. That does not make the relationship strong but it will pull you both apart and cause discomfort to the one you love.
Stop relying on intuition to justify your negativity. When we grow in our relationships we grow in ourselves as well. We learn what thoughts to have and which ones to let go of. Enjoying our love, living off positive feelings and taking advantage of a love we deserve is dependent on ourselves. Its up to you if you want to let love take you to places you have never been emotionally and mentally. However, it is also up to you if you want to allow negativity to take away the possibility of feeling and knowing a real love. Our thoughts can be so misleading and that is when we have to step out and act upon knowledge and familiarization of whom it is we are loving. If we give more attention to the negative mindset it will become powerful and it will rule your actions. Do not give these thoughts room to play a part in your relationship or your life.
The Written Words Of AJT
Sunday 31 July 2011
Wednesday 27 July 2011
"Sweeping Out Skeletons, Cleaning Up For Love!"
When can we differentiate a well-kept secret and a secret that just has to be told? Does the seriousness of secrets come in different levels? When in committed relationships what kind of secret is just too important to hold from our significant others?
Our pasts are full of details regarding what we have done, whom we have been with and the activities that we were involved in. Most of these details we are hesitant in sharing with someone we plan on spending a lifetime with because of the risks involved. We do not keep these secrets to harm the one we love but we see it as “what happened in the past, who I was in the past and what I did then has nothing to do with who I am now and how I am loving you.” That is a true statement. As we grow, we change and subconsciously we tend to forget who we were then because our mindsets changed as well. However, are we not suppose to be honest with our loved one? It is natural to want to know everything about the person we love. We are in love with the person they are now but knowing their childhood, their family, the place they grew up, how they grew up and those fun, mysterious stories that we all have, makes that love stronger because we feel more connected to their life. Not just the present but also the past.
Still, I can understand when individuals feel the need to hide certain aspects of their life. Let’s not play as if we do not have skeletons in the closet. We all have embarrassing actions or moments that we never want to re live, and talking about it may simply bring back too many memories. Therefore we bottle it up and forget about it and NEVER tell our significant others. But, in love, when you find someone who you plan on spending your life with why wouldn’t you want to relieve yourself of those skeletons. Get them out of the closet! If you know the individual you are in love with, which you should, then telling those things about the past that you have been holding in for so long may be a great way to vent as well as a great way to find out if the love is real. There are many individuals who cannot handle a secret. Opening up to them about your past can backfire on you because they may feel that your past actions are too much to handle. Unfortunately, it may blur their perspective of you. But let me ask this: if they love you NOW, if they TRULY love you, will they judge you because you had so many sex partners BACK THEN, or that you experimented a little BACK THEN, or that you used to live a “hard to approve” lifestyle BACK THEN? If they judge the love they have for you off your actions and life before you met them that only shows their dishonesty towards loving you. You cannot fault a person for a past but you should love and admire them more for getting through it, getting over it, and growing from it.
Some pasts hold darker secrets. These secrets were more hurtful towards us, our lives and the way we live. I know that they are masked for reasons that we feel no one can understand. The trials we endure in life can be so over bearing that those secrets are unable to leave our tongues. But there are ways that keeping secrets can hold you back from giving someone you love all the love that they deserve. Without realizing it, we can be blaming our partners for the pain we endured in the past. We may not scream and yell and tell them “it’s all your fault!” but through our actions we are penalizing them. They do not know why you will not open up to them. They do not know why you are so afraid to say, “I love you”. They do not know why you are so afraid to share intimacy with them. They do not know why you hesitate on certain actions or why you rather not be seen at certain places. All of the reasons involved in our actions mostly form from a past experience. If you plan on spending your life with this individual don’t they deserve an explanation for not getting the love and full honestly from someone they plan on spending life with?
There is selfishness in holding secrets because half the time we do not notice the skeletons that hold us back from real love and pure satisfaction. We deprive our significant other of feeling all of our love because our past is trapping us. Secrets are holding us back. And if you love that individual you will not want secrets between you two and feeling that guilt can break you down inside.
Not until you are sure of the love you share with someone should you release these well kept secrets. Be sure that they are worth knowing what is it is you need to tell them. Be positive that the love is worth the release of those skeletons. One thing I can guarantee- once you open up to someone you love you will not feel that guilt, that pain or that hurt anymore because if it is real love you will feel a sense of comfort, joy and happiness. That joy and happiness comes from knowing that someone loves you despite who you were, what you have done, and what you have gone through. And if you are really lucky, they will love you more because you trusted them enough to share something so precious with them.
- Written Words Of AJT
Our pasts are full of details regarding what we have done, whom we have been with and the activities that we were involved in. Most of these details we are hesitant in sharing with someone we plan on spending a lifetime with because of the risks involved. We do not keep these secrets to harm the one we love but we see it as “what happened in the past, who I was in the past and what I did then has nothing to do with who I am now and how I am loving you.” That is a true statement. As we grow, we change and subconsciously we tend to forget who we were then because our mindsets changed as well. However, are we not suppose to be honest with our loved one? It is natural to want to know everything about the person we love. We are in love with the person they are now but knowing their childhood, their family, the place they grew up, how they grew up and those fun, mysterious stories that we all have, makes that love stronger because we feel more connected to their life. Not just the present but also the past.
