The one thing that keeps a dying relationship together is hope. We hope things will go back to the way they were in the beginning. We hope our partners will fall back into their old loving habits. We hope for change even when we know it may never come.
Maya Angelou said it best, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
Love is tricky. It snaps on to us in the beginning and chains us to the floor. When we become chained we think it is our obligation to stay no matter how much it hurts us to do so. We believe “we have gotten this far, we have fought this hard so we are obligated to keep fighting.”
The hardest thing for two individuals to do in a relationship is not to stay but to leave.
I am an optimist of love however I understand that just because two people love one another does not mean they are meant to be together. Problem is, not all of us understand this. We think:
“He is my baby’s father so I have to stay” – “she is my baby’s mother so I have to be with her.”
“I am in love with him so we have to work it out even if multiple attempts have failed.”
“He doesn’t want kids but I love him so I will drop my dreams of becoming a mother.”
The long list of excuses that keeps us chained to a relationship that is hurting us surpasses the amount of space I have for this blog article.
I had to write this blog today because it is personally hurting me to see love being treated like an obligation without choices. Love has choices. Once the love becomes painful, too difficult for normal function, physically hurtful and verbally abusing it should be a red flag that this love has been falsely labeled. Love is not an obligation nor is it a contract. You are not stuck because you fall in love with someone. Sometimes we fall in love with people who are seriously bad for us. They take life from us, they hurt us and “we love them so much” we think we have to stay. I am here to tell you that love does not run you into the ground. Love is not perfect in any way shape or form but one thing that love should never be is a strain on your physical, mental and emotional health.
Nearly 90% of the time the love you feel in the beginning is “honeymoon love”. It evolved from the individual’s nice gestures, loving words, caring incentives and thoughtfulness. These gestures are what grabs your attention and eventually makes you fall in love. You believe the person can never change. Love makes us believe that the person we have fallen in love with today will be that person forever. Reality is, they may not. What some will do to get you is not always what they will do to keep you.
If the person you go to bed with every night sickens you, scares you, and makes you unrecognizable to yourself then you need to begin exercising your choices. Do what is best for you. Quit making excuses and remember your lover did not change; when the relationship becomes comfortable your partner will show you who they really are.
The Written Words of AJT
2 comments:
I love this so much..i kno someone who is stuck on "that's my babymother" but like you said love is not an obligation.why stay with some one if the relationship is poisoned. Your obligated to the child not the mother
I couldn't have said it better myself. Having gone thru this personally and maybe still it really makes u think. Thanks for this!
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