Is it just me or does it seem as though many individuals will do anything to have the ‘ideal American family’? We will marry individuals who we do not love because we have children by them. We will stay in an unfit, unhealthy relationship with individuals because WE HAVE CHILDREN BY THEM. We will live an unhappy life on the inside so that the family portrait is full to “ideal” capacity (Mommy, Daddy, Kids). Why do so many individuals feel that when they have children its only ‘right and proper’ to marry?
In the days of our grandparents, great grandparents and even farther dated back than that, people would marry young and then have children- that was the order and you would hardly find single parenting in that day in age. However as time progressed we find that there are more single parents than marriages that are actually surviving. We can look at this as a deficit in society’s marital necessity or we can see it as our generation being more independent, especially women. Women no longer stay at home cooking, cleaning and tending to their families all day. The number of housewives in America over time has decreased tremendously. Women now have careers and financial means to handle their families without the attention and need of a male counterpart. However, the same goes for males. Men now know how to take over the kitchen, put on a clean diaper, help with the homework and make a PTA meeting. It goes both ways- both men and women are capable of fulfilling parental duties without having both a male and female figure in the household.
BUT the old days’ tradition of marrying when you have a child still exists and I am not the one to kill American tradition, but as time progresses some traditions should be laid to rest especially when it hinders individuals involved and does not build a family but instead breaks it down.
An individual who marries their children’s mother or father just because they have children together is not a good enough reason to marry. If we look at in a “traditional” sense we can say that the vows of marriage loses its relevance in situations like these. Marriage includes following sacred vows between two individuals who love each other and work as one to better that relationship overtime no matter what trials and shortcomings it may bring. However, individuals who marry ONLY FOR THE KIDS opt to have a mom and dad in the same household not only to lighten the burden so to speak but to not confuse the children and allow them to live a normal life and have a NORMAL household.
What we can fail to realize sometimes about our children is THEY ARE NOT STUPID. Kids know when parents are faking the funk! I remember being a young girl and although my parents would sometimes use subliminal messages at the dinner table, at the age of 8 I understood what was going on. I knew when Mommy was mad at Daddy so how can we be so naïve to believe that our children will not see the absence of love between their mom and dad whom are living in the same household? Children do not just want a FAMILY they want a loving, HAPPY family. And believe me they can sense when that love is non existent and that will hinder your child more than if you were honest and sat down with them and explained why Mom and Dad do not live together.
AND THE BIGGEST REASON WHY WE SHOULD NOT SET OURSELVES UP AND MARRY BABYDADDY AND BABYMOMMA IS------ Our happiness matters too. We welcome dissatisfaction by marrying someone who we do not love and living in the same household with them. I am not saying that two mature adults could not handle the situation, because I am sure they could, however it holds you back from meeting the one you can truly be happy with. Do not sell yourself short by IDEAL FAMILY PORTRAITS and do not think that you are OBLIGATED to do so. This is your life. So when will you stop faking the funk and lying to your children because in this situation it is nothing less and nothing more than a dishonest union that eventually is going to effect your family and hurt the trust between you and your children.
Weigh your pros and cons to faking the funk but believe me when it comes to your children the best thing you can give them besides that unconditional love is the TRUTH.
The written words of AJT.
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