Still, I can understand when individuals feel the need to hide certain aspects of their life. Let’s not play as if we do not have skeletons in the closet. We all have embarrassing actions or moments that we never want to re live, and talking about it may simply bring back too many memories. Therefore we bottle it up and forget about it and NEVER tell our significant others. But, in love, when you find someone who you plan on spending your life with why wouldn’t you want to relieve yourself of those skeletons. Get them out of the closet! If you know the individual you are in love with, which you should, then telling those things about the past that you have been holding in for so long may be a great way to vent as well as a great way to find out if the love is real. There are many individuals who cannot handle a secret. Opening up to them about your past can backfire on you because they may feel that your past actions are too much to handle. Unfortunately, it may blur their perspective of you. But let me ask this: if they love you NOW, if they TRULY love you, will they judge you because you had so many sex partners BACK THEN, or that you experimented a little BACK THEN, or that you used to live a “hard to approve” lifestyle BACK THEN? If they judge the love they have for you off your actions and life before you met them that only shows their dishonesty towards loving you. You cannot fault a person for a past but you should love and admire them more for getting through it, getting over it, and growing from it.
Some pasts hold darker secrets. These secrets were more hurtful towards us, our lives and the way we live. I know that they are masked for reasons that we feel no one can understand. The trials we endure in life can be so over bearing that those secrets are unable to leave our tongues. But there are ways that keeping secrets can hold you back from giving someone you love all the love that they deserve. Without realizing it, we can be blaming our partners for the pain we endured in the past. We may not scream and yell and tell them “it’s all your fault!” but through our actions we are penalizing them. They do not know why you will not open up to them. They do not know why you are so afraid to say, “I love you”. They do not know why you are so afraid to share intimacy with them. They do not know why you hesitate on certain actions or why you rather not be seen at certain places. All of the reasons involved in our actions mostly form from a past experience. If you plan on spending your life with this individual don’t they deserve an explanation for not getting the love and full honestly from someone they plan on spending life with?
There is selfishness in holding secrets because half the time we do not notice the skeletons that hold us back from real love and pure satisfaction. We deprive our significant other of feeling all of our love because our past is trapping us. Secrets are holding us back. And if you love that individual you will not want secrets between you two and feeling that guilt can break you down inside.
Not until you are sure of the love you share with someone should you release these well kept secrets. Be sure that they are worth knowing what is it is you need to tell them. Be positive that the love is worth the release of those skeletons. One thing I can guarantee- once you open up to someone you love you will not feel that guilt, that pain or that hurt anymore because if it is real love you will feel a sense of comfort, joy and happiness. That joy and happiness comes from knowing that someone loves you despite who you were, what you have done, and what you have gone through. And if you are really lucky, they will love you more because you trusted them enough to share something so precious with them.
- Written Words Of AJT
Sunday 24 July 2011
" The Older The Berry The Sweeter The Love? "
Why does the common belief stand that dating older means dating better? Will dating older take away the likeliness of those basic relationship issues (cheating, trust, respect, tolerance) How can it be true that a 40 year old would be less likely to hurt you or cause you pain because they are “more mature” and understanding than a 22 year old is? The level of maturity does not depend on age, it depends on when the want of growth kicks in for that individual and for some it can take a very long time! Never put age above character on your scale of standards because you surely will be fooling yourself. They say wisdom comes with age but maturity can very much so lack at any given stage of life.
I know everyone has that one individual in their family who tries to relive their young days and still acts like they are the players of all pimps! You may still have that uncle who tries to hit on all your friends or that promiscuous aunt who loves smacking your boys’ behinds! So the believe is that if we took our perverted uncle and promiscuous aunt and matched them up with 24 year olds the maturity of the relationship would be greater even if we take into consider their actions? No! Age does not matter. There are 50 year olds still playing the field so do not be fooled by the decades they have been living on earth!
Ladies you are good for believing that older men are the way to go. News flash -- some men take advantage of your youth and in most situations they succeed at doing just that. You believe everything the man is telling you because he is older, has a good income coming in, takes care of you financially, picks you up In a nice car and we become blinded. That old age and older masculinity leads us to believing that he is not about games because he is older and more experienced. Thinking this can get us caught up and the worse thing about it is when an older man is cheating we never call them out on it as we would with a man who is our age or younger. The fear of leaving all the riches and the so called “luxury” of walking around with an older looking man traps our minds into believing that we are leaving something too good. Not at all! And it is possible that a younger individual who is your age can help you grow just as much as the older man does. It depends how you pick them and how firm you are in laying your expectations. You are more likely to be fooled by an older person than a young one because when we date older individuals we automatically believe “he/she will not hurt me because their age exceeds those actions” and that alone sets you up for failure because what you do not want to believe you will never allow yourself to see.
On the contrary, there are some older individuals who are past the immature stages and are actually looking to settle down. When we choose to partake in a relationship of this sort we have to be sure that we are ready to let go of all childish tendencies. Being in your twenties dating individuals in their forties has its ups but it also has its downs. The relationship can cause us to grow up too fast and experience different activities that we would not experience with someone our own age. The individual you are dating who is older than you will expect more maturity from you and at times being so young you may not be able to provide that without guidance and help from your partner. Its not easy being with someone who you fill is constantly teaching you rather than loving you.
