You stupidly fall for them, you stupidly submit to them, you stupidly work around their schedules, you stupidly put your time and energy into making them happy and you stupidly allow your heart to grow fond of them, and in doing so you STUPIDLY dismiss the underlying circumstance. The circumstance that gives you the position of coming in second. You allow them to sleep in your bed during the day and creep back to their homes at night. You get used to the shadiness when their wives/husbands walk in on them talking on the phone with you on the other line. All of a sudden they are calling you by the names of their best friends. You become Bill or Joan and they hang up suddenly to give their attention and love to their number one, the one who in all actuality, matters the most to them.
Why would you be ‘okay’ with playing number 2? Sometimes it isn’t even number 2. Number 2 gives you the title of being a ‘priority’. No matter how much you convince your mind that you matter, many times the “other man” and the “other woman” are never a priority. They are just “something new” that comes without a lifetime commitment or a need to be exclusive. The “other man/woman” are secret lovers that add excitement to the life of the married/committed individual.
What leaves me astonished and slightly disturbed is how the secret lovers can convince themselves that one day this man/woman will be all theirs. They honestly believe that the man/woman will simply leave their wives/husbands and children at home to start a new one with them! First and foremost, through your actions you have shown yourself to be worthless and okay with settling for a low position. The fact that you are kept hidden and an even greater factor, that they abandon their homes where their families reside to fulfill their sexual urge for a few hours with you, not only shows how insignificant they see you as but also it shows the common fact of this situation- they are addicted to having a no strings attached relationship with someone who does not mind coming second, or having no priority in their lives at all.
Lets bring our focus to a more “hygienic” sense ---
Every afternoon or late night this married/committed individual is creeping in bed with you, having sex with you, kissing you with the same body, lips and touch that he/she goes home to their family with. The same penetration that you are getting from this ruthless affair they are bringing it home to their exclusive relationship. So basically you are having sexual/personal relations with their whole family WILLINGLY. Why put yourself at risk? Do you honestly think you are the ONLY one playing “other woman/man? You think there haven't been others?
However, to my greatest surprise and less sympathetic side, there are some individuals who take pride in being “home wreckers”. They feel “if he/she would have been doing their jobs I would not have to screw their wives/husbands.” They say this as if it’s their purpose in life to have sex with married/committed individuals in order to prove a point to their spouses and loves that they are not “handing their business at home”. I guess relationship councilors are no longer existent. I guess the world of relationships is being counseled by home wreckers who find it to be their “duty” to teach the victim a lesson –“ if you wont screw your man/woman the right way, well I will do it for you”. What a load of crap! For the ones out there who take pleasure in the title of “home wrecker” I hope you gain a sense of self worth because no individual would put themselves in the position to be less of a person and then make a sorry excuse for their actions by saying “ I am teaching his/her spouse a lesson in love by getting on all fours and pleasing their man/woman for them.” It is a sure sign of low self-esteem and inner personal issues when you take pride in being the secret lover.
Convey a higher degree of respect for yourself and have compassion for the family that your actions are bound to ruin. It takes two to mingle however it only takes one person to call it off. Take into account what you deserve. You may believe you are in love, you may believe you want this person so bad that coming in second or being no priority beats the hell out of not having them in your bed at all. But does it? Do you not realize the impairment you are voluntarily causing yourself emotionally? Your actions are convincing your thoughts that you are not good enough to be someone’s #1. Your actions are setting you up to carry a long routine of settling for a few hours of loving from an individual you can’t even call your own. You are doing so much mental harm to yourself and for what? A quickie on your lunch break or a late night hit? Is that all you are good for? Look in the mirror and tell me is that how you want to be loved? Is that what you deserve? Is that what anyone deserves?
To all my secret lovers out there, it is time to step out of hiding, leave silently with dignity and class and find it within yourself to become someone's #1.
The written words of AJT
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