After a relationship we find ourselves in the comfort of our own arms and we have these sudden urges to call our ex and tell them how much we miss them and how it was a mistake that the relationship came to an end.
Problem with that is- WE SHOULD NOT MAKE THAT CHOICE OFF OF LONELINESS.
As adults, we know when something is over but the biggest emotion that stands in the way is DENIAL. We do not want to believe that a relationship we have known for some time has come to an end. Going into relationships we all have expectations of how it will be and we all, of course, want the relationship to work. We want that incomparable love that is going to last because we hate starting over new when we have put so much work into that current relationship. This is a feeling that lives within all of us.
WE ARE AFRAID OF CHANGE and rather try to make it work with an old love than to be alone or find a new one.
When you decide to call an ex a week or a day after the two of you have broke up you are both, more than likely, in the same situation. You are both lonely and you miss the person. Even if it ended on a bad note or a good note there is something in that person that drew you to them so there has to be at least one trait that you miss. Our fear of change is so prominent that our minds make that trait into something that we think we NEED when really we are trying to FILL THE VOID of emptiness and loneliness.
Listen when I say that as soon as you and that person decide to get back together a week or two later you will break up and remember why you broke up in the first place. Why relive the past? We try to place commas where our hearts have already placed periods. Moving on is feared by many because often times we carry the old into the new which hinders us from being happy in another relationship. As adults we must kick this habit. The past is not there to hinder a new love, it is there to gain experience and wisdom to better the next relationship not worsen it.
Its imperative that we know how to walk away. We trick our minds into believing that breaking up and making up is something that shows true love, care and admiration.
IF YOU ARE BREAKING UP MORE THAN YOU ARE TOGETHER THEN THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT PROGRESSING BUT IT IS WASTING TIME.
When we waste time on relationships that are not working we hold ourselves back from future relationships that will. Do not compromise your future by holding on to something that deep in your heart you know is over. Letting go is one of the hardest things to do but it is NOT IMPOSSIBLE.
We come up with a cliche “you will always love that person no matter what”. I personally do not believe that at all. Real love endures-it does not end. What is meant to end is not real love but in most cases it brings you closer to what is real love.
When you continue to repeat the bad habits in the heart you find yourself at a dead end every time and eventually that path gets old. We need to find a new way. We need make a different turn. Day by day it will get easier. So if you are dealing with a love that you keep going back to repeatedly, however you know that it is over, be strong and walk away. Always find the positive in what seems to be negative. Just think, the lessons you have learned from that past relationship will come in handy when you begin loving the one who was made to love you.
The Written Words Of AJT
11 comments:
preach it girl preach it!
oh shoot lol...i wrote that ann lol carine lol.....but well put love but i know its a challenge we all face and go through at a point in time in life....just praying it can reconnect etc...never kno wen to let go until it almost kills...speak the truth love get it!!
Question? Say for example you and this guy decided to start a relaitonship, but your past hasn't got the best track record. And once your in the relationship together you all constantly argue because "he is the jealous type". You know there is nothing wrong with you, and he is constantly questioning you about where you are and who you are with. And he "says" that he'll stop the nonsense but goes right back doing the same ol' thing. You care for this person a lot and you don't want to lose them, but the routine arguing is taking it's toll and your patience is running low. What do you do?
Anonymous #3-
The jealousy can be coming from past experiences of dishonesty therefore trusting another may be hard for your partner. I know the arguing and not being trusted is hurting you and it gets tiring. You have to decide whether this person is over their past. Are they bringing in feelings of fear because they have been hurt before when they gave their trust to another? or if they are still reliving that relationship and have not fully moved on yet. If they have not moved on from the past then you have one of two choices. 1. You can help them by sticking around and reassuring them that your love is not coincided with their past. Sometimes people just need to know that you are not the same and that the love is different. They just want to feel through your actions that they have nothing to worry about when it comes to trusting you. Ways to do that is tell them what you are doing. No its not checking in its just reassuring them that you are not up to no good and that you are thinking of them even when they are not around. Your second option is to give them space for a while and let them decide what they want and if being in the relationship is the right thing at the moment. Maybe they still need time to heal. If so step back and allow them that time. Either way each decision is based off of how much love is in the relationship.Me personally, if I loved this persona and saw a future with them, I would stick around because if you cannot weather the storm and rough times together then the relationship will never build and progress. Its about being strong for each other. So how strong is this love?
First, I'd like to say that I LOVE the title--it's very effective.
I agree with most of what you wrote in this blog. We, as humans, always have a void that we try to fill and some times we're so desperate that we fill it with unnecessary things or unnecessary people.
However, I am not sure if you're saying that all relationships that came to an end should never be revisited... If so, I am on the fence with that... I believe that MOST relationships that come to an end should never be revisited, but this is not the case for ALL... It may be the case that the relationship occurred at the wrong time... Maybe both people weren't mature enough to handle the relationship, but in fact were actually meant to be together... It was just the matter of wrong timing... Needless to say, I don't agree with someone constantly exiting and reentering the same relationship... that is just wrong in all aspects of it..
It is also possible to come out of a relationship but still love the person... You may not be "in love" with that person, but you can still "have love" for that person (in the sense of loving the individual for who they are outside of a relationship)...
But you are right though, don't force a comma when there should be a period.
If you don't first love yourself, how can you love another? If you are so in love with only yourself, what love can you offer another? People worship the oppinions that prove them right, but neglect to respect the oppions that prove them wrong. The strong gravitate towards a stronger person, but the hidden low self esteem will eventually have them feel weaker in their presence.
I definitely believe that a relationship can be revisited. However, what I am implying is that sometimes we do not revisit the relationship off love but off fear and loneliness and that is not effective. Deep down we know that the relationship is over but we rather wither that storm than to start over because of fear of change.
Wow, so true. You just described my current situation. Thanks Girl, I love it!
Girl, I am so loving you right now! Continue to write on my sister...write on!
This is the same situation am in right now and I don't know how to walk away. Deep down I know that its over and it was not right. It went no where in two years. Some parts of me is happy it over, but I find myself keep going back. It hurts so badly, what do I do.
I am just reading through all of your comments concerning forcing a comma when there is a period. This blog can certainly pertain to marriage. Often times people are in marriage that is not healthy for either party and they stay because of children or some other reason (finances, etc.). You are right AJT, one must first know and love themselves before getting into a relationship and marriage. A person must also understand that once a marriage or relationship is over and it involves children, the persons will always be connected through the children and need to find a way to communicate and co-exist when it comes to raising children.
I love this blog because it gives people something to ponder and understand relationships.
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