Being with someone your own age can allow more growth because, in a sense, you two are growing together therefore the lessons are constantly being shared among both of you. I understand that sometimes when we date men/women our age or younger there are immature tendencies that we wish we did not have to deal with however, what makes us believe that someone 40 or older will not have immature tendencies? Do men/women of older age not cheat, lie, and show untrustworthy characteristics? As humans we are prone to faulty choices and habits. That is not based off age it is based off being a human being.
Fooling ourselves into believing “if I date this older individual my relationship is sure to last” is a bold statement to have faith in. A successful relationship comes from picking an individual who wants the same results as you. That trait does not come with age but it comes with that person’s characteristics and wants. I myself have met very mature men and women at the age of 19 who’s aspirations and standards of dating exceed those of a 48 year old man/ woman! Mentality is more vital than the longevity of life. The success of love ignores age and feasts off maturity, knowledge, expectations and wants from a person of ANY age.
Written words of AJT
I know everyone has that one individual in their family who tries to relive their young days and still acts like they are the players of all pimps! You may still have that uncle who tries to hit on all your friends or that promiscuous aunt who loves smacking your boys’ behinds! So the believe is that if we took our perverted uncle and promiscuous aunt and matched them up with 24 year olds the maturity of the relationship would be greater even if we take into consider their actions? No! Age does not matter. There are 50 year olds still playing the field so do not be fooled by the decades they have been living on earth!
Ladies you are good for believing that older men are the way to go. News flash -- some men take advantage of your youth and in most situations they succeed at doing just that. You believe everything the man is telling you because he is older, has a good income coming in, takes care of you financially, picks you up In a nice car and we become blinded. That old age and older masculinity leads us to believing that he is not about games because he is older and more experienced. Thinking this can get us caught up and the worse thing about it is when an older man is cheating we never call them out on it as we would with a man who is our age or younger. The fear of leaving all the riches and the so called “luxury” of walking around with an older looking man traps our minds into believing that we are leaving something too good. Not at all! And it is possible that a younger individual who is your age can help you grow just as much as the older man does. It depends how you pick them and how firm you are in laying your expectations. You are more likely to be fooled by an older person than a young one because when we date older individuals we automatically believe “he/she will not hurt me because their age exceeds those actions” and that alone sets you up for failure because what you do not want to believe you will never allow yourself to see.
On the contrary, there are some older individuals who are past the immature stages and are actually looking to settle down. When we choose to partake in a relationship of this sort we have to be sure that we are ready to let go of all childish tendencies. Being in your twenties dating individuals in their forties has its ups but it also has its downs. The relationship can cause us to grow up too fast and experience different activities that we would not experience with someone our own age. The individual you are dating who is older than you will expect more maturity from you and at times being so young you may not be able to provide that without guidance and help from your partner. Its not easy being with someone who you fill is constantly teaching you rather than loving you.
Being with someone your own age can allow more growth because, in a sense, you two are growing together therefore the lessons are constantly being shared among both of you. I understand that sometimes when we date men/women our age or younger there are immature tendencies that we wish we did not have to deal with however, what makes us believe that someone 40 or older will not have immature tendencies? Do men/women of older age not cheat, lie, and show untrustworthy characteristics? As humans we are prone to faulty choices and habits. That is not based off age it is based off being a human being.
Fooling ourselves into believing “if I date this older individual my relationship is sure to last” is a bold statement to have faith in. A successful relationship comes from picking an individual who wants the same results as you. That trait does not come with age but it comes with that person’s characteristics and wants. I myself have met very mature men and women at the age of 19 who’s aspirations and standards of dating exceed those of a 48 year old man/ woman! Mentality is more vital than the longevity of life. The success of love ignores age and feasts off maturity, knowledge, expectations and wants from a person of ANY age.
Written words of AJT
Monday 18 July 2011
" Settling for Hearts Undeserving of Your Love "
The way you dress does affect the men/woman you attract. The way you speak does affect the men/woman you attract. The people you hang out with does influence the men/women you attract. You may think this is bogus but when you are walking down the street and you see an individual that you are attracted to, you are attracted to them by their poise, the way they are carrying themselves and what they look like. I received so many questions this week basically asking "why do I keep attracting the same men/women?"
Why are men so surprised when the girl who hangs in the club all week, wears shorts up to her crotch, constantly has her nose in her phone, has a bad relationship with her family, with a mouth of a sailor, does them wrong? How can you be surprised at the turnout of a relationship with this type of woman? Do her actions and words give off the idea that she will be true to only you and has a sense of maturity towards relationships?
When you decide to be in a relationship with someone who cannot provide as much because their lifestyle or knowledge does not allow them to, you lower your standards and by doing this you will never attain true happiness within that relationship. Happiness comes when the desires have been satisfied. Lowering standards that you have kept for so long because someone you "like" cannot amount to them gives you an "it's okay" feeling but it does not bring you joy and satisfaction. Do not lower your standards instead grow in patience and faith that the right person will come along (because they will) and keep your love to yourself until that person comes into your life. Willingly giving our love to those who are not ready to handle it is a waste of time. Eventually the relationship will come to an end, and as most of us do, we will hold back in giving that love to the next person, who just might be THE ONE.
As women and men we need to stop placing personal infliction upon ourselves. Dating people we truly know cannot give us what we deserve only shows our lack of understanding our own worth. Settling is the worst-case scenario! There are too many people in the world for us to be settling for less. Why do we end up giving chances to someone who is not mature enough to handle the type of relationship we are searching for?
