It feels great to break free from a relationship where there are no strings holding you to your ex. Unfortunately, that is not the story for many of us as we are forced, by the failure of birth control and self-control, to spend the rest of our lives attached to our ex because a condom failed, alcohol took over, or “you never thought this would happen”. Babies are a wonderful addition to anyone’s life but when that beautiful child attaches you to an intolerable ex it can lead to bigger problems that we are not ready to handle. Baby Momma and Baby Daddy drama is the worse kind of drama because there is really no escaping it. You both share blood to another human being. How can you get away from that?
In most cases when you have a baby father/baby mother it can be difficult to keep a civil partnership. I find that both parents understand that the child’s well being is the most important factor BUT the petty arguments and reasons for those petty arguments (usually holding on to the past) stand in the way of developing a civil relationship between the parents.
Not to call my women out but lets be real, some of you hold a “property line” for your baby fathers. Whether you want to deny it or not, you had a child by this man therefore your feelings towards him may not be what they were BC (before child) however there is an adamant connection between you both especially when you find that your baby father has moved on and you have not.
You get the number one saying of the baby mother pertaining to the baby father and his newfound love, “I better not find out that you had my child around that chick!”
I never understood this. Are women afraid to have their children around their baby father’s girlfriends/wives because they are threatened at the possibility that their child can become more attached to the new woman or are they jealous that the man is no longer with them and has moved on? Do women feel that because they birthed the man’s child they are entitled to some type of ownership? And that my folks is the “property line”. However, it should NOT exist.
Insecurity plays a large role in the immature tendencies of the baby mother. If your baby father is a good man, taking care of his child, paying child support on time well LET HIM LIVE and you need to go ahead and live your life as well. Put yourself in the man’s shoes; if you met a man who you cared about and wanted him to be a part of your life would you hide him and separate him from your child because of the insecurity of your baby father? And yes that is what it is- INSECURITY.
Now many of my ladies can argue that “the woman is bad news and I do not want her actions around my child”. Okay that is a reasonable argument. However if you feel the father is endangering your child by having them around this “horrible” stepparent then why not sit down with the stepparent and verbalize your expectations. Too often we avoid having contact with the exes new lover. Why do we do this? If both the baby mother and baby father are focused on the best interest of the child then why not all adults involved ACT LIKE ADULTS and sit down and converse about being more civil for the sake and well being of the child? I never see parents and stepparents take this route. Instead they go down a road of hatred and begin cursing each other. What does that ever solve?
Ladies, you are a parent therefore that involves you being mature and setting the example for your child. Let go of the past. Yes you had his baby but that relationship is over. Leave it where it is- the past. Get going and meet yourself a good man and be happy. You can’t worry about the happiness of an ex even if you do have kids by them. As long as they are doing right by the child that should be your only care and concern. Who they are with and what they do with that new woman is none of your business UNTIL it begins to affect your child.
Men you will not be let off easy. STOP DOGGING YOUR BABY MOTHER!
She cannot be that bad seeing as you saw fit to have a child by her. Mistake or not, at one point she was an amazing woman to you. Do not let the baby come in the picture and make you bitter towards a woman because “it was not in your plans to have a child”. You lay down with her and knew beforehand the consequences of sex therefore take care of your responsibilities. You do not need any relationship with the mother. Pay your child support (if you have to), take care of your kids and be the best father a child can have. One thing I see too often and it just makes me want to spit, are men who will sit around and spread rumors about their baby mothers. How can you disrespect the mother of your child? Whether you like her or not she has provided your seed. A gift that not too many can spare. So I just cannot understand how some men can demoralize their baby mother’s and in doing so fail to realize the embarrassment they place on their child. Hmmm men look in the mirror and BE A MAN. We need more good fathers out there and being a good father does in fact include respecting the individual who birthed you the title of becoming a father.
AND FOR BOTH MY BABY MOTHERS AND BABY FATHERS- STOP SCREWING EACHOTHER.
For some strange reason baby mothers and baby fathers tend to become each other’s “old reliable”. That is so dangerous! Old reliable is not suppose to be someone who you have had children by! Seriously? There is too much history for you to be able to leave your baby mother/baby father’s bed emotionless. It will not happen! And what if your child finds out that you two are sleeping together? You are confusing them. Leave it civil and lock it up! You may need some loving at night but once the sun rises you are both at each others throats again! It is a waste of time. Focus on your child together and if you cannot find someone to warm your sheets- Women, GO TO SPENCERS there are plenty of alternatives and men IT’S YOU AND YOUR HAND --- BUT PLEASE stay out of each other’s beds. Don’t have your child asking you “Daddy what were you doing in Mom’s bed at 3am?”
There are boundaries to every relationship. Cares we should have and cares we need to let go of. The relationship between baby mother and baby father is all about THE WELL BEING OF THE CHILD. So step into the world of adulthood where we handle business civilly and focus on the goal of raising good children.
The Written Words Of AJT
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