Commit To Me Or I Am Leaving!

Commitment commitment commitment. We all want commitment out of our partners. Some of us believe that when we enter into a relationship that defines our partners’ commitment to us. Well sorry to break it to you but commitment goes a little farther than that. It includes trust, faithfulness, honesty and all the other core competencies of having a successful relationship. What is key to remember is that everyone’s definition of commitment is different. For me commitment is one word; TRUTH.

This evening one of the readers messaged me and asked: How do I get my partner to commit to me for good? We have been together for two years and I am ready to start a life but they just want to keep things as is.

You have two choices when you are faced with a situation where you and your partner are on two different levels in the relationship. 1. You can wait for them to be ready or 2. You can find what you are looking for elsewhere. There is no in between when it comes to these solutions. The irony of it is- you cannot make someone commit to you. It has to be something they want to do towards the relationship and towards their life. Commitment, to some, is a small step but for the majority of lovers it is a large one. Why? Because we have all been there with relationships (committed ones) that once the commitment was made the relationship became harder. This is the one reason why so many of us run from commitment – because we find change to be something fearful. Whether it is getting married or getting engaged it is a large alteration towards the relationship. Priorities change, responsibilities change and your life in general changes. It is no longer about you but now you have to take into consideration the well being of your partner. Some of us need to be a little understanding of what we are asking from our partners when we realize we want this commitment.

AND THIS IS IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KNOW- Just because your partner does not want to take that large step with you yet does not mean they love you any less than you love them. Many times they love you so much that they are either afraid of letting you down or afraid that the change will do damage to the relationship. They are happy with the love just the way it is and find no legitimate reason to change it. Never think that your partner loves you less because they are not ready to take the plunge into engagement or marriage for that matter. All things happen in time and when you find yourself in this situation you should reflect on how much you care and love your partner because love is patient it is not rushed. The worse thing you can do is rush your partner into commitment. You want them to be 100% sure when they decide to commit their lives to you. You want surety in your relationship so be patient and enjoy the love you have today.

Now I also understand that many of you feel as though the wait is constantly dragging you down. You feel your life is at the point where it is only right to settle down. This I can understand but let me tell you one thing --- when you find the individual who is right for you, loves you, adores you, is faithful, honest and trustworthy to you why would you question their intentions? A good lover is hard to come by and many of you lose them because their love is not willing to be expanded in a time that is convenient to you. Then you do the biggest thing that always damages a relationship; you give your partner an ULTIMATUM. Ultimatums are dangerous. Why? Because you are not really giving your partner a choice. You are saying do this or I’m leaving you. That is not only selfish but it is an act of forcing love. You cannot force love; it is a natural attraction. And if you walk away from this love because you feel time is not on your side you may never settle down for if there is one thing that is surely true about love; it is unexpected and it happens when it is suppose to happen not when you want it to happen.

So before you rush your partner and before you feel like packing your bags – sit, think and make sure that what you are walking out on is something you can really live without. Too many times we think the grass is greener on the other side. Well, don’t learn the hard way. Patience is a virtue.

The written words of AJT