Does
marriage change the love two individuals shared before vows were made at the
alter? It doesn’t change all couples but some get into a contented state where
the things they used to do becomes foreign. Home cooked meals turn into take
out, sweet texts turn into bitter messages about what their partner is not doing right, sex is no longer
exciting and tends to be scheduled, and the spark that lit the flame on romance
seems to have burnt out.
Some men
have found that before they married their wives she used to come to bed sexy
and now she doesn’t seem to care at all about her appearance. She used to have
dinner waiting for him when he got home, and now she is asleep when he gets
home. She used to be sexually unpredictable, mysterious and seductive, now she
hardly wants to have sex.
Some women
have found that before they married their husbands he was a romance ace! He
used to run her bubble baths, now he complains when she asks him to turn on the
shower. He used to rub her feet, now he frowns at the idea and says he
is too tired. He used to take her shopping, now he is obsessed with saving
money. He used to take her out to dinner, now he rather sit at home on the
couch glued to the television screen. He used to hold her at night and now he
rolls over and ignores her presence.
Do not ever
think marriage has changed your spouse; they simply begin showing you who they truly
are.
Before
marriage it is about the courtship (especially in our society where marriage is
pursued early on in most relationships) the majority of couples do not give
themselves time to see their partners in other elements. There are sides to
them that their partners have yet to experience, attitudes they have yet to see
triggered and habits that they have not witnessed because maybe they never
lived with their partners before. Unfortunately, it can be that the person who
courted you is the total opposite of the person you now live with and call your
wife/husband.
For the
relationships that have invested time and then pursued marriage
they can find that their partners have changed due to the fact that they have
become exceedingly comfortable. When you become too comfortable with your partner you subconsciously develop a
belief that no matter what you do, good or bad, the situation will not change;
you will always be with your wife/husband. Doing the things you used to do for
them does not seem as important anymore because you are now life partners and
going the extra mile doesn’t seem necessary. You feel the love is already where
it should be. This thought is one that exists in many marriages and it is also
the thought that leads to infidelity, and divorce.
If you
continue to court your wife/husband after marriage the love will not only be resilient
but also the actions of showing that love will make the relationship frequently
feel fresh. Once you stop doing those things you used to do, that your partner
is accustomed to now that you have exposed it to them, they may begin to search
elsewhere for that absent affection whether it be with another or alone without
you.
Marriage is
not the end of passion. It is not the end of the flame. It is not where two
people who were head over heels in love trade it in to become perfect
roommates. It is not when all good gestures get thrown out the window. Marriage
is the step towards eternal love, persevering affection, and persistence no
matter how trying the marriage gets to be at times.
When we
lose sight of why we fell in love with our spouses it is then that we become
too comfortable and it can lead us to lose the one we once fought so hard to
get. Never forget why you fell in love with your spouse and never forget to
portray that love through our actions everyday before, and most importantly,
after you have jumped the broom.
The Written
Words of AJT
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