When reading people and deciding whether to go forward with the relationship there are qualities that you can see before you make that choice. For example, if a man has kids that he does not take care of how can you believe that he will take care of you? He does not respect nor help the mother of his children so please explain to me why you will be different? And the sad thing is that many women believe THEY ARE DIFFERENT. Time to open your eyes ladies! Think about it, would you want the father of your kids to put his girlfriend in front of the children? So why do you think you should come before his? Putting ourselves in opposite perspectives opens our eyes to more common sense doesn't it?
It is imperative that you know your worth because it enables you to never settle for less. Individuals who put themselves in situations where they are in relationships that bring no progress or happiness to their lives are lost in a challenge of finding their worth. You will run in circles putting up with things you know you should not have to put up with. Not everyone deserves your love. Kill the constant habit of settling for people who are too young in the heart to handle what you throw at them. Find someone more on your level. It is much easier balancing a relationship with someone who wants the same progression as you.
I know attracting the same people can get tiring but to be honest, this is based off of YOU. Take a second and think of the person you believe you should be attracting. That same individual you describe is the individual that you feel can supply your needs and fits to your worth. From this day forth, keep that description and do not settle for anyone below those qualities and I promise you, you will find that the ones you have dated in the past will not coincide to the ones you will date in the future. Set a standard and STICK TO IT!
The written words of AJT
Why are men so surprised when the girl who hangs in the club all week, wears shorts up to her crotch, constantly has her nose in her phone, has a bad relationship with her family, with a mouth of a sailor, does them wrong? How can you be surprised at the turnout of a relationship with this type of woman? Do her actions and words give off the idea that she will be true to only you and has a sense of maturity towards relationships?
When you decide to be in a relationship with someone who cannot provide as much because their lifestyle or knowledge does not allow them to, you lower your standards and by doing this you will never attain true happiness within that relationship. Happiness comes when the desires have been satisfied. Lowering standards that you have kept for so long because someone you "like" cannot amount to them gives you an "it's okay" feeling but it does not bring you joy and satisfaction. Do not lower your standards instead grow in patience and faith that the right person will come along (because they will) and keep your love to yourself until that person comes into your life. Willingly giving our love to those who are not ready to handle it is a waste of time. Eventually the relationship will come to an end, and as most of us do, we will hold back in giving that love to the next person, who just might be THE ONE.
As women and men we need to stop placing personal infliction upon ourselves. Dating people we truly know cannot give us what we deserve only shows our lack of understanding our own worth. Settling is the worst-case scenario! There are too many people in the world for us to be settling for less. Why do we end up giving chances to someone who is not mature enough to handle the type of relationship we are searching for?
When reading people and deciding whether to go forward with the relationship there are qualities that you can see before you make that choice. For example, if a man has kids that he does not take care of how can you believe that he will take care of you? He does not respect nor help the mother of his children so please explain to me why you will be different? And the sad thing is that many women believe THEY ARE DIFFERENT. Time to open your eyes ladies! Think about it, would you want the father of your kids to put his girlfriend in front of the children? So why do you think you should come before his? Putting ourselves in opposite perspectives opens our eyes to more common sense doesn't it?
It is imperative that you know your worth because it enables you to never settle for less. Individuals who put themselves in situations where they are in relationships that bring no progress or happiness to their lives are lost in a challenge of finding their worth. You will run in circles putting up with things you know you should not have to put up with. Not everyone deserves your love. Kill the constant habit of settling for people who are too young in the heart to handle what you throw at them. Find someone more on your level. It is much easier balancing a relationship with someone who wants the same progression as you.
I know attracting the same people can get tiring but to be honest, this is based off of YOU. Take a second and think of the person you believe you should be attracting. That same individual you describe is the individual that you feel can supply your needs and fits to your worth. From this day forth, keep that description and do not settle for anyone below those qualities and I promise you, you will find that the ones you have dated in the past will not coincide to the ones you will date in the future. Set a standard and STICK TO IT!
The written words of AJT
Wednesday 13 July 2011
" Who's Bringing Home The Bacon?"
The typical, cliché belief of society remains "Woman should be at home while the man brings home the bacon!" However, as the job force increases, women are filling significantly high positions and their salaries are increasingly higher than the men of the home. Is this a bad thing? Does it take away from the masculinity of man when he is not the head provider of the home? Should it even matter?
I am not leaning towards "a man should make more money than a woman" nor am I leaning towards "it does not matter; a woman has just as much right to make more money than a man." What I am leaning towards is that in a relationship it should not matter. If the two of you are building a future together then it should not matter where the financial stability is deriving from. At the end of the day it is going towards the foundation of a stable life being built by BOTH of you. There should be no competition or envy in love. Men- if your woman is making more money than you it should not make you feel insecure as a man, nor should it make you feel as if you have to do better than her. Appreciate her and what she is doing and pull your own weight in other areas. If she is working late why not have dinner waiting for HER when she gets home? There is no rule book of the "dos and don'ts " of being a man and a woman. A woman does not have to be the one slaving over a kitchen. Both parties should be able to play both roles. This keeps a healthy, steady balance between work and home. No matter what the circumstance or who is working late you should both be taking care of each other. Ladies- If your man is working late you should not be thinking "well I worked hard today too so I am just going to go to bed." You need to take care of your man just as he takes care of you.
