Something that many of us fail at when it comes to the success of our relationships is compromise. Being with someone you love takes sacrifice. It’s not just about you anymore. It is about you and your partner. If you are not ready to sacrifice then you are not ready to be in a committed relationship. Sacrifice comes in many different levels but there’s no way you can avoid it.
I have watched many long distance relationships, for example, end because someone did not want to move cities or they did not want to follow their partner when they were promoted to a job in another state. These are everyday life changes that are unavoidable and you have to decide if the relationship is worth that sacrifice. Compromise does not mean just giving into any request of the one you love. That is not compromise that is you becoming a “YES MAN/WOMAN”. Compromise is not taking advantage of your partner. What compromise is, is realizing that neither one of you will have your way but you have to find a solution to the issue that is beneficial for both parties. There will be instances where neither one of you can be fully satisfied but you work through it and you make it easier on one another not difficult.
One of the largest compromises that I have seen evident in a relationship is belief systems. Maybe the one you love holds different religious believes than you. Their customs, the way they think, the things they eat, the way they live, and what they believe in can cause you to second guess the relationship. If your belief system is so important to you and if it is important for you to be with someone whose beliefs are the same as yours, then go ahead and do that. However, in many cases we fall in love with people whose faith is different. That does not mean you automatically walk away from the relationship. Is that not discrimination towards love? The one you love may not have the same faith as you but why should that make you love them less and can it? As long as there is a level of respect towards your faith why should it be such a large issue (I ask this in hopes that you comment and tell me what you think about the situation). You cannot judge someone off of their faith and you definitely cannot believe that their faith will deter how they love you.
Your partner may not believe in a God however they may believe in loving you with all their might with all they have. They may be providing you with the best love you have ever felt. Would you be willing to let such an amazing love go because they believe in a different religion than you? I understand religion is a touchy subject, however love has no religion. Love is Love and no matter what religion you follow, love stays the same and it is the same with every faith. The compromise comes into play when you respect your partner’s beliefs. For example, maybe your girlfriend or boyfriend does not eat pork because of their religion. Would it hurt you not to buy bacon? Would it hurt to replace ham with chicken or turkey? This is a simple compromise. Maybe your partner goes to church every Sunday. Instead of telling them that you do not want to go to church on Sunday- Why not allow them to go with their friends while you stay at home and get the house clean and cook dinner? Most importantly, no matter how much you do not believe in their religion, ignoring and being rude to them when they try to vent to you about a certain belief or issue at work or church is not fair. You are their partner therefore you have to listen and even if you do not believe in the customs and religion, just listening , paying attention and being there can mean so much to them.
Some ask- What if we are giving up too much of whom we are for the relationship. Well, that is when you need to step back and really decide if you are compromising or just “giving in”. Compromising involves two. It’s making a choice that both parties can be satisfied with. If only one person is satisfied with the decisions of the relationship then that relationship is not growing positively. It is one sided and only one person is satisfied with it. That is not making choices as a union. In compromise you should not have to give up large parts of you. Yes, sometimes you do need to shave a few things off of yourself to make your partner feel more comfortable. Whether we know it or not, we do change when we get into a relationship however that is normal. Changing things we do not want to change about ourselves is another thing.
Ladies, if he thinks you are too skinny or fat and you love your body, why should you change it to a point where you are no longer happy when you look in the mirror? Men, if she cannot learn to respect your family that does not mean you lose the relationship with your family and stop coming around or talking to them as much. It is your family and even if you love her, she has to respect that. Compromise can be tricky but I have found that it teaches us about ourselves as well. When we find ourselves in compromising situations we learn what’s most important to us and the things that we can never let go of within ourselves. We also learn about our partner and their expectations of us towards the relationship.
Compromise can make or break a relationship but that is not such a bad thing. Relationships end for a reason and they stay strong for a reason. So no matter where compromise may take you, always remember to never allow it to sacrifice your happiness. Make sure you tell your partner when you feel you have compromised too much of yourself and you are not happy. Communication is VITAL. Set expectations of the relationship and make sure it’s beneficial for the both of you. Compromise should not deter you; it should build you and your new love.
The Written Words Of AJT
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