"I hope I never fall in love again!! They are all the same!"

Topic: I have been hurt so many times before, how can I trust that this man/woman is different? Are they not all the same?

Everyone yearns for that “fairy tale” love. They want the spark and the miracle that we see on television and the remarkable love that we see in the movies. I am here to tell you this; we are a part of real life and in order to achieve any great accomplishment within the heart, you must strengthen your heart so that it is capable of receiving that eternal love. We have all been hurt. We have cried over the ones who have hurt us and believe it or not the ones who have hurt us have been hurt as well. We cannot place ourselves in the category of “victim”. All great lessons in the heart bear no room for regret.

So, your last love brought you pain and heartbreak and you are wondering; what’s next? Typically I can tell you to move on, but that, as we all know, is easier said than done. Most times we confuse moving on with starting a new relationship. When someone who you came to love has hurt you it is not healthy to jump into a relationship right after you have endured that pain. Take some time off and free your mind and your heart. Relieve that past and allow your body, mind and spirit to be ready for a new beginning. Often times we move on so quickly to the next person because we believe it is the only way to get over what/who was hurting us. By doing this we are only creating more bondage. We are binding our hearts and minds to the past. When we rush into a new relationship after we endured pain of another, we constantly compare past loves to our new love. Give your heart time to mourn. Give your heart time to let go. Most importantly give your mind time to let go.

When getting over pain within the heart I know that the stress and the memories linger within your mind. However, those memories and thoughts are not there to haunt you. They are there for you to remember so that you can take that experience and learn from it. Do not dwell so much into your thoughts of an ex. Doing so can cause you to miss the start of a new beginning with someone more deserving of your love. Even if those thoughts are there, they can be controlled. Turn those negative thoughts into positive emotions. Begin to speak positivity towards those thoughts. Think of it as “Well he/she hurt me but look what I have gained. I have more time for myself and I am getting to know me.”

You cannot hold on to relationships when the mind and heart has already deemed them to be done. We cannot put ourselves in situations where we are holding by a thread because of the fear of loneliness. If you cannot find pleasure in being alone and being happy with yourself then you will never find pleasure in being happy with another.

Now you have taken that time to yourself and there is now someone who you are ready to move on with. What do you do? You have to analyze your feelings. Know yourself enough that you know if you are rushing or if you are holding back. The greatest mistake that we make when we get out of a painful relationship is that we make ourselves feel and look unattractive. I am not talking about physical attraction here. What I am talking about is the personality and the mentality and emotional characteristics that make us unattractive. Meeting someone new means starting new. Do not bring your past into the new. Your new love does not want to hear what your old love did to you. You have told them once what happened and that is all that ever has to be said about it. Dwelling and talking about a past relationship to a new love causes your new love to be skeptical. They begin to wonder if you are really ready to move on. This is part of letting go. Do not make your new love pay for the pain that you endured. Sometimes we have to go through pain so that we can experience what it feels like to have real joy. Give this new love a clean slate and allow them the chance to prove your heart wrong. Not all lovers are the same. Not all endings are the same. Do not fall into that trap of believing negativity when it comes to relationships. Take those bad experiences and use them for understanding and self-reflection for your next relationship.

Remember, all great accomplishments in the heart do not come easy. We must work for them. Sometimes the pain is too much to bear and we want to give up. Giving up is not the answer. By giving up you will miss out on the joy that REAL love brings. Follow the path and no matter what obstacles (heartbreaks) may come your way; use them to your best ability. Learn your lesson, and love hard. Do not let that heartache deter you from loving another. Because the next love may be the last love.

The Written words of AJT