Nowadays, jobs are hard to come by and you may be in a situation where you are the only one working. Financially supporting two people can be a struggle and is known to build a lot of tension in the relationship. However, not being able to find a job does not make you less of a man or less of a woman. There are others ways to make up for not being able to contribute financially. While your love is at work clean the house and make sure your home affairs are in order. Do the household errands. If your sweetheart has clothes that need to be cleaned, wash them and do the dry-cleaning. When your loved one comes home have dinner ready, have their newspaper ready, run their shower, have their clothes out for work in the morning ironed and pressed. Doing things like these becomes A JOB. And your significant other will recognize all that you do and appreciate you for that. Whether your sweetheart cannot find a job or whether you cannot find a job you have to make sure you are both supporting one another. In any relationship there will be hard times and struggles but it is important that those hard times teach both parties to be strong together and to support each other no matter how bad it may be.
So many couples today worry about who is going to be the bread winner and who is going to be the success story of the relationship, when in reality, the success story should be the relationship. Financial stability is not only a part of your life or their life but it becomes part of the relationship. Too many of us are being competitive with our partners when we need to be helping in any way we can. Getting a check is not the only way to be useful in a relationship. Not having a job does not make you a liability.
The roles of a man and women have evolved over the decades. Society has given us the means, women and men, to excel in the same positions. Therefore, we must clear our minds of jealousy towards our significant others and lean more towards supporting them and becoming a team, whether they are bread winners or home doers. It is okay for a woman to make more money; it is okay for a man to be at home in the kitchen and vice verse. If your love is based on the "ideal" role of a man and the "ideal" role of a woman then there will never be progression in the success of the relationship because where there is love, envy and competition does not exist. Where there is love two individuals are not comparing digits in their checks, and where there is love support is imperative no matter who is taking home the bacon, each party pulls their weight for the better of the relationship.
The Written Words of AJT
I am not leaning towards "a man should make more money than a woman" nor am I leaning towards "it does not matter; a woman has just as much right to make more money than a man." What I am leaning towards is that in a relationship it should not matter. If the two of you are building a future together then it should not matter where the financial stability is deriving from. At the end of the day it is going towards the foundation of a stable life being built by BOTH of you. There should be no competition or envy in love. Men- if your woman is making more money than you it should not make you feel insecure as a man, nor should it make you feel as if you have to do better than her. Appreciate her and what she is doing and pull your own weight in other areas. If she is working late why not have dinner waiting for HER when she gets home? There is no rule book of the "dos and don'ts " of being a man and a woman. A woman does not have to be the one slaving over a kitchen. Both parties should be able to play both roles. This keeps a healthy, steady balance between work and home. No matter what the circumstance or who is working late you should both be taking care of each other. Ladies- If your man is working late you should not be thinking "well I worked hard today too so I am just going to go to bed." You need to take care of your man just as he takes care of you.
Nowadays, jobs are hard to come by and you may be in a situation where you are the only one working. Financially supporting two people can be a struggle and is known to build a lot of tension in the relationship. However, not being able to find a job does not make you less of a man or less of a woman. There are others ways to make up for not being able to contribute financially. While your love is at work clean the house and make sure your home affairs are in order. Do the household errands. If your sweetheart has clothes that need to be cleaned, wash them and do the dry-cleaning. When your loved one comes home have dinner ready, have their newspaper ready, run their shower, have their clothes out for work in the morning ironed and pressed. Doing things like these becomes A JOB. And your significant other will recognize all that you do and appreciate you for that. Whether your sweetheart cannot find a job or whether you cannot find a job you have to make sure you are both supporting one another. In any relationship there will be hard times and struggles but it is important that those hard times teach both parties to be strong together and to support each other no matter how bad it may be.
So many couples today worry about who is going to be the bread winner and who is going to be the success story of the relationship, when in reality, the success story should be the relationship. Financial stability is not only a part of your life or their life but it becomes part of the relationship. Too many of us are being competitive with our partners when we need to be helping in any way we can. Getting a check is not the only way to be useful in a relationship. Not having a job does not make you a liability.
The roles of a man and women have evolved over the decades. Society has given us the means, women and men, to excel in the same positions. Therefore, we must clear our minds of jealousy towards our significant others and lean more towards supporting them and becoming a team, whether they are bread winners or home doers. It is okay for a woman to make more money; it is okay for a man to be at home in the kitchen and vice verse. If your love is based on the "ideal" role of a man and the "ideal" role of a woman then there will never be progression in the success of the relationship because where there is love, envy and competition does not exist. Where there is love two individuals are not comparing digits in their checks, and where there is love support is imperative no matter who is taking home the bacon, each party pulls their weight for the better of the relationship.
The Written Words of AJT
Sunday 10 July 2011
"Giving Up Them Goodies Too Soon"
We have all had that past relationship that went too far when it should have probably never began. We have past loves that we gave up the goodies to, and now looking back at it, we laugh at our mistake. It is good to laugh. However, now that we are older we know better. So when will we start to do better? We still find ourselves giving the goodies to the wrong one too soon.
