"I'm Single Again...NOW What? "

Oh the life of a single person! When you are single it seems as if everyone around you are in committed relationships, movies seem to be geared more towards couples, being a third wheel becomes routine and those late nights at home with no one to talk to but “old reliable” gets pretty old quick. Let us not pretend as if we do not have an “old reliable”. Those are the ones we have no intentions of EVER being with but when we call or text them or need a quick cuddle buddy they come quick fast and in a hurry making them OLD RELIABLE. However, this is not what being single is about. Stressing that we are lonely, bored and miserable takes away the advantages of being single and yes I said the ADVANTAGES. There are positive alternatives to any situation. So, instead of finding ourselves envious of the ones who have love in their life, we must learn to appreciate what we do not have. By this I mean appreciate the opportunity you now have to free your mind and spend more time with YOURSELF.

Being single is not a CURSE and it gives you time to work on personal qualities so that when it comes time to re enter a new relationship you can be more useful and in touch with yourself. When we learn about ourselves it is easier to pinpoint the qualities we need and expect from our next partner. When we find time to know what we want out of life and love it is easier not to fall into the custom of settling. It’s like your favorite ice cream. You know that cookies and crème gives you the best feeling in the world and the taste satisfies you completely so when only cookies are available without the crème you fall back because that is not satisfying to you no matter how tempting it may be. In other words, you may have found yourself shallow before; you dated individuals who looked good but lacked personality. Now that you have had that personal time to figure out your wants and needs you will not fall into the trap of taking one quality over another, but instead you will only be attracted to the person holding both qualities. Being single gives you a chance to concentrate on what you need instead of finding yourself in a relationship similar to past individuals you dated. Those individuals did not make it to you future so why find someone similar?

Rushing into a relationship because you are afraid to be single takes away from that personal time and leaves you mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. You did not give yourself time to heal from the last relationship. This is important when you find yourself single. Sleeping with the next person a week after you have let go of another is dangerous. Your sheets still hold lingering scents of that other woman/man. You have not allowed yourself to clean up house and get ready for a new beginning. Instead, you are adding another lingering scent upon dirty sheets. How does that work? We think that intimacy with another, after we have just broken up with our past, takes away from the feelings we once had for them when in all actuality is causes more pain. More hearts are involved and instead of moving on you are staying in the same place adding to your problems.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO HAVE A ‘SEX BUDDY’ WHEN YOU ARE SINGLE.

Loneliness can cause the most absurd temptations when we are single. Sometimes we find ourselves trying to start a relationship with good old reliable. Now we all know that action is most definitely impossible. However, we find that we are not going to bed alone so we think we are satisfying ourselves when really we are hurting ourselves. So that old cliché quote comes to mind “if you cannot be alone how you can be with another?”

We all hold separate desires and ambitions for ourselves. When we are in a committed relationship sometimes we put things on hold because your love causes us to give more into the relationship and take away even more of our personal goals. This is not good however for some, it happens. When we find ourselves single this is the one chance to grab those ambitions and work at them. So you want to lose a few pounds; this is the perfect time to get that gym membership and get your health to a comfortable status. So you want to get another degree; you have more focus to put upon your studies without the distractions of pleasing a loved one. Maybe you want to save more money, take that trip you have always wanted to go on, get that haircut, buy that car, take a motorcycle class. Opportunities that you never had time to take advantage of before, because of the opinions and desires of a significant other, you now have time to accomplish. This is a great time for personal reflection. Even better, it gives you time to progress in the areas where you lack when it comes to having a successful relationship. Women- maybe you found that the fact that you could not cook was distasteful to some of the men you dated. Well, instead of cuddling on the couch on a Saturday or going out on Fridays with a man, you now have time to take those cooking lessons so the next man can appreciate your new found talent. Men- maybe your exes found that you did not provide them enough attention. This is your chance to learn how to make a woman feel special. You now have time to talk to some of your female friends and get a grasp on what women expect because maybe when you were in that relationship you had no time to mingle with your female associates.

Ignore your family and friends rubbing in the fact that you are “single and alone.” Prove them wrong because being single does not have to associate itself with NEGATIVITY. Like anything in life, it is what you make it. If your emotions and actions lack productivity and happiness then that is what your single life will bring. Instead, shine some light on the situation and use that time to embrace yourself. Accomplish those goals and bring that glow out in you. That glow that makes people THINK you are in love with someone when really you just learned how to be in love with YOU!


The written words of AJT