A large turn off towards relationships is selfish individuals! They are the ones who only give in when it is convenient for them and beneficial towards their needs. They are the ones who believe the relationship is about pleasing one not both parties; the ones who every time you get into an argument all you hear is “I, ME, I WANT, I NEED”. Well damn, maybe you should be in a relationship with yourself. I know many of us have had our fair share of the selfish species. And even more ironic many of you, without knowing it, are currently in a relationship with them now!
We can be dating selfish individuals and be so blinded by “love” that when we become a doormat or a YES man/woman we do not even realize it. I get it, we all want to make our partners happy but a relationship involves two people therefore both parties need to be kept pleased not only the one who groans and moans when things do not go their way.
Being selfish is such a wide characteristic. However in a relationship it is not hard to detect the signs that you are dating a selfish individual. It's like the smallest requests turn into arguments, when requests are not met they turn into moans and groans and when you do for them but they can find every excuse in the book as to why they cannot do for you --- UH OH RED ALERT—you are dating a selfish person. Asking your partner to do something, or go somewhere with you should not be a strain. If it makes you happy then they should understand the magnitude of their presence there with you.
I know a big one for men is going to the mall with their girlfriends. I understand- you do not like sitting around waiting as she takes 40 minutes to an hour in one store. But just think, do you think your girlfriend enjoys being around all of your friends on game night? Do you think she enjoys making the food for your loud and rowdy friends and sitting through the entire game with a smile on her face?
I remember shopping with my girlfriend and she brought her boyfriend with us as well. Even though he hates the mall, he knew how important it was to her if he would just get off the couch and come out with her and do a little shopping. Okay, the fact that he agreed to getting off the couch and leaving his XBOX360 behind was indeed a great step to replenishing the man’s mind to understanding that there is more to do in a relationship than lay in the house, have sex, eat and sleep all day. Still, if you are going to do something considerate for your partner BE HAPPY TO DO IT. This guy walked around the mall with his mouth poked out and face frowned up the whole time. I could not even enjoy the new shoe collection at BAKERS because all he would do is huff and puff every time my girlfriend and I asked the saleswomen for a new shoe in a different size. And I lost count of how many times I saw him stare at his watch as if he had somewhere more important to be. Needless to say that relationship did not last long at all. What got me was that she would spend countless amount of hours catering to his needs and wants but when she asked for a simple gesture of his love for her, like taking her to the mall and holding a few of her bags, he was hesitant to say yes. Selfish? Indeed.
And it goes for women as well. One thing we as women can be so selfish about is our money. When we go to the mall our minds are focused on getting that new outfit, new shoes and making nail and hair appointments. Not once do we walk by a men’s clothing store and think, “Maybe I should surprise my man with a nice shirt, some nice shoes and a jacket". Why do so many women believe that the man has the duty to provide materialistic gestures and women are exempt? Are we not entitled to surprise our men with gifts just as we expect them to do for us? It is time we start thinking about the love we give to our men and cut the selfish acts out EVEN IF that includes cutting back on our shoe intake. You expect him to buy for you well pull out your wallets for your men sometimes as well.
Whether you are dating someone who is selfish or whether you are the selfish one, it is unhealthy for the relationship and quite infectious. When doing something nice or meaningful for your partner it is suppose to be just that and the emotions that you carry should display the intensity of the gesture rendered. Do not do something nice and then pout about it the whole time, which basically destroys the purpose in the first place. I know we are only human and selfishness kicks in to all of us. In the beginning of my relationship I found myself saying “I” too much. It is not uncommon but it can be fixed. Realize that you are now in a relationship with not only yourself but with someone else therefore his or her feelings and needs should be met also. You should be grateful and compassionate to make your partner happy even if you hate doing or going where they like, you should be blissful to just be there with them and put a smile on their face. So lets keep love alive and subtract the selfishness!
The written words of AJT
2 comments:
Funny that this was your topic because in had a similar conversation with my husband. All and all he is a good man. He is a provider and a great father. He sometimes cant put his own wants on the back burner for the sake of others. I use to just say like many women do that "he's just a man". We as women have to stop making excuses for them. I like to shop whether is groceries, household cleaners or what have you. Sometimes I just enjoy the company of him. He would go even though I know he didnt want to be there. He just acted so horrible in there that I hate he even came. Really don't know how to even show him that this is not cool. Also I would love to see u blog about momma boys!
Best way to show him is to tell him. Let him know how you feel about his selfish ways and how things as little as coming to the store with you is not too much to ask. And yes girl great topic on the momma's boys! Look out for it!! =) - AJT
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