The biggest issue when we have sex too early with our partners is that we have a tendency of falling in love, not with the person, but with the sex and we THINK we are in love with our partner. Truth is we love the intimacy that they can provide. We get this mixed up so much. Women, we are good for this. We tend to get wrapped up in the sex and we mistake it for falling in love. Falling in love with the sex before the person is not good for the progression of the relationship because the attraction is based off intimacy not two souls joining, but more so two bodies enjoying what they can do for one another. That is not love it is lust.
We all love sex and we think about it constantly when we are in a relationship. We think- when is it going to happen? Will it be good? How long should I wait until we have sex? It may sound cliche but before you are willingly have sex with your partner you should learn about them first. Get to know the exterior before the interior! Why are we always in such a rush to have sex?
Having sex too early in the relationship can cause chaos! Men tend to get overprotective and women tend to get attached. Being over protective too early causes stress within the relationship and makes your partner think that you have insecurity issues. When we get attached too early the conclusions is usually a broken heart because the tighter your grip on your partner the more they will fuss to get loose whether by being in the arms of another or simply ending it and cutting off all ties. When we open the window of intimacy too early we skip a major part of the relationship- getting to know our partner. After two individuals have already had sex what are the odds that on a Friday night they can sit on the couch and talk about each others interests without heading to the bedroom doing what they are now used to doing?
Sex cannot be the only positive aspect of a relationship because just as anything else, it gets old! And there has to be other aspects of the relationship that makes both parties remain happy even when the sex becomes routine. Why so many of us believe that sex alone will hold our partner down is far beyond me because it is not enough. Love comes from higher aspects than the physical pleasures we get out of sex.
Do not give your partner a reason to believe that you are an easy catch. Both parties become confused on where the relationship stands after they have had sex. One may feel that the relationship is stronger and the other may start to feel as if “This is just sex. Why else would I have gotten it so easy and quick?” Making them wait gives you more time to get to know them and gives them more time to respect and adore you. This goes for men and women- Be willing to work for it than getting it easy because nothing worth having comes quick and just as easy as it comes is as easy as it goes.
Lets face it, we are all grown and waiting for sex can be hard on some individuals but for a second just think about the sexual partners that you have had and the way you felt about them before and after the sex. Now reflect on today and I can guarantee that most of you regret over half those sexual partners! So why not cut those regrets to a minimum and wait and see if sex is even worth it.
To make a long story short SAVE THEM GOODIES! Because the more you give out the less goodies you will have to give to the one who is deserving.
The written words of AJT
The biggest issue when we have sex too early with our partners is that we have a tendency of falling in love, not with the person, but with the sex and we THINK we are in love with our partner. Truth is we love the intimacy that they can provide. We get this mixed up so much. Women, we are good for this. We tend to get wrapped up in the sex and we mistake it for falling in love. Falling in love with the sex before the person is not good for the progression of the relationship because the attraction is based off intimacy not two souls joining, but more so two bodies enjoying what they can do for one another. That is not love it is lust.
We all love sex and we think about it constantly when we are in a relationship. We think- when is it going to happen? Will it be good? How long should I wait until we have sex? It may sound cliche but before you are willingly have sex with your partner you should learn about them first. Get to know the exterior before the interior! Why are we always in such a rush to have sex?
Having sex too early in the relationship can cause chaos! Men tend to get overprotective and women tend to get attached. Being over protective too early causes stress within the relationship and makes your partner think that you have insecurity issues. When we get attached too early the conclusions is usually a broken heart because the tighter your grip on your partner the more they will fuss to get loose whether by being in the arms of another or simply ending it and cutting off all ties. When we open the window of intimacy too early we skip a major part of the relationship- getting to know our partner. After two individuals have already had sex what are the odds that on a Friday night they can sit on the couch and talk about each others interests without heading to the bedroom doing what they are now used to doing?
Sex cannot be the only positive aspect of a relationship because just as anything else, it gets old! And there has to be other aspects of the relationship that makes both parties remain happy even when the sex becomes routine. Why so many of us believe that sex alone will hold our partner down is far beyond me because it is not enough. Love comes from higher aspects than the physical pleasures we get out of sex.
Do not give your partner a reason to believe that you are an easy catch. Both parties become confused on where the relationship stands after they have had sex. One may feel that the relationship is stronger and the other may start to feel as if “This is just sex. Why else would I have gotten it so easy and quick?” Making them wait gives you more time to get to know them and gives them more time to respect and adore you. This goes for men and women- Be willing to work for it than getting it easy because nothing worth having comes quick and just as easy as it comes is as easy as it goes.
Lets face it, we are all grown and waiting for sex can be hard on some individuals but for a second just think about the sexual partners that you have had and the way you felt about them before and after the sex. Now reflect on today and I can guarantee that most of you regret over half those sexual partners! So why not cut those regrets to a minimum and wait and see if sex is even worth it.
To make a long story short SAVE THEM GOODIES! Because the more you give out the less goodies you will have to give to the one who is deserving.
The written words of AJT
Wednesday 6 July 2011
"When Expectations Are Hard to Fill"
In relationships we often find that our partners expect more from us. Whether it is physical, emotional, mental or sexual, our partners sometimes want us to try new things, get better, or be precisely the way they want us to be. However, we run into issues when it comes to expectations because if it is asking our partner to lose weight, try a new sexual position, get a job, go to school, stop smoking/drinking, then in reality we are asking our partner to change. Change is not easy and when that change does not come in the time expected your partner then feels as if effort is not being made, or that the lack of change is holding them back from truly giving you their all. Maybe we do not want to change because we do not see any issues within ourselves. So what do you do now? What do you do when you partner wants you to change an aspect of yourself that you love?
