When we are in a relationship we do not want to compete. We do not want to compete with others from the opposite sex, we do not want to compete with family members and we do not want to compete with FRIENDS. A major aspect of building a successful relationship is being comfortable around your partner’s close friends and family however them liking you is not as necessary as we think it is. Lets think for a second, whom are you dating? Are you dating your partner or their friends? Holding a comfortable relationship with their friends is easier than holding a bitter one but sometimes when the friend tends to over watch the relationship, or add chaos and unnecessary fighting between you and partner…well that is another thing. We do not want to make our partner choose but what else can we do? What are we suppose to do when we feel like our partner’s friends are destroying the relationship?
The person who should take control of the relationship between the friend and the lover is the persons who friend it is. Lets make this simpler. Say you are dating someone and their friend obviously does not like you nor respect you. It is not your job to make them like you or respect you. The person who you are in this relationship with needs to set the boundary between their friend and you. Allowing their friend to disrespect you and the relationship either shows, your partner does not feel the disrespect is wrong, or they do not care enough to fix it. Why should you have to patch things up with your lover’s friend? Are you climbing in bed with them at night? No, however if your relationships is serious and you both are committed then this friend is going to be a thorn in your rear for a while until the situation is taken care of. Explain to your partner that you do not want to be friends with their friends, however a level of respect has to be present whether they like you or not.
We do not like to point the finger at ourselves when we are having problems with our boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s friend. We stray away from thinking that it can be our insecurities and we automatically feel that the person is threatening the relationship. But maybe you are taking it too seriously. Yes I said YOU may be taking it too seriously. Opposite sex friendships, for example, cause many failed relationships. Some people are threatened when their love has a friend of the opposite sex. We either think that they had something in the past or that the friends secretly wants our partner. Well guess what?
NOT ALL OPPOSITE SEX FRIENDSHIPS HAVE AN ATTRACTION BETWEEN THEM.
Just because your boyfriend/girlfriend has an opposite sex friend does not mean there is a possibility between them too. We allow our minds to take over and we make up our own assumptions. If this is threatening you to a point where you cannot think straight when they are together, then you need to reevaluate your trust and why it is lacking.
Let us look at it from another perspective: What if you find that your lover and your best friend do not get along because your best friend cannot accept your relationship? Maybe they feel the person is not good enough for you, or that the relationship is a waste of time. But how is it that they have the right to damage it without allowing you to find out for yourself? When has it became the best friend’s job to ruin what THEY think is not good for you? No matter how long you have had this relationship the only person in this lifetime who knows what is best for you is YOU and sometimes that means making choices based of what you feel not what your friend feels. The blatant disrespect that your friend is giving to your lover is not fair and you need to handle it. Let your friend know that if your girlfriend/boyfriend is not good for you, that you need to find out on your own without the interference of them.
Having friends is a gift but sometimes we can allow them to ruin good things we have going because of their fears of losing us. Once we get into serious relationships our closet friends can become fearful that the friendship between you two may wither because you now have a committed relationship to someone else. Take all of that into consideration when your friend is trying to deter the success of your relationship with your lover. A lot can come into play; jealousy, envy, remorse and their fear of loneliness. It is up to you to analyze the situation, just make sure that you are being smart and concise about what you decide. However, the best thing is to follow your heart and learn for yourself. A friend can tell you its cold on the other side but if you turn around without experiencing the atmosphere for yourself, you may be missing out on sandy beaches and sunlight.
Some friends want us to do what’s best and they have our best interest at heart. Some can be blinded by their own loneliness and fear of loosing you and some can be down right nosey and place their noses where they have no business. It is your friend so it is your responsibility to tend to their influences towards your relationship. Allowing them to feed notions into your head and rumors about your lover or “what ifs” is not good for your relationship and it will affect your thoughts, which will eventually affect the way you act towards your partner. So do not miss out on a great thing because of the influence of a friend. I know some friendships date back to 10-20 years but as friends you should be able to tell each other when to shut up and stay out of each other’s business. (lol) So for once tell that friend to let you live and learn. Appreciate their care but allow them to realize that it is your heart and you are the only one who can feel its emotions therefore you make the choices. Learn for yourself.
The written words of AJT
4 comments:
A lot of times we think our significant others friends have bad intentions when really it's our own insecurities within us that we haven't addressed....good read friend:)
thumbs up!!!
great job and very well said.
Sadly, i’m 2 weeks from the final court date for the end of my 5 year marriage. It’s been about 4 years of an emotional destruction-derby. The bottom-line line is the apostate state my husband decided to inhabit. With no god there is no healing when there is an affair and deception. At least I know I have both biblical reasons for divorce but how do i tell that to my 2 teenage kids who just wanted a whole family.i have been a victim of both emotional and physical cheat,but the truth was able to come to light after i seek for counseling and service of a professional hacker.I never knew that the man i trusted so much with my love and care has been cheating on me,all thanks to ''hackingloop6@ g m a i l . com'' for their investigative and hacking service that helped me gain access to all my husband's phone activities remotely,it hurts to know that the one you trusted could be cheating on you, cheating sucks.
Post a Comment