"I am TIRED of Being your BOOTYCALL!"

Are you a booty call? A friend with benefits? I bet you are now or have been in the past without even knowing it. I don’t know what’s worse; giving up the booty with no strings attached hoping it will lead to monogamy or the fact that you act surprised when you find out you are just a “friend with benefits”.

What makes you a friend with benefits are your actions. It’s like money- if you are constantly giving someone 20 dollars without saying upfront “hey this is just a loan and I’m going to need it back”, they will take advantage and never feel the need to repay you. So while you open the “friendly relationship” to sexual activities without a title and without speaking your expectations before you open your legs, please save yourself the disappointment and do not expect a serious relationship. You have started “a no strings attached” trend and that is unlikely to be broken.

I don’t know many grown, mature women who want a no strings attached relationship. We all reach a point in the process of love’s maturity where we get tired of being someone’s late night hit. All women have a stage where they put up with more than they should when it comes to a man- being a booty call or a friend with benefits is one stage that happens repeatedly if it is not tackled at the beginning. Lets be real, it feels good to sleep in the bed with someone and know they will be there in the morning. So why do so many women fall accustom to settling for that booty call title. And then they have a bigger nerve to claim it. If you are a man’s booty call you cannot claim him. All there is to claim is the sex and your title as a ‘friend with benefits aka booty call’. Both titles are one in the same.

How do you tackle the relationship before becoming a friend with benefits? Speak girl speak! Most times we have them over as late night company and the next thing you know you end up in bed having slept together. And there you have it! You are then a friend with benefits. You opened your legs without making him aware of the contract. Even worse is that many times we state the obligations of the contract but forget the fine print. We say, “if we are going to be sleeping together, I am going to be the only woman you are sleeping with”. Many women want to be the ONLY woman he is sleeping with but forget to state “I want to be in a monogamous relationship” Yes they are very different. Just because he has agreed not to sleep with others does not mean he is not having relations with others hence leaving you as the friends with benefits. See how missing the communication of the fine print can lead you right back to being a booty call? Be specific ladies!

We have to stop falling victim to this. Remember that once your legs fly open without any consultation beforehand, you have fallen into the relationship that you never wanted to settle for. I know it gets heated in the moment. But when you meet someone and spend time with them and you think it can be something more make sure you both are on the same page. If you are then that’s good but if you aren’t please don’t think that opening your jar of cookies is going to win you that monogamy that you want. Instead you will be getting a man who will hang out with you less but send more late night calls your way expecting a quickie and no sleep over’s after. Be smart about that magic between your legs and stop using it as bait to catch fish that don’t want to be caught!

The written words of AJT