Before I can jump into the solution of this very popular issue, I would have to bring another important factor into it first. ---THERE IS NO SOLUTION. The truth of the matter is that the deeper your feelings grow for your partner the more you want to change and be better in order to fulfill the needs of the relationship. Most of the time we do not realize that we are changing because we learn the likes and dislikes of our partners therefore changing to fit those qualities becomes natural. When we grow deep feelings for another, whether it is love or a strong like, we do not stay the same. As your feelings grow your daily habits become different. Men tend to stay home on Friday nights verses going out to the club with their boys. Women tend to carry themselves differently in the way they dress, speak, and socialize. Through her actions she shows respect for her relationship that, of course, she would not show if she were single.
There are going to be personal changes when involved in a committed relationship because there are going to be certain qualities that hurt your partner or that pulls them away from loving you completely. Maybe you are an indecisive individual. That is a trait that may scare your partner because when making important choices on your relationship, you may be known to change your mind in a week or a day. That causes uncertainty to them to trust your decision-making. How about having too many phone contacts of the opposite sex? Many believe this comes into the trust issue but really it lies heavenly in the respect category. Respect your relationship and the feelings of your partner and delete those contacts! Is it worth losing your relationship over? If so why are you in it? The little that you take away from yourself, the more you gain in becoming one with your partner. The change comes from you both. He shaves off a little and she shaves off a little. Soon you become one fit that could not have been formed without those necessary personal changes.
If it is not your ultimate goal to become one with your partner when you are in a committed relationship then you are wasting your time. If you have to second guess changing for the growth of the relationship then the relationship does not mean as much to you as you may think. Your actions speak louder than your words and by turning down necessary changes in yourself to better your relationship it shows your partner that you are not ready for the commitment. This is the downfall of many relationships today. The level of commitment has to be equal. One person trying in a relationship is not enough. It takes two. We must stop seeing change in a negative light for it is impossible to avoid it when being in a relationship. We have to let go of selfishness and let our love shine through our actions and growth. Change can be many things but when you love someone and you two are building, it becomes a beautiful thing.
Written Words of AJT
Before I can jump into the solution of this very popular issue, I would have to bring another important factor into it first. ---THERE IS NO SOLUTION. The truth of the matter is that the deeper your feelings grow for your partner the more you want to change and be better in order to fulfill the needs of the relationship. Most of the time we do not realize that we are changing because we learn the likes and dislikes of our partners therefore changing to fit those qualities becomes natural. When we grow deep feelings for another, whether it is love or a strong like, we do not stay the same. As your feelings grow your daily habits become different. Men tend to stay home on Friday nights verses going out to the club with their boys. Women tend to carry themselves differently in the way they dress, speak, and socialize. Through her actions she shows respect for her relationship that, of course, she would not show if she were single.
There are going to be personal changes when involved in a committed relationship because there are going to be certain qualities that hurt your partner or that pulls them away from loving you completely. Maybe you are an indecisive individual. That is a trait that may scare your partner because when making important choices on your relationship, you may be known to change your mind in a week or a day. That causes uncertainty to them to trust your decision-making. How about having too many phone contacts of the opposite sex? Many believe this comes into the trust issue but really it lies heavenly in the respect category. Respect your relationship and the feelings of your partner and delete those contacts! Is it worth losing your relationship over? If so why are you in it? The little that you take away from yourself, the more you gain in becoming one with your partner. The change comes from you both. He shaves off a little and she shaves off a little. Soon you become one fit that could not have been formed without those necessary personal changes.
If it is not your ultimate goal to become one with your partner when you are in a committed relationship then you are wasting your time. If you have to second guess changing for the growth of the relationship then the relationship does not mean as much to you as you may think. Your actions speak louder than your words and by turning down necessary changes in yourself to better your relationship it shows your partner that you are not ready for the commitment. This is the downfall of many relationships today. The level of commitment has to be equal. One person trying in a relationship is not enough. It takes two. We must stop seeing change in a negative light for it is impossible to avoid it when being in a relationship. We have to let go of selfishness and let our love shine through our actions and growth. Change can be many things but when you love someone and you two are building, it becomes a beautiful thing.
Written Words of AJT
Sunday 3 July 2011
"Going The Distance"
We are drawn to believe that long distance relationships have a low survival rate. We are drawn to believe that trust becomes damaged, faithfulness is impossible and a steady communication is unfeasible when hearts are a part. I find these to all be myths based off the failures of long distance relationships where people were too immature to handle their circumstances.
A relationship has to be mature in order to succeed distance. Both individuals need to understand the trials that they are soon to face and they must be sure that the relationship is strong enough to withstand the separation.
The main issue that couples come to face when dealing with distance is trust. The solution to this is to know the level of trust before agreeing to be in a long distance relationship. Going the distance while both individuals feel the lack of trust makes the relationship a pointless waste of time. There is no feeling worse than having a thought behind your mind everyday of what your partner is doing, who they are with, and if they are being trustworthy to you. Having these thoughts eventually reflect on your actions towards the relationship. If you feel you cannot trust your partner then you will find yourself making decisions of off “ well they are probably doing the same thing so why shouldn’t I go out for a few drinks with these women/men.” The lack of trust begins forming daily arguments and doubts towards each other and eventually the relationship comes to an end.
