"We're All The Same Color When We Turn Off The Lights. Bi-Racial Love? Why Not?"

“If you can’t use her comb, don’t bring her home!” I am sure that all of my MARTIN fans are familiar with this famous phrase from jobless Tommy! But lets keep it real, a lot of us were raised in households of one race and therefore we were conditioned to believe that we could not introduce another race into our homes and welcome them as our lovers. Many Black women feel as if they cannot bring a White man home to meet Mom and Dad. Many Black men find it difficult to tell their mothers that they are bringing home a White woman and vice versa (White women may find it difficult to bring home a Black man and a White man may find it difficult to bring home a Black woman) Unethical? Yes, to some but there are many explanations for it; culture differences, tradition quarrels and everyday life. Whites, Blacks, Hispanics, Asians etc. have different traditions and cultural upbringings. Being in a Bi-Racial relationship does not just include loving someone but it’s also accepting where they come from as well as their family’s traditions and beliefs.

I remember watching a movie with Sanaa Lathan called “Something New” and it basically confronted the unexpected love she had found with a White man. While her and this man were getting intimate he asked her what her hair was. Now we are all familiar that both White women and Black women wear hair extensions however he was oblivious to what was underneath the ‘sew in’ and how it was done in the first place. Sanaa Lathan’s character became furious and asked him to leave after he asks, “can you take it off.” Should she have been so offensive? Can we expect a White man to know about hair extensions and lace wigs? Can we expect ANY man to know about our hair grooming secrets? I am sure that many men still believe that their woman’s hair is REAL! Lol The difference is Black men hardly ask. As long as it looks good they are pretty much satisfied. Black men are often raised around women who wear hair weaves, on the contrary White men are less exposed to the basics of lace wigs, braids and hair weaves. Lace wigs, braids and hair weaves are more familiarized in the category with Black women. Braids for one is a part of the African American culture and is more well known to Black tradition than it would be to White tradition. This is not me being stereotypical but I am merely explaining that the braiding process arose from our ancestors. This is just another example of how traditions collide and how in Bi-Racial relationships a sense of open-mindedness is crucial to its overall stability and survival.

A lot of women are about to get upset-- but I am picking on the ladies because this type of attitude rarely comes from a man in this given situation. -------I remember being in the grocery store with one of my girlfriends and she points out a Black man walking hand in hand around the grocery store with his White girlfriend. He was an attractive man and from the looks of it they seemed like a very happy couple. However, my friend found their relationship repulsive. She is not a racist however she could not come to grips that a handsome Black man like himself chooses to be with a White woman instead of a Black woman.

She replied “Really? Can he not a find a Black woman! I wonder what his momma thinks about his snow White!”

Her remarks stirred me into one day writing an article consulting the emotions that Black women get when they see Black men with another woman of a different race. How does it make it more “right” for him to be with a Black woman? When a Black man decides to date outside of his race it should not be seen as blatant disrespect to his mother or the other females of his family. This is an act of willed ignorance when we allow ourselves to come to those sorts of conclusions. Could it be a state of possessiveness? It seems that many women claim men that do not belong to them but since they are connected by race some women feel that if “as a Black woman that is my Black man” and “as a White woman that is my White man”.

Black women are not the only race of women who find it compulsive to see “their men” dating outside of their race. AND it is not ALL women however I find it to be related to more women than men in general. We have to grow within ourselves to put these emotions to rest. Our society now allows us to walk freely and love freely without laws prohibiting it and although some may not agree with the relationships formed from our freedom it is however moral to respect it. But do we? No, most do not. When we see bi-racial couples we stare at it as if it is a rarity. Love is rare not the skin color of the individuals involved.

The Written words of AJT