Many of us fall accustomed to believing that in order to love our partners unconditionally and in the form that they deserve then they need to be physically present. That is not true. If the love is as pure and real as a couple claims it to be then distance will not deter that love nor will it take away from the affection.
There are ways to be romantic when you find that you and your partner are going through a long distance relationship. Ordering your sweetheart flowers, sending them cards and letters. It seems we have gotten so accustomed to the privilege of technology that we forget these gestures that bring hearts closer. Taking a pen and paper and writing a passionate love letter to the one you love keeps the flame going and allows your partner to know that the love is not withering but that it is growing fonder over time.
When you fall in love with someone and you begin sharing a passion with them you find that your hearts become one. You are more dependent on one another and your love. Distance is the number one test of relationships. You are put in the position to go days, weeks, months, some couples go years without seeing each other. It’s a test to show how real your love is. I can understand the difficulties when you cannot touch, hug, kiss, or hold that one who you have given your heart to. But does this mean that you find that affection in the arms of another? How true is your love if you can give it to someone else so willingly after you “claim” to have given your heart to your partner?
Distance does have positives. Yes I said DISTANCE DOES HAVE POSITIVES! This gives you a great opportunity to communicate more with your partner and get to know each other on a more personal level rather than depending on intimacy and physical affection. It pulls hearts closer together to fall in love with the mind and soul rather than one’s physicality.
It takes two. If two individuals really want to be together then nothing or no one will be able to hinder that love. Distance does not last forever. Being untrustworthy because you feel the distance is too much and your need for affection is too high causes you to make immature choices towards a temporary situation. Keep your mind on the future and what you and your love want to accomplish after the distance. Figure out how much this love means to you and if it is worth it. Many times we think the grass is greener on the other side. We try to find excuses not to go the distance and to settle for someone who is around. We forget why we fell in love with the person in the first place. Do not allow a mediocre situation, like distance, to come between the destiny of you and the person you love. If you cannot wither storms together then the relationship is not as strong and it comes time to question your affection towards them. Love endures and has no limitations. No matter what the situation it gets through. So when a long distance relationship fails we must blame the parties involved because when dealing with affections of love all endings depend on the choices of those two hearts.
The Written Words of AJT
A relationship has to be mature in order to succeed distance. Both individuals need to understand the trials that they are soon to face and they must be sure that the relationship is strong enough to withstand the separation.
The main issue that couples come to face when dealing with distance is trust. The solution to this is to know the level of trust before agreeing to be in a long distance relationship. Going the distance while both individuals feel the lack of trust makes the relationship a pointless waste of time. There is no feeling worse than having a thought behind your mind everyday of what your partner is doing, who they are with, and if they are being trustworthy to you. Having these thoughts eventually reflect on your actions towards the relationship. If you feel you cannot trust your partner then you will find yourself making decisions of off “ well they are probably doing the same thing so why shouldn’t I go out for a few drinks with these women/men.” The lack of trust begins forming daily arguments and doubts towards each other and eventually the relationship comes to an end.
Many of us fall accustomed to believing that in order to love our partners unconditionally and in the form that they deserve then they need to be physically present. That is not true. If the love is as pure and real as a couple claims it to be then distance will not deter that love nor will it take away from the affection.
There are ways to be romantic when you find that you and your partner are going through a long distance relationship. Ordering your sweetheart flowers, sending them cards and letters. It seems we have gotten so accustomed to the privilege of technology that we forget these gestures that bring hearts closer. Taking a pen and paper and writing a passionate love letter to the one you love keeps the flame going and allows your partner to know that the love is not withering but that it is growing fonder over time.
When you fall in love with someone and you begin sharing a passion with them you find that your hearts become one. You are more dependent on one another and your love. Distance is the number one test of relationships. You are put in the position to go days, weeks, months, some couples go years without seeing each other. It’s a test to show how real your love is. I can understand the difficulties when you cannot touch, hug, kiss, or hold that one who you have given your heart to. But does this mean that you find that affection in the arms of another? How true is your love if you can give it to someone else so willingly after you “claim” to have given your heart to your partner?
Distance does have positives. Yes I said DISTANCE DOES HAVE POSITIVES! This gives you a great opportunity to communicate more with your partner and get to know each other on a more personal level rather than depending on intimacy and physical affection. It pulls hearts closer together to fall in love with the mind and soul rather than one’s physicality.
It takes two. If two individuals really want to be together then nothing or no one will be able to hinder that love. Distance does not last forever. Being untrustworthy because you feel the distance is too much and your need for affection is too high causes you to make immature choices towards a temporary situation. Keep your mind on the future and what you and your love want to accomplish after the distance. Figure out how much this love means to you and if it is worth it. Many times we think the grass is greener on the other side. We try to find excuses not to go the distance and to settle for someone who is around. We forget why we fell in love with the person in the first place. Do not allow a mediocre situation, like distance, to come between the destiny of you and the person you love. If you cannot wither storms together then the relationship is not as strong and it comes time to question your affection towards them. Love endures and has no limitations. No matter what the situation it gets through. So when a long distance relationship fails we must blame the parties involved because when dealing with affections of love all endings depend on the choices of those two hearts.
The Written Words of AJT
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